My life in the hands of a wrecker.

Felister Gichia1598131262
Posted November 28, 2020 from Kenya

This is me, this is my story. A story I have to share to the world. I am who I am today because I refused to be silenced. I want the world to know that there's is a rise after a fall. A tree can sprout again after a fall.

Don't be silenced too. Sharing my painful journey to the world has healed me. It has healed and rescued many too. Cry if you have to, leave as early as possible, run for your dear life. Say no to toxic people.

I will make my story short, because am not yet ready to write a novel. If I happen to write a detailed ordeal of my 5yrs in marriage, I will keep writing forever.

My love story.

I met him while I was still a teenager. The innocent me thought I had made it in life. He was so kind and romantic at first. But this did not go for long. His characters changed drastically.

Red flags.

Am that kind of a person who lives by the strongest faith. Despite the red flags, I kept on praying and hoping he would change. It's was getting worse with time. I encountered all kind of abuse. Beatings, torture and even infidelities. 

It was becoming too much for me to handle. He was always negative about everything in me including my body size and shape. This lowered my self-esteem. I hated myself. I became desperate and hopeless. I didn't see any purpose for me to live. I tried suicide, not once but severally. But God was there for me. 

My healing journey.

The hardest decision was to leave my marriage. I did everything I could to save it. But I boldly took that risky step and never looked back.

With my 4yr old son, I landed in my mother's compound. Remember I was also 7months pregnant. And still to make it worse, my dad's body was laying in the morgue. The pain was unbearable but God was there for us. 

I wanted to make him suffer too. I started making plans for a revenge, but I remembered that revenge was for the weak. And also I didn't have time for that. I also gave a deaf ear to the society's  mocking.  Acceptance and love from my family was first step to recovery. It hasn't been a smooth ride. Being a less skilled person, I have done almost all kind of jobs to raise my 2boys. Like being a casual labourer in a farm. 

Am not in any organization yet. I work from where I am in a big way. Even though my own marriage did not work. Many couples have come to me for lessons. I have counseled many young ladies and youths too. Even without a partner am living a very peaceful happy life with my two boys who are now 10 and 15 yrs respectively.

I always smile back to myself in the mirror whenever I look at the scars on my body.  Scars from the beatings. They remind of how strong I am.  Let's say no more to GENDER BASED VIOLENCE against women. Our voice will save us. Our voice will heal us.

This story was submitted in response to Sharing Solutions: Ending GBV.

Comments 7

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Jill Langhus
Nov 28, 2020
Nov 28, 2020

Hi Felister,

How are you, dear? Thanks for sharing your vulnerable, but inspiring story. You're so brave and you went through so much. It's amazing how you rose up from the ashes and are helping other women.

XX

Felister Gichia1598131262
Dec 04, 2020
Dec 04, 2020

Hello Jill,
It was tough but with God, I made it through.

Jill Langhus
Dec 05, 2020
Dec 05, 2020

Hello there, dear,

Glad to hear it:-) XX

Nini Mappo
Dec 01, 2020
Dec 01, 2020

Hello Felister,
It is staggering to ponder that you endured so much, and while still quite young. Grief upon grief upon grief. Although I'd rather you hadn't gone through that ordeal, I'm glad to hear that you are building your community with your wisdom and experience. I'm glad that the scars are now testimony to strength and resilience. But even without them, you'd still be strong and resourceful. Good on you for not allowing yourself to wallow in bitterness and self-pity. May God who's been your helper all along continue to heal and strengthen you and equip you with all that you need for your parenting and other responsibilities and also your passions.
Thank you for sharing your story and raising your voice against such inhumaneness!
Stay sparkly ;-)

Felister Gichia1598131262
Dec 04, 2020
Dec 04, 2020

Hey Nini,
I would say it was a tough journey, an experience I would wish anyone to go through. But by God's grace, I made it. Coming out of such situation alive is a miracle.
Am glad that I didn't carry along with me bitterness and self-pity. They would have delayed my healing. Am trusting the process.

Karen Quiñones-Axalan
Dec 03, 2020
Dec 03, 2020

Hello, Felister,

What a strong, brave and resilient woman you are! I wouldn't mind reading your novel story. I encourage you to start writing it. It may be an agony to write to them all, having to remember those details, but it will be another level of the healing journey for sure.

I say that because you write so well, and you are a great storyteller. Also, we know that the pandemic aggravates GBV, and there are a lot of women who are trapped in their marriage, silently crying for help, but don't know what you do. You are definitely steps ahead of them, and writing your story can be their way out.

I observe that there is a pattern with abusive men. They act as romantic and great right at the start, but couldn't sustain it. How can an innocent woman who falls into their trap know that this is the wrong man to be with? What are the red flags a woman can look at before tying the knot? Before it's too late? We need these answers so we can warn women and girls. Prevention is better than cure.

Hugs to you, dear. I write so much. I forgot to tell you your story, although only a glimpse of the whole journey, has touched me. You have the gift of writing. Please use that to free more women from the bondage of GBV. We stand with you!

Felister Gichia1598131262
Dec 09, 2020
Dec 09, 2020

Hello friend,
First, thank you for the heartwarming compliments.
Second, am glad that you have been so keen and observant to realize about this ailing tread. Many innocent women are falling in the wrong hands of the abusive partners unknowingly.
It's becoming tricky to note the red flags before. Many women are victims of these predators kind of men who comes in the name of love.
So, I would urge anyone in such situations to exit as fast as possible. And for the ones who may not in a position to quit because of one reason or the other. It's our duty to help them realize their Worth before it's too late. It's also our role to be the voice of the voiceless.