My raw emotions.

March 25 

This date was just stuck to me and it gave me nightmares because my sem exam was gonna start that day. I have a habit of overstressing when it comes to the exam. So, as usual, I called my best friend and talked to her, which makes me calm and we started preparing for the exam. I drank a lot of coffee and I wasn't able to sleep.  One day when I was scrolling through social media I found details about COVID 19 and how it impacted everyone in China. I thought to myself, "this is so scary". The studying routine was going on but we were not able to finish anything. That time my exam portions were the scariest thing for me. I live in Kerala. Somedays before our exam was about to start Kerala had a couple of COVID positive cases. Later exams were postponed.

Present

Exams have been rescheduled for god knows how many times. I don't even care about exams anymore. Now Kerala University announced it to be conducted on 1st July. I am really not in a mood to study. I am finding distractions so that I don't have to face reality. My family is going through a very tough time because my dad has to stay in Saudi for his job and to keep us alive and our financial stability is obviously not that great.

Talking to my friends helps. I put forward my happiness when I hear them talking in group calls and chats. Actually, my friends are helping me a lot. They just don't know about it yet. They make me feel normal. My mom is also helping me get through this in her own way. I am getting very frustrated because of this current situation. I portray it through my anger which I admit is not a healthy way but my mom just makes feel comfortable and makes all my favorite food for me. I don't know how to thank her in words but I wouldn't be able to survive without her. 

I don't know if there is any hope left in me? 

But I have started valuing little things. I am missing all the things in my college and my friends, our bench & our lunch breaks.

At night I just keep staring at the ceiling and the next thing, I see sunlight through the window. 

Happiness

I play Ludo with my friends and don't miss out on making stupid jokes. Whenever my mom is watching old Tamil movies I make sure that I am making fun of that movie and my mom also likes it. She even suggested that I should start a career on YouTube with that. (LOL). I pick fights with her on silly things and then we laugh about it. I have turned into a full-on foodie. My mom makes sure that I am eating a variety of food. ( I love her so much) 

Future 

I don't know what my future is gonna look like. I don't care about my exams that's coming on July 1st. Even if something happens tomorrow I know I had plenty of laughter and fun moments in this crisis. I feel extremely blessed for that.

Stay Awesome.❤️

Soorya Gayathri