My raw emotions.

soul on fire
Posted June 13, 2020 from India

March 25 

This date was just stuck to me and it gave me nightmares because my sem exam was gonna start that day. I have a habit of overstressing when it comes to the exam. So, as usual, I called my best friend and talked to her, which makes me calm and we started preparing for the exam. I drank a lot of coffee and I wasn't able to sleep.  One day when I was scrolling through social media I found details about COVID 19 and how it impacted everyone in China. I thought to myself, "this is so scary". The studying routine was going on but we were not able to finish anything. That time my exam portions were the scariest thing for me. I live in Kerala. Somedays before our exam was about to start Kerala had a couple of COVID positive cases. Later exams were postponed.

Present

Exams have been rescheduled for god knows how many times. I don't even care about exams anymore. Now Kerala University announced it to be conducted on 1st July. I am really not in a mood to study. I am finding distractions so that I don't have to face reality. My family is going through a very tough time because my dad has to stay in Saudi for his job and to keep us alive and our financial stability is obviously not that great.

Talking to my friends helps. I put forward my happiness when I hear them talking in group calls and chats. Actually, my friends are helping me a lot. They just don't know about it yet. They make me feel normal. My mom is also helping me get through this in her own way. I am getting very frustrated because of this current situation. I portray it through my anger which I admit is not a healthy way but my mom just makes feel comfortable and makes all my favorite food for me. I don't know how to thank her in words but I wouldn't be able to survive without her. 

I don't know if there is any hope left in me? 

But I have started valuing little things. I am missing all the things in my college and my friends, our bench & our lunch breaks.

At night I just keep staring at the ceiling and the next thing, I see sunlight through the window. 

Happiness

I play Ludo with my friends and don't miss out on making stupid jokes. Whenever my mom is watching old Tamil movies I make sure that I am making fun of that movie and my mom also likes it. She even suggested that I should start a career on YouTube with that. (LOL). I pick fights with her on silly things and then we laugh about it. I have turned into a full-on foodie. My mom makes sure that I am eating a variety of food. ( I love her so much) 

Future 

I don't know what my future is gonna look like. I don't care about my exams that's coming on July 1st. Even if something happens tomorrow I know I had plenty of laughter and fun moments in this crisis. I feel extremely blessed for that.

Stay Awesome.❤️

Soorya Gayathri

This story was submitted in response to Dispatches from the COVID-19 Pandemic.

Comments 9

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Jill Langhus
Jun 15
Jun 15

Hi Soorya,

Thanks for sharing your post. I'm sorry to hear that the challenges are still so prevalent there and that you're worried about your father. I'm not surprised your distracted. Is there something you can do nice to appreciate your friends and mother, since you find it difficult to convey it in words? What about a nice card? I think they would love it, and you would to, that you took the time to express your love and gratitude to them. I wish you luck on your exams, dear.

XX

Thelma obani 2020
Jun 15
Jun 15

Sorry about everything dear.. stay positive always

Hi Soorya, thank you so much for sharing your story. sharing is part of the healing process already. I am happy that in the midst of all odds, you took the decision to be happy.
take care and keep striving for happiness.

Blessed

Anita Kiddu Muhanguzi

Hi Soorya,
Thank you so much for sharing your post and your challenges. It is not easy but we have to stay positive and focused on what we want to achieve. Remember we are always here for you and we believe in you. Have a lovely day and be blessed. Remember to be positive.

Chi8629
Jun 17
Jun 17

Thank you for sharing.
We love you so much .
Please stay safe out there.

Anita Shrestha
Jun 18
Jun 18

Thank you for sharing

Beth Lacey
Jun 23
Jun 23

I am sorry to hear about your challenges. Know that you have a family of sisters to support you here at World Pulse

Sinyuy Geraldine
Jun 24
Jun 24

Dear Soorya, thank you so much for your story. I am happy and thankful for your friends who give you some hope and joy and distract you from the tensions within you. Exams are being postponed everywhere all over the world and it can be quite disturbing. Take courage and know that you are not alone in this situation. Thank God for your loving and caring mother. God bless her. In case you need someone else to encourage and give you hope. I am here. Inbox me and get my contact for coaching and encouragement. I am an educationist. Thank you for pouring out your heart here. One last thing, sit up and get ready for your exams OK? You need that. Always pray for you Dad who is far AwY working for the family.
Hugs
Geraldine

Mohinder NGO Founder

Dear Soorya, what a roller coaster of emotions you are going through, but as others have said you are not alone and you have the support of a loving mother and friends who will see you through. As already said, even though it is hard to focus right now, exams are important in our ever-competitive world so please don't give up on those and your dreams. I am writing a report on the impact COVID 19 is having on young girls and women and would like to include your story if you agree. The report will serve as an advocacy tool to help ensure that women and girls are kept central in all post 19 recovery plans. Students all over the world have been badly affected by the pandemic and this needs to be taken into account as we move forward. Could you please contact me Mohinder Watson, Founder Action on Child, Early and Forced Marriage at email: [email protected]ail.com
Many thanks Mohinder