Once a Fighter always a Fighter

Isn’t it true? Once you are branded a fighter, you always keep up the spirits to prove that you are one! I have been one and I still continue to fight. I sometimes feel that only because I am fighting, fate is playing games with me. But then I can’t fall! If I do, I have to get up, brush off and start my fight again. I hope that spirit never dies within me. I hope I am able to share it with my son, the spirit to fight, to try hard, if not win! In fact, winning does not even matter, as the more you fight, you tend to leave behind what you had been fighting for.

When I was young, I fought because I was fat and everyone bullied me for that. My cousins, my classmates, even my relatives. So I fought with everyone because I felt bad. Then slowly I realized that I was only fuelling their urge to tease me by reacting. Once I started laughing it away, people no longer ridiculed me for being fat. I fought, found the way out and won.

Then once it all stopped, I decided for myself that I had to slim down. And I did, with a very strict diet, I managed to get slim. Since I was quite tall, I became a pretty slim lady within a few months! Then, all those who had ridiculed me for being fat wanted me to be plump again. They just couldn’t believe I managed to pull down so much weight I had carried around all those 17 years of my life. But now I fought with myself to get slimmer. I have a sweet-tooth and in spite of that I used to keep away successfully from everything that was sweet, even sugar!

Soon the next fight was to start, for the love of my life. An inter-caste relation that was to be and all I wanted was him. It was not a fight against anyone, but for someone. That was the toughest of all! 5 years of fighting. Singled out within the family, with hardly any friend to talk to, not being able to even contact the one I loved, life was hell! But I was in love and head over heels in love! I was relocated, but I bounced back after a while. I was advised and even threatened by many in the family. But I did not heed. I fought by smiling. I endured the indifference. I endured the separation. I endured the questions that came in front of me. I endured them all with one answer – I will manage.

And then I was also fighting another grave battle. A career! I had very little choice for graduation and had chosen commerce over science since I could not stomach physics. But then I also learned computers by the time I completed my graduation and I knew this was exactly what I wanted to do. I was quite good at computers. For all that I endured because of my love I used to find solace in Software. But then qualification mattered back then and only engineers could join the IT field. Then I fought again. I was fighting 2 things parallel now – my love and a career. Both were as important and I could not fail in both.

I faced a lot of rejections because of my educational background. I felt frustrated that people were not even giving me a chance where I was teaching Java and Oracle to Engineers and MCAs! I was definitely far better than them in it! I did not give up both. And eventually, I managed to get both. My career first and then my love too, thanks to a few helpful relatives!

Now that the major battles are won, we were entering a totally different battlefield. In the course of winning my love, I was about to losing my family which was something I just could not afford. So we began our battle together, to win back my family who almost were ready to cut off the relation after they got us married, against their consent. We won that too, bang on!

Just as we were pulling the entire family together, bridging the tiny gaps somehow, came a tragic fight – my dad was diagnosed with a deadly and rare cancer and I was confirmed pregnant around the same time. There was very little we could do! My parents did not want to risk disturbing our life that we had just started and went with my dad’s brothers who took super care of him all through. Now you know why I couldn’t afford to lose my family. I have a strong one and we have always been together all through. I know even we would not have been able to take such care of him through these difficult days.

While he was getting treated, my mom got sick because of the tensions of the treatment and contracted chickenpox. It was the beginning and since my uncles lived in the same building in 2 floors, everyone who had not got it, got it now. So for the next 3 months, one or the other had a chickenpox in the house. My father was totally taken care of by his cousins and my mom’s sister during this time. Not even once they have made him feel away from home or miss us. I definitely have the best family!

After my delivery, we went there to show my son to my dad and he was already planning to return home to the next stage of treatment. We had our plans ready too. As we came back, my husband met a couple of the best Oncologists in town and we were planning to shift to the city with my parents so that we could take care of him now on. But we lost that battle! Hardly 10 days after we returned home after visiting my father, he left us.

Now the next huge battle began. My mom was not yet OK with my wedding even though my dad was ok and the rest of the family was too. So getting her consent to staying with us needed some convincing. My husband’s family was already ok with us shifting to the city along with my parents for the treatment. Even though my husband was very close to his mom, they were the ones who suggested this decision since that was the need of the hour and would heal all the wounds whatever was left open because of the marriage.

My son helped me win this battle. He was just 60-days then and I was recovering from the C-section. My mom finally agreed to the arrangement and our plan was in place. For another 6 to 7 months, my uncle and aunt were with my mom in our home back in town settling out whatever was left unattended, including the huge house which was our ancestral property. Because of my uncles, I never had to get involved in anything during this entire time. They made sure that we got settled in our flat my dad had gifted me after the marriage.

The next fight was to get my mom back on track. She loved to travel and was not the kind who would sit quiet without interacting with people. But she was too devastated by the 1-year ordeal she had gone through during the treatment and my dad’s death. I left my son to her to take care. In the mean while, I quit my job which I was so passionate about and had fought a lot to get as I did not want to miss my son or him to miss me till he was in school. So I refused the couple of referrals I got to join some other companies where my ex-colleagues had recommended me. This was a time I had to be with my family.

My mom was getting back to normal life, busy with my little boy. They share a wonderful relation where they don’t even let me in! That’s my win too. In the mean while, I got her to join an English class and slowly got her to visit her sisters and brothers who lived in different parts of the country. We even bought another flat and disposed this one off since we always had guests and this one was way too small for all of us plus the guests.

Till my father was alive, he was the one who guided the entire family, analyzing difficult situations and taking important decisions. His death was a huge loss for everyone who knew him. Now I became the decision maker for my small family. I found it very tough initially when I had to face something like how to decide on the house to buy or how to manage the work to be done there since my dad would always be doing these stuff. I took baby steps but found that he was guiding me safely.

Just as we were settling in our new house, there were a lot of issues with the apartment and we started the next fight. Around this time, my son used to get sick frequently and would be hospitalized too. You know how kids are these days! The very first time I was hospitalized was just before my delivery during my pregnancy! And then onwards, we have been regularly in the hospital for the baby till he became 10 years! So I now had 2 fights running parallel – my son’s health and the apartment issues. Since the apartment issues were handled by a group, they managed in my absence and we won over both in a little while.

Soon after, we had the next fight ready – my husband had to quit his job because of some health and personal reasons and we finally got into a business. This was a major fight for me because I was never ready for a business and my son was just 3 and needed my care. But then, we both took turns taking care of him, and all the while, my mom was there for him.

The business took a huge toll on our health and relation as we were together almost all the time and this had us both fighting over silly matters too. There were some major issues on the business front and finally we decided to close it down for good. This was the biggest failure I had ever faced my life till then and I took me some time to realize and accept it. I had taken care of the business of a baby being there all the time, leaving my son at home. But then, I lost this one.

But I won another battle in the mean while; I got back into my career. Not the one I passionately fought and won, but another one I had started nurturing during the difficult years of our business – writing! Yes I had taken up some writing assignments for time-pass while I was in the business as certain things about the business never worked for me. I was not the business-woman type even though I worked hard to keep it going. In fact, I have spent many years in the shop from 10 to 10 without taking a break! So it always irked me to stay a business-woman type even while things were not going any good.

This time-pass became an experience over a couple of years and I found the much-needed appreciation in this passion. As soon as I realized that we were on the verge of closing down and had a huge loan to cover, I started looking out for a job. It was a fight with myself initially to muster the courage to attend an interview after almost 13 years. In the mean while, I have interviewed and employed 8 to 10 staff in our shop. So moving from one side of the interview table to the other was not an easy job. But I managed to win that too! My husband has always encouraged me to take up this passion and that kept me going strong.

I am a fighter. I am still fighting. I am a freelance content writer. You know how taxing and insecure freelancing can be! So every day I am ready for the fight. I know that one project may get over soon and I may have to look out for another to fill the gap. I cannot afford a lousy work or a silly mistake. I work very long hours, most of the days! It is a going to be a long fight. There’s a lot at stake. But I am glad I am setting an example for my son. To keep fighting!

What I lost does not matter anymore. I have tried my level best and now I have left them in the past. I am looking forward for the next fight. I cannot lose myself to thoughts of the past. I have to muster more knowledge and courage to prepare for the next. I don’t look for appreciation; I know it’s my own battle. But I hope I am able to inspire more people to fight – if not to win, at least to fight.

How to Get Involved

Keep trying

Understand your strengths and concentrate on developing them

Never Give up!