I set myself free.

gitajayakumar
Posted July 5, 2019 from India

Have you been raised with the idea of perfection as something you should aspire to? Have you gone through a large part of your life berating yourself for not being the ideal daughter, the ideal mother, the ideal student, the ideal sister, the ideal insert-role-here? I did, and I arrived at a beautiful moment in my journey a few days ago that I want to share with you. 

This moment was in a powerful learning: That it is okay to be imperfect, and that imperfection is not a crime.

These words were like music to my ears. 

Growing up, I was not accepted for who I was, and I was expected to conform to an unrealistic and unfair version of myself, because that was what people around me wanted me to be, starting from my own mother and grandmother. I am the youngest in a line of four children. For as long as I can remember, I was told that I had to be like my oldest sister, who according to everybody was perfect in everything she did: perfect behavior, topper at school and right through her education, perfectly beautiful and so on.

I remember my mother and grandmother telling me that I had to imbibe all those traits from her. When my brother's grades slipped (he was a topper too), my sister’s name was brought up again and we were told how we should strive to be like her.

A couple of days ago, I was listening to one of my mentors talk to a group of his students, myself included. He spoke about how our first lectures as coaches need not be perfect - and in fact, is ideally BEST if it is not perfect, because imperfection is the way we learn.

For the very first time in my life, I heard someone say that. It was as if all the beliefs I had were falling away from me. It’s okay, really. I don’t need to hold myself so rigid to be perfect, it’s okay to be IMPERFECT. It’s okay not to be a master of everything I do.

Thank you for this learning. This is a new me, and I feel so liberated and lighter, I don’t need to justify myself to anyone.

I am me, I now choose to be my authentic self. Today, I feel all the more happy and gratified at the fact that I work with several people around me to liberate themselves from their limiting beliefs, and it feels so validating to know that we can set ourselves free of beliefs that burden us.

This story was submitted in response to The Real Me.

Comments 6

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Jill Langhus
Jul 05
Jul 05

Hi Gita,

Thanks for sharing your recent ephiphany. Yes, it's very liberating to be free of this belief. I thought I was free of this self limiting belief but I have found that I'm not completely free, yet. It has found it's way into most aspects of my life, but I'm still debunking the myth and won't accept it as my reality, and I'm glad that you have, too! That's great that you're helping others, too, to be free.

I hope you're doing well, and having a great day!

Hello, dear sister,

Your story resonated with me. It’s miserable to be compared, and that was how I was raised.

I sing your music with you, “That it is okay to be imperfect, and that imperfection is not a crime.” I agree.

If we’re going to reflect on it, it is our imperfections that help us form connections. When we say it’s ok to be imperfect, we also grant grace for other people to relax and show their imperfections to us. We break the walls of self-preservation and enjoy being connected to a fellow imperfect relationship.

I feel connected with you because of your story. Please continue to write!

James Ouma
Jul 05
Jul 05

Hello Gita,
As I read your wonderful post, images of what I can become when I allow the imperfect me to thrive kept coming to mind. Thanks for sharing and inspiring us to shine forth. Keep shining and dazzling the world!

James Ouma

Nusrat Ara
Jul 06
Jul 06

Glad to know you have found a way to be your authentic self. Keep writing and sharing.

Beth Lacey
Jul 10
Jul 10

Our families can put so much pressure on us. I am happy you had your epiphany

ANJ ANA
Sep 10
Sep 10

Dear Gita,

Thank you for sharing such a powerful piece. Of course, everybody is not the same and you are absolutely true that one does not need at all to be same as other. You hold your own identity and you can choose what you want to be my dear. Keep your faith and do what your instinct says to you. Keep rising and keep shining my sister.
best regards,
anjana