Sexual Harrashment is a Disease

Sabiha Hasan
Posted October 15, 2020 from India

It seems to be that it does not matter how many campaigns you will start and run, how many female harasser will go to jail. It’s a never-ending process and cycle, it still continues The purpose of sharing my voice with you is; people always point out at the clothes of women, say she should not go out late at night, she should not drink or smoke. My question: -  what now shall we stop studying too? What about this patriarchal male dominated society? Men will keep harassing us women. We are safe only when we are with a man and under his protection? No! even then we are not safe. At home too we are being raped and harassed by uncle’s, cousin’s, neighbours and who not. #womenharassment

Women of India need to raise her voice and take a pledge that I won't let any men to harass me, I will not be the next Nirbhaya. You need to take a stand and tell the harasser, it’s your body and your choice. If anyone even speaks a word to you, you will take an action and consequences will be dire.

 

I am 42 years old, single by choice; men of all ages had harassed me, from 15 years old boy to 70 years old men; this all started when I was 5 years of age and still happening. It happened to me everywhere except for my school while travelling, at gym, at swimming pool, even by my own relatives, allover the social media. But I always kept quiet as my parents always told me I should stay inside, locked up myself in the house. Also, I should always wear kurta shalwar with dupatta. Now the question is, shall I wear a burqa. I tried to protect myself as I realized that I have outstanding figure and which may attract the men; so intentionally I put on weight and now I am 100 kg. But nothing changed; in fact, my harassment increased. Earlier, it was only sexual harassment, now it's in verbal form calling me fat, ugly and unattractive. 

It's been a year, I was a student preparing for GMAT classes and used to go to coaching centre; there was a whtsapp group to share study material. I do not remember Abdul (My Harasser) meeting in a class. Somehow I got connected to him and we started chatting in a group. Like many other boys, I met him in that class in an online group. But none of them ever bothered me and all were nice with few I am still in touch; all the time we talk about preparation. This guy moved from group chat to personal chat and asked me to meet. I had met him at a cafe; after meeting him, I realized that I was uncomfortable. I had a feeling he is looking at me strangely; I ignored it and left him at a metro station and I went home. I never gave out much information about my personal life except that I am unmarried. He asked me to meet again for a movie and I agreed. After which he started messaging me almost ten times in a day, but I ignored him. I was studying over 8 hrs daily and had a life to live, work, family and friends. The best thing I could do as usual block him, after which he contacted me from another number.  When I blocked him from everywhere, he knew my blog and left a message that Dear, friend, can you please unblock me?

I kept thinking and realized that I am running away from a problem; why not face it? Thus, I unblocked him and told him the reason that he should not text me all day and not at all at night.

Life moved on, I changed places and new job; suddenly one day he texted me from another number and asked me about my whereabout. I told him my job and location, on which he said that he is looking for a job and can I find some job near me. It was a new supermarket with few openings so; I asked him to email me his resume and he may earn up to Rs. 10,000 per month.

The resume he forwarded me on it he mentioned that he is living in the nearby town, which is his uncle’s house. All this not happened but because of Corona thing moved in different direction. But a few days again, it was a new number on Telegram. He chatted with me and I realized that his plan was to sleep with me. His conversation started with me asking about my fiance and when I am getting married. The reason I told him I have a fiance as a signal that if I am 42 still I have a man in my life. 

Here is the conversation:- 

Abdul: I had  a crush on you.

Me: I knew that, that’s why I blocked you

Abdul: How did you know?

Me: I am a woman that too 42 years old; I know how man is looking at me and what he is thinking?

Abdul: But I did not tell you same as I was afraid.

Me: It had been useless, as you are 21 years old child and I am your first crush. Do not worry, you will be meet better and younger women of your age.

Abdul: You know society will not accept it?

Me: It’s not about society, it's about me; I am never getting involved with someone so young. There were few Muslim boys I met in past 10 years younger than me. I did not marry them, as in movies if Priyanka Chopra marries Nick Jonas; that’s fine but not for common people. Also, I know what happened to Saif Ali Khan and Amrita Singh in marriage.

Abdul: Yes! That’s why I made a girlfriend at the coaching centre, I want to tell you that there was a 28-year-old boy who is interested in you; he was my friend.

Me: I do not do temporary things.

Abdul: I knew that, he needed something temporary, that’s why I did not tell you. I and my girlfriend we had taken our relationship further but her father came in between and asked her to stop talking to me as I am Muslim. We needed a place. In the beginning we thought of OYO;but it is not safe from a security point of view. That’s why I suggested to her we can use your flat.

I kept quiet and thought what the fuck you think, am I running a slut house?

But I kept quiet.

He probed me further by asking; you do not have any problem, Right! 

Me: Listen, I do not do such things as what if her parents will come to know about it? Do not you think it will be a court course and legal actions. I am not getting involved in these things. 

Abdul: Yes! That’s why we used another flat was of my friend and was almost always vacant.

By continuing this way, he moved on the sex word and started talking about it. To stop him, I said that it is nothing, just five minutes' fun.

Abdul: No, you are wrong and one can have it trice in a night

Me: Listen, I do not ask people about their sex life and not interested to talk about it.

Abdul: I am so horny. Need to go to bed. Good Night! I lost my temper, my question in my mind do you mean by you are horny, why the fuck are you telling me. I thought push the block button, But something minutes me told me, No! Just do not do it, you are reacting quick. I went to sleep when I got up in the morning. I thought I blocked him earlier, and he followed me using different numbers, sending messages even on my blog; then trying to convince me to get a job for him near me. His plan was to move in my flat, live with me, have a physical relationship with me and me earning and paying his bills. 

I went online and sent him a message, as usual he replied instantly as he was waiting for me, I told him he tried to talk to me about sex and he need to know that if ever he dared to do the same thing with me; I am going to file a police complaint. On which he apologised and said please, do not file a police complaint. I already started to feeling as you are my elder sister.

But then I thought, I do not want to stop here and am going to file a complaint against him, but I did not have his new number. When I checked the telegram, I did not find his last chat. It seems to be that he had deleted the account.

I took out his old phone number which he used to contact me when asked for job, email address and resume. I am planning to file a complaint against him, so that next time he won't do all that to another woman.

What do you suggest? What will you do if you were in my place? 

#womenempowerment  #metoo

 

 

 

 

 

 

Comments 10

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Charity Birla
Oct 15
Oct 15

File a complaint against him so he would not try it with another lady.

Sabiha Hasan
Oct 15
Oct 15

Yeah I m checking website maybe by tomorrow

mugoli
Oct 16
Oct 16

Hello my dear Sabiha.
Thank you for sharing this good story with us.

Nini Mappo
Oct 17
Oct 17

Oh dear:/ I'm sorry to hear of this disrespectful child-man harassing you Sabiha. What in the world? You have so much patience. I'm glad that you saw right through his ploy. Honestly I naively thought people like these only exist in fiction...what a story! I'd say file a complaint, although I don't know what good it will do since he keeps changing his contact details, appearing and disappearing. But he needs to be hit with something to wake him up to the impropriety of his attitude and actions, and that it equals to taking away your sense of safety and peace of mind. Keep your head up dear, and stay safe.
Sending hugs and sparkles :)

Tamarack Verrall
Oct 18
Oct 18

Dear Sabiha,
I agree wholeheartedly with the advice from Charity and Nini. He sounds so manipulative and because of your conversations with him and your advice, a lot is known about his slippery ways to keep changing the stories and the requests. I am glad that you were able to speak strongly to him, and hope that you will report him as he will go on to harass others. It will also hopefully give you some protection from him harassing you again, too. I am glad that you wrote about this in detail, showing how determined some men are to try to manipulate women.

Mariama Kallon
Oct 18
Oct 18

Wow, sister sabiha for this great message,I feel moved by this great story and your response to the harasser was great.we stand with you sabiha by raising this awareness to the world and will better for all women.
#WeStandAgainstSexuelHarassment.

Thanks for sharing your story looking forward to read more stories from you.

More hugs.
Mariama kallon

Anne-Chantal
Oct 19
Oct 19

Dear Sabiha,
What a story!! Some men are like that . They won't let go until they have their way.
I am so happy you told him off and even happier you are getting to file a police complaint. This would make him think twice about doing such a thing.
Our society be it in India or in Africa , so fears talk especially when its uncomfortable talk like rape of a girl by a family or friend or even a stranger, we are conditioned to keep quiet and not talk but this is what makes the harassers or rapists so bold.
They are like , oh this lady will never be bold enough to talk about this because she will be afraid of the shame and backlash from society.
Please my dear speak out and complain legally. It is only when we do so and in huge numbers that our societies will know and all harassers will know that women and girls are not fed up of dying in silence and they are now ready to speak out and take legal steps against harassement.

Elin Magnusson
Oct 22
Oct 22

Thank you for sharing your story Sabiha.

It's so sad how this keeps happening all across the world!

MUVUNYI FABIENNE
yesterday
yesterday

Dear Sabina.
Thanks for sharing your story.
We should raise our voice to stop the harrashment and sexual violence.
Thanks