I Paddle My Own Life Cycle

I am the eldest daughter of my family. We were three sisters before our brother was born. My father is a respective person in our community who loves to help people. And my mother loves to serve them. Being the eldest daughter I always had to show respect to elder though the elder behave bad with me. We didn't have any privacy life in our childhoods. Even we had never closed our doors as we didn't have any personal room. I was many times sexually abused whether it is inside my house or outside. As many peoples used to come to my father to seek help, my father let them stay in our house.

Once, when I was in elementary level, one of the young boy from village tried to touch my sensitive part while I was sleeping ,my sisters were sleeping near me too. I awoke from my sleep feeling someone trying to pull out my pant but he showed like nothing was happened. I couldn't share it to my parents because I was afraid they will shout at me.

Another incident happened when I was at 6 grade. I used to go to school alone as all my friends were in day shift. I had to pass by another place where no people of my community lives. Vehicles were not available except few rickshaws. That's why I used to walk to school. Once, a rickshaw puller came and stopped his rickshaw. I was so shocked and frightened when he touched my back. I couldn't think what to do at that moment, I screamed though it was not loud but that was no use because there was no one to help me. I didn't have any option without praying for a miracle to happen, and suddenly a man came by the way and the rickshaw puller fled away. When I got back home I shared it to one of my aunt and she informed to my parents. My parents were serious about the matter but they couldn't guide me on my way to school as they were busy helping and serving the people. So, I had to struggle it by myself. I cried and cried , was afraid to go to school, children of my age used to play and enjoy their life but I used to think how I will pass that place next day. Every time I pass the place I stopped breathing.

It was not later than a few years another challenge came for me. The same place, but it is now the young boys who lives there started to tease me , block my way, calling me their wife. Sometimes rickshaw puller and the boys used to tease me . It was like my daily routine. I couldn't enjoy my childhood like others as I was struggling everyday. I shared it to my parents they said they will go and warn the boys. But I stopped them because it was no use. You can't say what will happen next ,after all I was the one to pass the place and no one was there to guide me everyday and you never know what is in their mind. So, I thought better to accept the challenge and never stop going to school. I couldn't hire rickshaw too as I couldn't trust the rickshaw puller . So, I asked my parents to buy me a bicycle.

First time I felt confident passing the place by my bicycle. The boys still used to block my way but I didn't stop, I took a deep breath and kept paddling my cycle so, they had to give me space. I was relieved that time and felt the freedom.

I had to struggle all these in my childhood but now when I think about it I feel that those incidents have prepared me for the future. Still we women struggle every day. But keep paddling, you never know how strong you are until you struggle. It is your life and you know how to paddle and direct it not any one else.