what is life without love

Honorine Ngenwi
Posted July 4, 2021 from Cameroon

Here is my little story at the age of 25yrs up till date. I got married to my husband out of frustration reason being that as an orphan who was struggling to see how to get a bright future, I got into an unplanned married. When I got married, I was a punching bag and for each pregnancy he will beat me until I will think of getting rid of the baby. Being that woman who has always being struggling and has made up her mine of having a strong will power, I recalled my taught when I was young that I promise myself that if I grow up and become pregnant, I will never get rid of any baby and I will have my children with only one man and that man will be my husband, and will be helpful to the vulnerables and the needys. When I got married to him, he wasn't working but he was doing Mina jobs like clearing of peoples yard, designing the flowers etc. But each time he comes back to the house, he will say I don't have money and when I ask for the reason he will say the man has not paid him and I try telling him for the job done, then look for another one were you will have but a monthly salary, and he will refuse and start beating me and asking me if I want to tell him how to live his life or I want to control his life. The small  business I was doing then, I was paying the children's school fees and running the house with. Everyday I was crying for the kind of life I was inn. A life of no love, happiness, care etc. It was like the whole world was against me. I begged from neighbors, friends and relatives to help my husband, and no one was willing to. I sat one day and ask myself what actually is happening to us, my husband is a quiet man, he doesn't have friends and he goes for drinking ones a while.

One day I was sitting in front of my house so sad and my mine was very far in thinking not knowing that some one was watching at me. After sometime she came up to me and greeted and ask me why I am in this mode. I politely answered my sister things are not moving as I taught and my husband hasn't a job. So with that any thing I say whether good or bad he beat me up. She replied, my sister it means you don't know that your husband is a gambler?, and that why they don't want to help him? I was more than shock. But I said to my self be strong, you have always being succeeding even in tough times.

When I went to the market to buy some food stuff for sell, he gathered my neighbours and was pouring abuses about me in front of them how I was a prostitute, a dog and many other nasty things about me. So when I came back my daughter told me everything and I told her it shouldn't border her maybe I made him angry and did not know, and that I will just apologize to him. She OK mommy you are a kind heart mother and I don't know what I would done without you. He did involve the children in the beating and up till date the children always live the sitting room to their room each time he is back home. When my daughter was 4-5yrs old he got her beaten and break her tooth.

One day I decide to do and investigation about his movement and his attitude from his family members and friend and I discover that he wasn't only a gambler, he was recasitrante in both secondary and high school, and and he was a drug addict (banga).

When I learnt about all this, I cried my ass out for continuous one week and with the number of children I have with him and I ask God where did I go wrong and what crime did I commit that you decided to punish me this way?

When I stopped crying, I called my cousin who is a pastor and told him everything and he invited me to his house and I met him there. He sat me down and talked to me and we prayed and I was a little calm and he told me that we should also pray for him and that it is the devil's doing. I know my cousin was just trying to console me.

My dear world pulse sisters I decided to share my story because I have found love in the sisterhood and when I discover who he was, I made up my mine to focus on my dream carier and to achieve my objectives.

I will always be thankful to the sisterhood because the always makes me feel loved and caring even with or without sharing your life story with them. With this sister hood I have seen that I will see my dreams come true under the canopy.

 

 

This story was submitted in response to Revolutionary Solidarity.

Comments 15

Log in or register to post comments
Jill Langhus
Jul 05
Jul 05

Hello Honorine, Dear,

This is so sad. I'm so sorry this man is so evil to you. Are you still married to him, honey? You don't deserve this, and personally I don't believe that God is punishing you, but that you were given this opportunity, chance, and lessons, to overcome because you are so strong. More than you know. Please. You have the skills, the tools and the sisterhood to figure out a better life for yourself. You are more powerful than you know. You will find a way. I am confident. Thanks so much for sharing your sad tale with us. Do you get funding for your work? Let us know how we can help you live a better life; the life you and your family deserve, dear. XX

Honorine Ngenwi
Jul 06
Jul 06

Hi mom Jill how are you? Yes I am but has made up my mine to continue with my life.
As for fund, No I don't. That why I always call my support to the needy a widows mite.
For now it school fees issue and I will want to have a pharmacy where I can be generating income and be able to help those whom I meet in the field if need arises.
Thanks mommy Jill for all you are always there for me.
Hugs xx

Jill Langhus
Jul 07
Jul 07

I'm quite well, dear. Yes, I'm glad you are so lovely, optimistic, and strong despite all that you're going through, honey.

Yeah, I get it. You will get there. You deserve better! We're here for you in the meantime.

You're welcome, dearie. XX

Honorine Ngenwi
Jul 07
Jul 07

I really appreciate your love and kindness to us all especially to me.
Love you.
XX

Jill Langhus
Jul 07
Jul 07

You're very welcome, honey. Let me know if I can help:-) XX

Regina Afanwi Young
Jul 05
Jul 05

Hello dear sis, what a sad story . so shocked about this. I know you as a hard working lady who is self reliant especially as your husband barely have a source of income but am shocked to learn about all this violence. Sis will make time to talk with you. This is so disheartening. You have to bring am end to this. You are more than enough to be going through all this!!!

Honorine Ngenwi
Jul 06
Jul 06

Hi sis that's what I was going through and if you remember the last time I visited the house I told you about the beating part it just that with the toomuch work you can't recall.
OK then I am waiting for you. Thanks for the more courage you keep on giving me.
Lots of love darling.
Hugs

rebecca.tang
Jul 05
Jul 05

I am really shocked and sad to read your story. You may have to think carefully how to protect yourself and your children. Should this life continue? Anyone can help you? If you need someone to listen to you, here is the platform. Don't hesitate!
May Almighty God bless you and your children!

Honorine Ngenwi
Jul 06
Jul 06

Hello Rebec my sis this is a story where each time I am thinking or sharing I cry because its always disturbs my mine. Yes sis thats one of my main problems now because if I had had enough money the children would have being in a boarding school so that they only came back home during holidays. Oh yes I know dear thats one of the reasons I decided to talk today and this family is my joy, my hope and my happiness. It is said a problem shared is half solved.
Thanks love
Hugs

megsmueller
Jul 06
Jul 06

Dearest sister. I am so happy that you trust your sisters well enough to voice your story. I am also happy that you have found a brand new love with World Pulse. Over here it is safe and warm and we do not ask questions. We just love. We do not judge. We simply, love. Sometimes humans, do not know how to receive love and therefore they do not know how to give love in return. You are a special person and you did absolutely nothing wrong. I am very sorry that you have had such a difficult time. Every tear that dropped represents growth, just like water enhances the growth of a tree. Wherever you are in this situation, forgive and remember that you are loved. You already have a kind heart and it reached out to me. You have a story to tell and someone is just waiting to hear how you overcame this barrier. ALL THE BEST TO YOU AND YOUR CHILDREN - TAKE CARE!

Honorine Ngenwi
Jul 06
Jul 06

Hi sister Megs thanks for your love and encouragement. I am so happy I found a family of love and care. At certain time it is good to make up your mine and move on.
Thanks sis and to you too.
My regards

Olutosin
Jul 06
Jul 06

Oh dear sister, what a sad story. I feel so sad for your situation. May Almighty God open the ways to better life changing opportunities for you in the mighty name of God Almighty. Amen.

Honorine Ngenwi
Jul 07
Jul 07

Amen, Amen and Amen what a powerful prayer you have given to me. I am blessed in the name of Jesus and strongly believe in my destiny.
Thanks somuch sis
Love you

Nini Mappo
Jul 06
Jul 06

Dear Honorine,
I am reading your story and realising that the strengh and encouragement that oozes out of your comments and presence here has been born of such adversity. Your story reminds me how like most people in this sisterhood, you are not present because life is perfect; you are prsent because you care, and you belong, and you choose to build others up in spite of your own challenges. Thank you.

Thank you for letting the love hear wrap your heart enough to give you safety and courage to let us deeper into your life. I am saddened by what you have had to endure. I am sorry that it is through these circumstances that your resilience shines through. I mourn with you that your husband has been abusive and neglectful:/

Please take heart. God's mercy and grace will sustain you. And please don't blame yourself. You are a good, upright woman with a kind heart and an excellent mum who is resourceful to care for her children against so many odds.
And no, God is not punishing you. It's just that sometimes sin gets in the way and violates love, which is the case with your husband. But even so, you are not a victim of his bad choices, because you choose life and hope every day, and God has preserved your heart from absorbing the viloence from your husband into your soul to make you a bitter woman.

So please don't blame yourself, and if you need to leave, don't feel any guilt or shame, because your husband has not been a worthy husband to you, and I am sure that God is just as saddened by how he has treated you as you are. So please don't let the lie of guilt and shame near your precious heart.

I hope this promise from the book of Isaiah gives you hope:
Isaiah 43: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you;
I have summoned you by name; you are mine.
2 When you pass through the waters,
I will be with you;
and when you pass through the rivers,
they will not sweep over you.
When you walk through the fire,
you will not be burned;
the flames will not set you ablaze.
3 For I am the Lord your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior;
...............
4 Since you are precious and honored in my sight,
and because I love you,

Even where your husband has not loved you, Yahweh still loves you. He calls you precious in His sight. He does not condemn you, so please live like a woman who is deeply loved by her Father above, and let rhat love continue to fuel your purpose and give you wings.
Sending you hugs and sparkles in sisterhood :)

Honorine Ngenwi
Jul 07
Jul 07

My dear Nini thanks for joining me to cry for my predicament. You have proven more beyond reasonable doubt that you care , love and feel for me.
Thanks for the prayers, for the bible quotations and for the consolatory words. It gladens my heart just for the fact that you care much for my situation. God will continue to bless and protect you for me.
Hugs to you too and stay safe.
XX