Transgression of women abuse from childhood to adulthood - A call for action

IjeomaSO
Posted November 15, 2019 from Nigeria

Imagine growing up in a family where a father constantly battered his wife and his children. Paid no attention to his wife and kids. Does not care at all for the welfare of his family. Yet, expect to eat the best of meal served by the same woman named his wife and expects to be provided for instead. Failure to present the best to him could earn her series and varieties of abuse by the same man named her husband and the father of her kids. A wife and mother whose only means of experiencing thank you from a man called husband was through flogging in public and private. Imagine being flogged as a mother and wife in the presence of your kids. A man named husband who considers himself a king and lord of the family unmerited. A society where women are subjected to ridicule and threat should she raise a voice or defend herself. Imagine coming from such a family as a girl or boy and the abuse transgressed into your new home which should be a safe haven. The same girl child who came from an already established abusive home, who lost her mum at an early age due to torture from her father eventually got married and continues to experience another series of abuse in her new home. She decided to walk away and filed for a divorce to seek for a safe haven for herself and her kids.

Then the abusive husband in a bid to cover his shameful acts asked the team of lawyers handling their divorce process these questions:

1. Are there women today whose husbands are constantly battering and they chose to remain in the union?

2. Are there women today whose husbands does not provide or care for them, yet the women chose to remain?

3. Are there women today whose wives are the sole breadwinners of the family and yet they remain?

4. Are there women today whose mouth have shut by their husbands and yet they stay?

5. Are there women today whose husbands are drunkards and highly irresponsible and yet they chose to remain in the union?

Do you think the man has enough reason to treat his wife and the mother of his kids anyhow and anyway he likes?

Note his wife reasons for leaving him:

1. Verbal, Physical, emotional and mental torture.

2. Does not provide for his family.

3. Kids abuse (A man beats his kids to the point of injuring them causing bleeding. Sometimes, the kids could have a broken head, ankle, neck etc.)

4. Her husband already told his kids who are aged 10 and 12 that after secondary school, they will learn a trade and no university education for them.

5. Forgery of her signature on a landed property which she refused to sign as a witness being that she also supported in the purchase of the said property. Her thought was that she should be recognized as a co-purchaser.

6. Secrecy and non disclosure of his activities which ordinarily she should be aware of.

7. Rare and or no sexual intimacy as expected of a couple.

Do you think this woman should be subjected to remain in such a union for the reason of: what would people say? What would my religious community say? Do you think this man has justifiable reasons to argue that the woman should remain with him after all, other women are remaining in a similar situation.

The African culture is not helping matters and hence, the high magnitude of women slavery. What advise do you have for this woman?

These are some things I was able to gather amongst other things. My take is do not remain in a loveless, unhappy, abusive relationship for the sake of pleasing the society and religion.

Thank you.

 

This story was submitted in response to #IStandWithHer.

Comments 16

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Jill Langhus
Nov 15
Nov 15

Hi Ijeoma,

How are you doing, dear? I agree with you 100%. She should run... fast. Staying in that marriage is helping no one. It just perpetuates bad cycles and bad, harmful traditions. Not to mention, she may not be able to walk away if she's detrimentally harmed or worse.

You may want to consider submitting this for the current story call, "I Stand With Her:"
https://www.worldpulse.com/raise-your-voice/istandwithher

Please keep us posted on how it goes for her and her family.

Hope you're doing well, and having a good day!

IjeomaSO
Nov 16
Nov 16

Thank you so much dear sis Jill.
Pls how do I post this on the link I stand with her.

Jill Langhus
Nov 16
Nov 16

You're very welcome, dear:-)

To post to the call:
1) Click this link: https://www.worldpulse.com/raise-your-voice/istandwithher
2) Click the "Share Your Story" button
3) Copy and paste your story into the body field, and add a photo if you like.
4) Click "Publish"

You will know that it's been properly submitted when you see this at the bottom of your post:
"This story was submitted in response to #IStandWithHer."

Good luck!

Corine Milano
Nov 18
Nov 18

Ijeoma, I have added this story to #IStandWithHer - a special power I have as a World Pulse staff member. :) In the future, do follow Jill's instructions - and for know, know that your story is included alongside the others!

IjeomaSO
Nov 19
Nov 19

Thank you dear sis Corine.

maeann
Nov 16
Nov 16

Hi Ijeoma,

Thank you for sharing.

Leave and live with peace, that is what I say for women who are living with this kind of situation.

IjeomaSO
Nov 16
Nov 16

Thank you sis maeann

Anita Shrestha
Nov 16
Nov 16

Dear Sis
Thank you for sharing

IjeomaSO
Nov 16
Nov 16

Appreciate sis Anita

kibu
Nov 22
Nov 22

Hello Ijemoma,
Your story was difficult to absorb. But I think you have found a strength within yourself that others can also draw from. I agree with you and stand with you as well.

IjeomaSO
Nov 23
Nov 23

Which part of the story was difficult to absorb? That a girl child grew up from an abusive home and still entered into another abusive marital home during adulthood. Unlike her mum who chose to remain in abusive relationship because of her kids, the girl child who is now an adult and married to an abusive husband decided to walk away for her sanity, life and happiness. She was being criticized/tortured mentally/psychologically by people and pressurized by the community to remain in such an unhappy union. Meanwhile, her mum died while enduring her union while she chose to walk away with her kids in order not to end in the same fate as her mum. She chose life instead of death. I hope it's clear enough Kibu?

kibu
Nov 23
Nov 23

Hi IjemaSO,
I think my words weren’t chosen wisely. I was trying to convey more how powerful the content of what you’re describing. My mistake.

IjeomaSO
Nov 23
Nov 23

Thank you Kibu. Thanks for your encouragement and support. I wish you a happy weekend.

IjeomaSO
Nov 23
Nov 23

I sincerely admire your humility. Keep up the good work.

Jane
Nov 25
Nov 25

"My take is do not remain in a loveless, unhappy, abusive relationship for the sake of pleasing the society and religion" i LOVE THIS..This is girl power and dont let anyone or circumstances to strip this from you. you go girl.

IjeomaSO
Nov 25
Nov 25

Sure dear and thank you for your support. We'll keep surviving this crooked world.