I stand with her

IjeomaSO
Posted November 16, 2019 from Nigeria

Imagine growing up in a family where a father constantly battered his wife and his children. Paid no attention to his wife and kids. Does not care for the welfare of his family. Yet, expect to eat the best of meal served by the same woman named his wife and expects to be provided for instead. Failure to present the best to him could earn her series and varieties of abuse by the same man named her husband and the father of her kids. A wife and mother whose only means of experiencing thank you from a man called husband was through flogging in public and private. Imagine being flogged as a mother and wife in the presence of your kids. A man named husband who considers himself a king and lord of the family unmerited. A society where women are subjected to ridicule and threat should she raise a voice or defend herself. Imagine coming from such a family as a girl or boy and the abuse transgressed into your new home which should be a safe haven. The same girl child who came from an already established abusive home, who lost her mum at an early age due to torture from her father eventually got married and continues to experience another series of abuse in her new home. She decided to walk away and filed for a divorce to seek for a safe haven for herself and her kids.

Then the abusive husband in a bid to cover his shameful acts asked the team of lawyers handling their divorce process these questions:

1. Are there women today whose husbands are constantly battering and they chose to remain in the union?

2. Are there women today whose husbands does not provide or care for them, yet the women chose to remain?

3. Are there women today whose wives are the sole breadwinners of the family and yet they remain?

4. Are there women today whose mouth have shut by their husbands and yet they stay?

5. Are there women today whose husbands are drunkards and highly irresponsible and yet they chose to remain in the union?

Do you think the man has enough reason to treat his wife and the mother of his kids anyhow and anyway he likes?

Note his wife reasons for leaving him:

1. Verbal, Physical, emotional and mental torture.

2. Does not provide for his family.

3. Kids abuse (A man beats his kids to the point of injuring them causing bleeding. Sometimes, the kids could have a broken head, ankle, neck etc.)

4. Her husband already told his kids who are aged 10 and 12 that after secondary school, they will learn a trade and no university education for them.

5. Forgery of her signature on a landed property which she refused to sign as a witness being that she also supported in the purchase of the said property. Her thought was that she should be recognized as a co-purchaser.

6. Secrecy and non disclosure of his activities which ordinarily she should be aware of.

7. Rare and or no sexual intimacy as expected of a couple.

Do you think this woman should be subjected to remain in such a union for the reason of: what would people say? What would my religious community say? Do you think this man has justifiable reasons to argue that the woman should remain with him after all, other women are remaining in a similar situation.

The African culture is not helping matters and hence, the high magnitude of women slavery. What advise do you have for this woman?

These are some things I was able to gather amongst other things. My take is do not remain in a loveless, unhappy, abusive relationship for the sake of pleasing the society and religion. Walk away if you must for your sanity. Raise your head high up and choose to be alive for your loved ones.

This story was submitted in response to #IStandWithHer.

Comments 14

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Anita Shrestha
Nov 16
Nov 16

Dear Sis
Thank you for sharing this story. Keep it continue

maeann
Nov 16
Nov 16

Helo Ijeomaso,

Thank you for sharing.

May your voice be heard and let it be realized.

I stand with You! #IStandWithHer

Hello, Ijeomaso,

That's a cruel husband you are describing. I agree, wives married to that kind of man should "RUN!". She doesn't deserve the emotional, psychological, or physical abuse from such a man. I believe we need to hold this kind of men accountable for the way they mistreat their wives.

Thank you for raising your voice on this issue.

IjeomaSO
Nov 18
Nov 18

Exactly my thoughts dear sis Karen. Thank you for your support.
The current development is that she is being pressured by her religion and relatives to forgive and return to the man. Of course, she has remained unshaken with her decision. We know what this could mean for her: abandonment, rejection and ridicule in the society. But I know she will pull through above all obstacles to find her sanity and happiness.

You're welcome, dear. Ohh, why would religion and relatives say this to her? This is too much. Why stay in an abusive house? Where is the support for women? Somebody needs to hold her hand and tell her that she is a high value woman and she deserves respect. How cruel it is that she is unheard of all her sufferings.

Yes, I believe she will pull through. She needs to do so for her own mental health, too. I hope she finds World Pulse so she can process her healing through writing.

IjeomaSO
Nov 18
Nov 18

She is already on world pulse. Probably in due time, she will unveil herself and you will be alerted when she finally unveils her story, her life and her ambition.
Thank you so much for your support.

That's wonderful, dear. You're welcome, and thanks, too!

Jill Langhus
Nov 18
Nov 18

Hi Ijeoma,

Good luck with your story submission!

IjeomaSO
Nov 18
Nov 18

Thank you sis.

Jill Langhus
Nov 18
Nov 18

You're very welcome, dear:-)

XX

Tamar7
Nov 22
Nov 22

Thank you for this story Ijeomaoso. I can relate with the story because I and my children were victims of violence at the hands of my ex-husband and their father for a period of 12yrs. I never thought I would come out alive! Abuse of any type is damaging and we should stand and support women and children going through this trauma. For me, I am still trying to find myself and currently going through therapy sessions to hopefully heal. I know my children are affected too. This abuse of women must stop!!!

IjeomaSO
Nov 22
Nov 22

Thank you Tamar. Sure, we must rise up and defend women and children.

Spiritedsoul
Nov 23
Nov 23

Hi, hugs, thanksfor sharing. This situation is deplorable and she needs to leave for her sake and the children.

I stand with her.
Love and hugs,
Jess.

IjeomaSO
Nov 23
Nov 23

Thank you so much ma'am for your support.