I CHOOSE TO CHALLENGE

I could not let this women’s month come to an end without putting down how I “CHOOSE TO CHALLENGE”.

I chose and still choose to challenge the stereotype that is associated with people’s skin color!

the belief that dark skin is dirty and ugly while light complexion is beautiful and Clean.

The picture above is a true reflection of my skin complexion or better yet, I am much blacker in person.

Growing up I did not pay attention to my skin color, it was not really an issue maybe because I was surrounded by mostly slightly dark skinned people or maybe i was surrounded by people that understood that there was no difference between I and them, not until I started meeting people that saw that difference which unconsciously I guess pushed me to associate mostly with people with a skin complexion not far from mine.

One among the numerous skin attacking comments I receive  from people is "work hard get some money otherwise it will be tough for you" directly meaning opportunities would not be there for people with my looks, this i always laugh off.

I have had many but two very strong encounters with different people calling out my black skin, first was in 2017, when i met this guy a guy I always admired from a far (lets name him James, not his real names), yes James is a man I respected, held in high regard and somehow  I and James connected and after a couple of month of communication over media, texts and calls, we arranged a meet up.

this one meet up led to many dates which resulted in to a friendship (well according to me, I thought we were good friends then). one day while on one of our numerous meets, I see James practically bring forward his arm, laid it on the table he then asks me to bring mine too and lay it against his, I did without hesitation, he strongly stared at the 2 hands for about a minute or so, he later nodes his head in disagreement, and says “you know what Ruth, you are a nice girl, humble, well behaved, bla... bla... Truth is i need a wife, I would have loved to date you but you are too black". i was mute for a few minutes , wondering how a man of his stature would think so small, What a bummer! What a waste of my respect and admiration!

still without saying a word, i asked to leave and i did, I honestly forgave his ignorance and walked away.

now, The second encounter was in 2020 around February when I was planning my traditional marriage ceremony. 

one very calm evening, a non-saved number calls through, I took up the call

caller: hello Ruth, how are you, congratulations, how are the preparations coming

Me:(confused on who I am speaking with) hello, I am well, thank you, we are pushing on, I trust all will be well

caller: this is Mary (not  her real names), now I have been meaning to tell you…(she gave me a whole sermon of how she wants to help me and all that….)

Me: I appreciate

Mary: you see you are lucky that you got a man that is willing to go to your parents, not so many get that chance so you need to use it well….

Me: (still confused and in head thinking should I address my function as lack ama? )

Caller: “omanyi amazima gali nti, abagoole abaadugavu tebatera kunyuma, ngenda kkuwayo enumber ya omusajja aantabulira ebizigo akutabulire weesige weeks zzino bbiri ezisigade otukuleko” (you know, dark skinned brides don’t tend to look good on their functions, I am going to share a contact of the guy that mixes for me oil so you can use it for these two remaining weeks so you can look good), Forgive my Luganda writing skills, wait,  okutukula means clean , so somebody literally insinuated I ain't clean‍♀️. 

Me: still confused, I didn’t know how to react, I asked her to go ahead, she read the number, I thanked her for her thoughtfulness hahaaa and ended the call. 

(Note: there are times when I can be composed, polite/humble that I don’t even understand myself, this was one of those)

I remember my then fiancee getting pissed! he was so furious that I saw the strength of my black skin. i encouraged him to let it pass.

The above two occurrences constantly remind me that  there is a unique in me that I need to preserve dearly and that is my skin color.

my skin color is my identity and i am proud of it.

To my black skinned sisters Let's choose we are unique, we are confidence, bold and authentic and lets teach the authenticity to our daughters.

Happy women's month

#ichoosetochallenge

#WD2021