Juliet's mother

Jayan Nanyonga
Posted February 13, 2012 from Uganda

On Sunday I had a chance to spend some time with Juliet(15 years old), the eldest of the three children whose mother separated with the father. Below is what she told me.

"My Mother made a decision to separate from my father because she was fed up of the way she was being treated while at home. My dad would restrict her from going anywhere, visiting friends and never allowed any of her family or friends to come visit at home. This hurt me so much because I feel I have been deprived my right to get to know my aunties and uncles. My mom lived a miserable life because she always had a sad face. The main reason as to why she left home is because she escaped to go and attend a burial of her sister, my aunt and when she came back she was beaten seriously because she didn’t ask for permission. So she took all of us to stay with our grandmother who is very old and currently my mom has freedom to do whatever she wants. She was freed from that bondage. She is now free. However me and my sisters are now suffering because we have to walk a very long distance to get to school every morning and this is affecting my studies."

To me, the story was so heart breaking because you could see it in the young girl's eyes that she was going through a hard time. The poor mother is deprived of her rights and it seems that she lacks her identity and hence ending up in breakage of their family. Leaving the husband should not be the solution to such a problem because it affects the children terribly in the long run and it never shows a clear picture. this is a point where we all need to come in and act against such evil manners that are subjected to our sisters, mothers, aunties and grand parents around the world

Such stories are just enough to get us out of our comfort zones and to step up and do something. Men should stop treating women like their property and this can only happen when me and you give an ear to children like Juliet.Giving them our time is also very important.

I have and obligation of looking out for Juilet's mum next week and will hear her side of the story then will keep you updated.

Comments 9

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Chinyere Okoh
Feb 13, 2012
Feb 13, 2012

such a sad and touching story. it's quite difficult and is taking a hard toll on her both psychologically and education wise. I'm very interested in this case,,, what next step do you intend to make.

please keep me posted

irene madara
Feb 14, 2012
Feb 14, 2012

what a sad story i can only imagine what juliet and her mum are going through,keep us updated about her mother

Jayan Nanyonga
Feb 14, 2012
Feb 14, 2012

I will definitely keep you posted, thank you though for taking time off to read my story. I have plans of going back on Sunday to listen to her mother's story!

BlueSky
Feb 14, 2012
Feb 14, 2012

Thank you Jayan for sharing this family's story. It is a very difficult life-situation. Tough choices to make. I pray that somehow Juliet is able to get a bigger-picture message. Being a woman, I believe that Mum took this action for more than her own freedom. Women too often will suffer such continual abuse on behalf of their family - sacrificing to keep it together. But Mum took a stand, making a choice and thereby a life-statement that "this dynamic is UNACCEPTABLE, and I don't want my children to think it is acceptable. It may be culture, but it is WRONG."

True, divorce should not have to be the answer, but sometimes it is. Sometimes we must be strong enough and brave enough to take such drastic action, not only for our sakes, but to encourage others by our example to no longer condone such animalistic behavior. Too often people define Divorce as failure. Clearly in Mum's situation, Divorce is akin to salvation; breaking free of a death-grip on the state of 'life' that was suffocating her and her children, and would continue to afflict the generations that follow.

I salute Mum and pray God's grace to encourage and sustain her, as a Standard-bearer for her children, and her community, and me. Things will never become Right, until we demand they do. And such demands sometimes require statements stronger than words; statements that are made all the more clearer by our actions.

May Mum's children have ears to hear what Mum is saying, for their sakes, and the sake of their children to come. And tell Mum when you see her next week, I am proud of her.

With regard for you, my sister,

BlueSky

Jayan Nanyonga
Feb 14, 2012
Feb 14, 2012

BlueSky, Thanks for sharing, I definitely agree with what you said because walking away from such HELL is very realistic! Just like you said sometimes it's our actions that will prove a point to people or men who treat women like trash or property. I seriously can't wait to talk to her on Sunday and I promise to take some photos too. Thank again for taking time to read my post.

Pushpa Achanta
Feb 17, 2012
Feb 17, 2012

Dear Jayan,

Thanks for sharing the story of a woman who valued for herself. While it'd be tough for her and the kids, it may have been her only option to give herself and the children some space. Hope such men realize their blunder!

Best wishes to you and Juliet's family.

Love, Pushpa

Amie Bojang-Sissoho
Feb 19, 2012
Feb 19, 2012

Juliet should understand the position of her mother. If not she stays in the marriage for the children, they would loose her because of heartache and frustration. I don't think people choose to marry just to divorce but if if is for the betterment and dignity of the person affected, we should give our support.

Jennifer West
Mar 21, 2014
Mar 21, 2014

Dear Jayan,

Thank you for posting this story. I will be praying for this family of women. When I was driving home from work today I was thinking about my own sons and very sad for all that they have gone through because I got a divorce. But the truth is that I had no choice and Juliete's mom did not either. My husband told me that he was going to kill me and I could tell by the hatred in his eyes that it was going to happen if I didn't leave. I actually considered staying and dying a violent death because I was so afraid of what my boys would go through but obviously leaving was the best decision I have ever made. The blame lies with the men who batter. Juliette's mom does not deserve to be controlled and beaten and neither does any woman. I feel most guilty that I brought children into a violent home but I was very young and I was also already very wounded from the things I experienced myself as a child. The key is breaking the cycle before more children are brought into violent homes. And also declaring that good will prevail. Abuse is evil and I believe in a good God who loves us and wants to free us from shame and abuse. I believe he is bigger than anything our kids will face in this difficult world and that is why I will be praying for Juliet, her sisters and her mom. I am going to pray that God provides a way for them to get to school easily and I know he can do it. God Bless you for caring,

Jennifer

Jayan Nanyonga
Apr 01, 2014
Apr 01, 2014

Jennifer thanks for taking time to read my story! With all that you had to go through, am so glad you finally got the courage to walk away! That was a good choice! Yes, God wants us free from shame and abuse because He loves us so much. Juliet and the sisters are doing well, through this story that I shared, someone out there came up and started sponsoring them through school! So thank you again. Be blessed.