Suicide Is Never An Option,No Matter What life Thrown At You.

Juliana Imoisili
Posted March 20, 2021 from Nigeria

I'm Juliana Imoisili from Nigeria,my story is a long one,it all started in the 1996s after my grandpa was made a chief in his home town few weeks later my sister fought with someone and they came to arrest my mum and my sister,why they where still in police custody my mum was informed that her dad was dead,upon hearing the news she was released, Been the first child of her parents lots of responsibility was on her,the burial plans where made and he was laid to rest.

Life continued as usual,few months later another tragedy strike,my immediate elder brother who was afflicted with epilepsy fell into the and burnt the whole of his face,He was rushed to the hospital and I was left alone with my elder sister for months,why my mum was with my brother in the hospital,they where later discharge on getting home I couldn't even looked at my beloved brother,his face was like raw meat,I was so depress in my spirit and unhappy, gradually his face was healing up and recovery was fast,

We where 7children in numbers 5girls and 2boys in all of this my dad was married to another woman and lived separately from us,And four of my siblings where staying with my uncle's and aunties meanwhile I was the last child back to my story,

Upon seeing no assistance from anywhere my mum continue her hustle again as a business woman,In one occasion of her traveling to market she stop by her sisters place and went to the farm with her,on their way back she fell inside a hole and couldn't walk again,we took her to different hospitals and native homes,it became worst,I and my sister where left there to take care of her,at times my sister will travel to buy things she can sell to Carter for us and leave me alone with my mum at age 7,I will be the one to clean her up whenever she pool or urinate and also clean her body, because she couldn't walk anymore,she later gave up the ghost after everything and left me alone in this world.

My uncle came  her body was taken to the mug, burial plans was made and she was laid to rest,After the burial my uncle took me along to stay with him and his family in the city,life became unbearable,I was subjected to hard labor,I will travel miles to another village to uproot cassava,cut fire woods and carry them back home with just small bread and water, Everyday I will cry and cry just by thinking about my late mother and the incident that happened to my brother,I became very tiny and depression set in,

It was time for my elder sister to get married the one that stays with my aunt in city and the other of my sister took me along to the marriage with her in another city,on getting there when my sister saw me she cried and cried on her wedding night narrating how tiny and unkept I have become,after the wedding she refused to allow me go back to my uncle's place and I stayed back since I didn't know my way back and my other sister had already left me there,I found a new home now.

Why staying with my sister, wherever she sent me an errand there's this notorious criminal a street guy,who always try to stop me I will ran until I get home,this faithful day I went on an errand when in cought me on a narrow place, nobody was there and he raped me and treathed me that if I ever say anything to anybody,he is going to kill me and every in our house,I couldn't say anything, until he raped me twice,by this time I was scared of going out whenever my sister sent me and errand,I couldn't bear it anymore and I decided to relocate to my brothers place in another city, when my sister was trying to know the reason for my decision I couldn't say anything, because of fear of been killed,

I was in my brother's house when the exact reason why I left my sister's house wanted to take place,this time around I fought back and God gave me victory,

Fast forward to 2007,I had malaria and I went to the hospital after one week of treatment,I went for the last injection,after I took it,went home,the next day I couldn't get up from the bed or move my body,I was rushed to another hospital,I became paralyzed,I spent 2months plus with Prayers and by the mercies of God I started walking little by little,I was discharged a week later,but I was still leaping, whenever I'm walking on the street and people are asking me all sorts of questions what happened to you,why are you walking like this,After the person has walked away I will start crying feeling sorry for myself,In all the times I was already having suicide thoughts, depression and low self-esteem,I wouldn't just figure out my life anymore,it continued like that for years,

Until 2018,After I finally meet my husband,I thought I have finally found love and rest,I didn't know I was in for the worst period of my life,I took in 2019 few months later he became a lier,cheat, aggressive, complains over everything, when I try to talk to him all I get back is beating,I was 8months pregnant when he hit me on my tummy,he apologizes and promise it will never happen again,He still continue cheating on me,I became so unhappy, thinking, which eventually lead me to develop BP and I end up giving birth with CS,

Two months after I gave birth, because of his girl friend he beat me up and throw my things and that of my baby things outside, Someone offered me a place and I stayed in one room with her and her siblings plus my baby,After some days he came begging,even family members where asking me to forgive him and bear because of my baby that's is still very little,I later move back to the house,

Few days after my baby 1year birthday,He beat me up over slight misunderstanding,and I fell and hit my head on the ground,with my left eye covered with red blood inside,he pleaded with me before leaving for work, before he came back I have already left the house,I was able to find a place to stay for weeks before I later got a place of my own,Now am free,my heart is at peace,

I have so many suicide thoughts,but I was Glady am alive for my little princess,it hasn't been easy taking care of a child alone,But God has been faithful.

In all this story I have proof of what I have suffered and the physical injury that was always left on my body.

My prayer now is to be able to go back to school,set up a business for myself to sustain, support, myself, child and my education.

I went to be able to use my experience to help others who are either suffering depression, suicide,rape and domestic violence.

Thank you worldpulse for giving me a voice and for allowing me to be heard,I love you all.

I'm a survivor

This story was submitted in response to Gender-Based Violence.

Comments 2

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Dear Juliana,

Hello, Assalaam Alaikum peace and blessings,

YES! You are a survivor!

God bless you and your daughter!

Life is a teacher and most people would never know or understand the trials and tribulations you have endured at such a young age.

Congratulations on writing your first story on World Pulse.

I hope you will receive the support and love from the entire World Pulse sisterhood.

Every life is precious and you deserve health, happiness and love.

Please keep us updated with your work.
Love, peace and blessings
Sabeena

Juliana Imoisili
Apr 04
Apr 04

Thanks sister for the show of love