Have you ever felt invisible?

Jill Langhus
Posted March 18, 2019 from Spain
Invisible
Invisible (1/1)

I have! For most of my life, in fact.

I think most people think it’s best (and easiest) to be the youngest in a family, but I beg to differ. It is true that there can be advantages, or perceived advantages. Yes, I was babied, to a certain extent, but that also meant that I was sheltered, and believe me this is not a good thing! As a result, I felt less capable, less. confident, less visible, less heard, and I definitely didn’t feel like I was taken seriously or ready to step out into the big, wide world at 17, when I graduated from high school. And there was no way I was staying at home, in small-town, USA any longer where I felt even more invisible and misunderstood. I knew instinctively that better days, and a better world were waiting for me outside of my comfort zone; or at least I hoped this was the case. How I knew this I have no idea, looking back.

I knew that I always felt different from everyone, even from an early age. I attributed this to my whole family being different… and we were. Only a few families in our extremely small, mid-western town of 2,000 had come from a different part of the U.S. We were considered outsiders. We thought differently. We dressed differently. We were different!

But what else made me different even within my own family? I always felt wise for my years. I thought this was a a familial “thing,” as well, though. All of my siblings had an equally hard life. We all lived on a dairy farm (but my older siblings had tasted and lived the “good life” as far as I was concerned…they actually knew and had lived outside the borders of small-town, USA) with a lot of abuse – what? – oh, yes… the unspeakable thing! The one thing we never talked about. Everyone else was the problem…always. Oh, the neighbors… they’re so…. backward, Jewish, German, or whatever the most recent judgment was. When I finally asked my dad, when I was in high school why some people brought others down his response was honest enough. He said, “probably because it makes that person feel better.” Wow! I had nothing to say in response to that. If you know you’re doing that on a daily basis, wouldn’t you at least question this harmful behavioral pattern? Perhaps this is what truly sets me apart from my other family members… the constant questioning, curiosity, and fairness of all things. Yes, my parents questioned systems, but not necessarily their behavior, fairness, tolerance, respect, or belief systems. If this were the case, none of us would’ve felt invisible. I’m fairly certain, although I’m not 100% sure, that all five of us children felt, and perhaps still do, feel invisible. We weren’t encouraged or celebrated for our unique personalities or capabilities. Instead we were compared to others (mostly against one another), shamed, blamed, abused, and belittled. We were quite often yelled at or told to “shut up.” I suppose this could be considered quite “normal” in many households, but it definitely made me feel invisible, insecure, depressed, and anxious, for most of my life.

I tried many times to get noticed, or be acknowledged for my inherent worth… first for my drawing capabilities, then for my singing capabilities, then for my physical beauty (I wanted to be a model for quite a long time), and then for my academic achievements (although by the time I took this seriously in junior high, I realized I needed to take control of my future because no one else was going to do it for me). Every time I put myself out there it was never, ever good enough. I didn’t know then, as I do now, that insecure, unhappy and unenlightened parents, perpetuate the cycle of negativity and unhappiness in their children.

Now when I look back, I can feel compassion, acceptance, and forgiveness for my parents and siblings. They created my reality, then, and their approval was everything to me, but I am an adult now, in charge of my reality, circumstances, and destiny, with a bright future of a big, creative vision to help empower women and girls worldwide. I am no longer that invisible little girl. I am holding the reigns of my life! I am in control! I firmly believe that I chose these lessons; this life; this family, for a reason. I wouldn’t be able to feel all the compassion that I do now when I read posts on World Pulse, and relate to them as well as I do, if I hadn’t had the upbringing, foundation, and lessons that I had. I feel like although it was, and still is, hard at times, all these factors have been exactly the perfect training for where I’m at today, and where I need to be, to create the change I want to personally see. Therefore, I am grateful for all these lessons. I am grateful for my purpose on this planet; in this lifetime. I am grateful for my unique personality, vision, and skill set. I am grateful to be heard. And, I am most grateful for all the amazing sisters, encouragement, support, and love that I have, now, on World Pulse. Without all of you, I wouldn’t be where I am today…. aiming for the starts, and basking in the glow of sisterly love… moving one step closer, every day, to realizing my dream life.

This post is written in deep gratitude, and in dedication to Jensine, all of the World Pulse staff, and, of course, all of my lovely, dear sisters. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you! Thank you for helping me on this journey called life, for giving me so much love, for listening to me, and for helping me to finally feel visible… and, to be me!

*Thanks again to the lovely Tam for reading my post over. I appreciate, honor, and respect you dearly, lovely:-) XX

This story was submitted in response to Change Starts With a Story.

Comments 57

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Bettina Amendi
Mar 18
Mar 18

Wow Jill my friend,my sister and my Self Confidence Student,you made my day.I am so happy you are visible.you my hero girl.......

Jill Langhus
Mar 19
Mar 19

Aw. Thank you, Bettina, love:-) You're so sweet.

I am, too:-)

Thank you again for your feedback.

Olutosin
Mar 18
Mar 18

I so so so love your heart. You are an Angel. I glied to it until I read the last paragraph! Oh how I love your father's answer. It nailed it all, whereas it is never an enough reason to nring anyone down.
Im so happy that you created a beautiful world for yourself. We all can do that, its absolutely beautiful.

Jill Langhus
Mar 19
Mar 19

Aw. You're so sweet, and such an inspiration:-) You are an angel, too, dear! Thank you for your very sweet words, support and feedback.

Yes, my dad's response was perfect.

Me, too... with the help of World Pulse, and sisters like you, dear! Yes, we can!

Thanks so much for reading and commenting. I hope you're doing well, and having a great day!

Beth Lacey
Mar 18
Mar 18

Oh, Jill! You are always enough! You are my World Pulse Encourager Heroine!

Jill Langhus
Mar 19
Mar 19

Thank you, sweet Beth:-) I needed that! For real.

I'm glad I have a #1 fan!

Thanks so much for reading, and for your stellar comments!

Hope you're having a great day!

yes, in my office i feel sometimes invisible but i continue my work.... I know that someday i will shine like a star

Jill Langhus
Mar 19
Mar 19

I hear you! I was so invisible at most of my workplaces, but part of this is projection, too, i.e., if we feel less than our whole body posture, vibe and even what we say attracts in more of the same people and scenarios, so it's important to be aware of this so we can counteract it, knowing that we are worth it, and we deserve so much better!

You do shine like a star, dear. You are a star... own it:-)

Urmila Chanam
Mar 19
Mar 19

Dear Jill,
I was taken away to the locaility you grew up in just by reflecting on your words. I can completely understand how it is to be in a position where your opinion does not matter and people do not ask you question or do not let you complete you sentence. And it hurts to live that way. I am the youngest in my family too and had to fight for the respect I enjoy now within my family, took me a lifetime. I am wishing you all the best for the road ahead of you and am so glad you have much much more support, acknowledgement of your personaility and appreciation for you. You are an amazing sister, friend and encourager and I love you.
Love always,
Urmila Chanam

Jill Langhus
Mar 19
Mar 19

Hi Urmila,

What a high compliment that you were able to visualize the setting... thank you! Wow! That's good to know that you can relate to what I'm saying, but I am sorry that you felt like you had to "fight" for respect. It should be given, and not something we feel like we have to fight for.

I'm glad, too:-)

Thanks for the well wishes, lovely compliments, support, love and encouragement, dear.

Hope you are having a great day!

Z.Elias
Mar 19
Mar 19

Dear Jill,
Invisible! No way, I say deep down of each and every woman there is a super powerful woman sleeping inside waiting the right time to wake up!
Greetings!

Jill Langhus
Mar 19
Mar 19

Hello Zohra,

Ha. It's very true, and you are very wise:-) Thanks for reading.

ARREY- ECHI
Mar 19
Mar 19

Sis Jill,
Thank you for such a beautiful story. Your story infact, resonates with a lot of us who found ourselves amongst the trongs of family benjaminas. And sometimes, even as adults, we still get to feel invisible because, we are hardly heard or taken serious because well, we are the youngsters.

But always, we fight and dare to move out the comfort zones like you did, going on a voyage of personal discovery in this journey we call life. Along the way, we meet roadblocks, but we also get to meet strong loving hands cheering us on.

I join the lovely hands of World Pulse to increase the tempo of your unique pulse. Keep going sis and thank you for speaking for us all the invisible ones.

Hugs and love.

Jill Langhus
Mar 19
Mar 19

Hello Lovely:-)

You're welcome. Thanks so much for reading.

Yes on being taken seriously. And, yes, on moving out of comfort zones.

Aw, thank you, dear! I will, and thanks so much for your love and encouragement. I appreciate it so:-)

ARREY- ECHI
Mar 19
Mar 19

Thank you too for your ever kind and thoughtful words.
I appreciate you.

Jill Langhus
Mar 19
Mar 19

Aw, thank you:-) And, you're welcome!

Lisha subba
Mar 19
Mar 19

Yes, you are visible and strong ❤️. I am happy that you finally found yourself

Jill Langhus
Mar 19
Mar 19

Thank you, dear! Me, too:)

Thanks for reading. Hope you're having a good day!

Annelise Worden
Mar 19
Mar 19

I feel invisible all the time no matter what I say or do. I have tried to tell people that I feel like they are ignoring me always. It makes me mad because I have good things to say.

Jill Langhus
Mar 19
Mar 19

Hi Annelise,

Yes, I thought you would be able to relate to my story, based on what you have told me. I'm sorry to hear that, dear, but please know that at least I hear you and that you definitely aren't invisible. We're all here for you:-) And, yes, you do!!!

Thanks for reading my story, and I hope it helped you to realize that you're not alone with this pattern, and challenge.

I hope you're having a good day, dear.

Annelise Worden
Mar 19
Mar 19

It does relate to me. I do know that and yes so true. It did make me realize

Jill Langhus
Mar 19
Mar 19

Great:-) That's awesome. Your feedback has made my day!

Yay!

Annelise Worden
Mar 19
Mar 19

Oh I'm so happy that I made your day!!!

Jill Langhus
Mar 19
Mar 19

Yes! Thank you, dear:-)

It's important to me that I have made a difference in your life.

Annelise Worden
Mar 19
Mar 19

aww that is so sweet that made my day!!

Jill Langhus
Mar 19
Mar 19

Tee-hee.... I'm glad, dear:-)

You rock! Don't forget it:-)

Annelise Worden
Mar 19
Mar 19

haha I won't forget don't worry

Jill Langhus
Mar 19
Mar 19

Awesome:-)

Dawn Arteaga
Mar 19
Mar 19

Wow Jill what an incredible story. Thank you so much for opening up. We are so lucky to have you in the World Pulse community. I see you. And I appreciate you!

Jill Langhus
Mar 19
Mar 19

Thanks, Dawn! You're welcome.

Thanks for acknowledging the challenge of opening up. It is a process for me still to open up fully as it's part and parcel of being invisible, i.e., having challenges speaking up and feeling like someone will want to hear what I have to say.

Aw, thank you, dear:-) I appreciate you and all that you do, too!

Hope you're having a great day!

LizzieBartley24
Mar 19
Mar 19

"... insecure, unhappy and unenlightened parents, perpetuate the cycle of negativity and unhappiness in their children."
Thank you for your insights. You are truly a gifted writer. My story seems aligned with yours, yet as the youngest in my family, I still crave some sort of acceptance from others. It started by hoping my older siblings or parents might acknowledge my good qualities, then I longed for recognition in my career, rather than accept the inner satisfaction of having done the best I knew to do. Now, I find I still long for acceptance within my small circle of activities and even with the grandchildren! The World Pulse opportunity of writing these feelings out is very powerful. Thanks!

Jill Langhus
Mar 19
Mar 19

Hello Lizzie,

How are you doing? You're very welcome.

Thanks so much for reading and commenting on my post. And also for your kind and thoughtful feedback. I'm glad my story resonated for you. I thought that it might. I hear you about the acceptance thing. Yes, it is very powerful. I hope you continue to write your stories, too, on the forum, so that you can be healed as well. Please feel free to private message me if you would like to chat, or just need some encouragement or support. I'm here for you, as we all are:-)

Hope you're having a good day, dear!

LizzieBartley24
Mar 22
Mar 22

Thank you for your invitation for a private chat. How do I do that?
I found the process of writing my VERY LONG! story very helpful The challenge now is to let go of "trauma" and focus on solutions.
Although it seems my concerns now are regarding "aging" and so I worry that my contributions aren't all that useful for others except that persistence in this journey never should decay!
I started to research family ancestry and found myself uncontrollably sobbing today when I discovered I was named after a paternal grandmother. How is it possible to grow up and know absolutely nothing about family--names of relatives, interests, etc?

Jill Langhus
Mar 23
Mar 23

You're welcome:-) If you click on my username that goes to my profile you can see two red buttons on the left. Click the one that says "message," and I will receive a private message.

I'm glad that you found it healing to write and share your story. That's great! And you never know who else you might inspire along the way, too.

I see. Well, there are several "tools" and resources along the way, fortunately, to help us work through our traumas. Your contributions, and unique life's mission, are always important, dear, no matter how old you are. Have you heard of Louise Hay? She started Hay House publishing at 65. I admire your tenacity, and I agree with you about perseverance. I would check out Dr. Christiane Northrup's work about aging. It will be very liberating and eye-opening on how you view aging: https://www.drnorthrup.com/

Aw, that's sweet and thoughtful that you were named after your grandmother. Yes, I can relate to what you're saying, dear.

I hope to hear from you soon, and I hope you're having a good day!

Chinyere
Mar 19
Mar 19

Thank you for sharing your story with us. Sometimes i feel invincible too, but we keep pressing on. I am inspired

Jill Langhus
Mar 20
Mar 20

You're welcome, dear. Thanks for reading it:-)

Indeed. Yes, we do:-)

Glad to hear it! Hope you're having a great day!

J Brenda Lanyero
Mar 19
Mar 19

Hello Jill,
Thank you so much for sharing this. We often fight for all that. It is normally very tough on the first and last child as a first child, you have all that plus that of being responsible to see your other siblings okay. We thank god for World Pulse that we are always enough no matter the order of birth. You always inspire me. : )

Jill Langhus
Mar 20
Mar 20

Hello Brenda,

You're very welcome:-) I agree on the sibling thing, and also on being grateful for World Pulse:-)

Aw, thank you:-) And, thanks for reading my post.

Hope you have a great day, dear!

J Brenda Lanyero
Mar 20
Mar 20

You are welcome : )

Anita Kiddu Muhanguzi

Wooow Jill,
This is a beautiful piece. It is very true that change actually starts with a story. Am thankf for World pulse because it brought me closer to lovely souls like you. You are beautiful in and out and glad you are happy and you have found yourself. You have always been visible, its the people who have been around who were blind.
Love you my dear sister and looking forward to many more of your stories.

Jill Langhus
Mar 20
Mar 20

Hi Anita,

Well, thank you, ma'am:-) Yes, it is true!

Aw. How very kind you are. I'm very grateful, too, to have finally found a very close knit family in World Pulse as well:-) Thank you, dear, for your very thoughtful and beautiful words. This could be true:-)

Love you too, dear:-) Thanks for the encouragement.... I need it, believe it or not!

Thanks for reading my story and for all the lovely feedback! I hope you're having a great day!

Sophie Ngassa
Mar 20
Mar 20

Dear Jill, Thank you for sharing this amazing story of your life. I could not stop reading it. Waow! Thank you too and much Love!

Jill Langhus
Mar 20
Mar 20

Hello My Dear Sophie,

You're very welcome. Thanks so much for reading it and for your lovely feedback, too:-)

XX

Tamarack Verrall
Mar 20
Mar 20

Jill, My dear Sister,
It was so moving for me to read your story and to know that you, Hero of Encouragement, She who Writes so Beautifully and always From Her Heart to acknowledge and send support to others, has ever struggled with a feeling of being invisible. I smiled as I read, knowing how your personal message would resonate with so many of us. How perfect that finding your very central and loving place here within our global community, you have not only healed but found your Life's Work. This too, so many of us are able to share having that same experience. Our dreams coming true by finding and sending love and support to each other.
Much love always, in Sisterhood,
Tam

Jill Langhus
Mar 20
Mar 20

My lovely, and dearest Tam,

Thanks so much for reading my story, and for giving me such lovely, and intuitive feedback, as always. You're such a gem:-) And, yes, originally finding World Pulse in the "Half the Sky" book, for it to keep calling to me, and to what I do now, is an awesome bit of synchronicity, if you ask me:-) Yes!

You rock, sister!

XXOO

Rachyrae
Mar 20
Mar 20

Wow Jill, this one of the most inspiring post that I have come across in a long time. I never realised how great you were in expressing your inner thoughts other than now. Thank you for sharing your journey with me and all the beautiful ladies worldwide. You are remarkable! Never forget that.

Jill Langhus
Mar 21
Mar 21

Hi Racheal,

Thanks so much for your wonderful/supportive feedback, and for reading my post:-) I appreciate it! And, I'm very glad to hear that you found it so inspiring.

You're welcome.

Hope you're having a great day!

SIMON MUREU
Mar 21
Mar 21

THIS IS you first story I read from you in recent times Thank you also for reading and commenting on many many stories

Jill Langhus
Mar 21
Mar 21

Hi Simon,

Thanks for reading my story! You're welcome.

Hope you're having a good day:-)

Jacqueline Namutaawe

Hi Jill
Thanks for your story and I would like to appreciate you for taking time to read almost everyone's writeup it is invaluable and it shows our writing skills are being appreciated. Thanks for the kind words of affirmation for each story that you read and respond to. Indeed we are all aiming for the starts, and basking in the glow of sisterly love… moving one step closer, every day, to realizing our dream life...ha ha ha..

Jill Langhus
Mar 22
Mar 22

Hello dear,

You're welcome:-) Thanks for reading my story and for acknowledging my efforts. I appreciate it, and you:-)

Yay! I hope so:-) That would be soo awesome.

Thanks again, and hope you have a great weekend, dear.

Hello, my beloved sister Jill,

I love this piece so much: how you felt invisible in your family and how you found a real family on World Pulse. The gratitude from your heart sends positive energy.

It now all make sense today why you are always present on every World Pulse’s post. It’s because you knew what it felt like to be invisible and unheard, and you don’t want that to be felt by a sister sharing her story.

I’m so happy how you knit all those bad experiences and create a new narrative now that you are in control of your life. If it weren’t for those years of confusion, abuse and trauma, you wouldn’t be as caring, as empathetic, as understanding, as present as you are today.

It’s true to all of us here. We are all victims of wounded people, but because we knew what it felt like to be shamed, abandoned, judged and silenced, we come here and support each other. We come here to heal, even as become healers ourselves.

This reminds me of a post, “Be who you needed where you were younger”. This is all of usnow on World Pulse altogether changing the narratives of our lifes’ story.

Thank you for writing this, Jill. I’m so proud that you’ve written another piece. I hope you keep writing. Good luck on your submission. :)

Jill Langhus
Mar 22
Mar 22

Hello dearest Karen:-)

Aww...gush:-) Glad to hear it!!

And, yes, exactly:-)

You are probably right, that we are all here due to dysfunction in some way, I suppose, although, I hope that isn't true. And, as empaths, we are natural healers, too.

You're welcome. Thanks for the encouragement... I needed it:-) You're my #1 cheerleader! Thanks for that, and the well wishes:-)

I hope you keep on writing, Jill. You have that gift. A lot of what you write resonates with me, and to give a feedback on each one, I would be writing a post of my own. Haha. I would let your words linger on my thoughts as I reflect about your message.

Empaths as healers. I like that.

Aww. How humbling to be called as your number one cheerleader. Thank you! You are mine, too.

Hope all is well. :)

Jill Langhus
Mar 22
Mar 22

Thank you, dear. I'm glad to hear it. Oh, thought provoking, too...bonus:-) Yes, I think all empaths are healers in one way or the other. You are, though, and I do appreciate it:-) Awesome. Glad to hear it, and be it! Yes, dear. Ty.

Oluwatoyin Olabisi
Jun 13
Jun 13

I love your frankness.It is funny how our experiences shape our lives positively

Jill Langhus
Jun 13
Jun 13

Hello Oluwatoyin,

Thanks for reading my story and for your feedback:-) Yes, it is!! Hope you're having a great day:-)

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