Some truth are hard to tell

jeannette nahora
Posted January 9, 2021 from Democratic Republic of the Congo

You are afraid to admit how old you are turning this year.you have suffered alot but try to always hide the pain to make society feel at ease and stop their judgement

This is your fourth or let say your sixth year, working as a full time employee.your net salary is 350 or 400 thousand each month , but you don't even have 2 million in your bank account yet you are a celibate

Those whom you consider as your generation are now getting married ,others have children.moreover,they are whose who are living your dream life and drive your dream car .but how come?

How come you only have two shirts and one jeans in addition to few t_shirts your little sister bought for you last year? How come you wear one pair of shoes the whole year without substitute?

But will you believe me if I say that I understand? Will you trust me if i say that I'm proud of you?

You were forced to move from your teenage life and provide for the family. You've never got a time to enjoy what your generation has 

Experienced because of the responsibilities you had on plate

Your life has changed alot when you started working with sweat to be a real wimen. Your family has become your priority and made you forgot your self. You were forced to be a mom to your parents and also to your siblings

In those years you've been working,you managed to build a house for them, they are no longer renting you pay school fees for your siblings and make sure that your sisters braids are new,that  your mom has new kitenge,and your dad has pocket money

You can't imagine yourself buying new shirt not shoes because their lunches on your head.you are much older than your age. but you keep your sense of humor and cover your soul pain.you can't bring the idea of dating because you know you can't give enough your lovely boy

You keep undermining your self because you feel like you don't deserve good things.you always hear people saying how successful they are and make you feel guilty of having nothing.

But let me tell you this.

You are more than enough.you are true sign of successful person

You were not born rich,but you worked hard and change your family'standard of living .you are the best sister,best girl and role model

Stop asking what the future holds because your hard work will pay,and those who love you will stay.and consider this as well

I'm your secret admirer 

Stay blessed all

 

Comments 6

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Nini Mappo
Jan 09
Jan 09

Dear Keza,
First of all, it is such a great level of wisdom that the character in your story sees success, not as the expensive finery she possesses, but what she has built through sacrifice.
She has built freedom from poverty, empowerment from ilitracy, and bought dignity for her parents. That is counter-cultural in today's individualistic world of instant gratification, where people will get into debt to keep up with fashion trends because of peer pressure.

I identify with the guilt that you speak of, of getting nice things when your family has felt needs that nerd to be met. It's a very uncomfortable frustrating space, when buying what you need feels wrong, or is only right if you are 'rewarding' yourself.

That said, the character has looked after others. She should embark on self care now.

Split the budget if she has to. Have 'my money' portion and 'their money portion', and meet her needs without guilt. Family is to enjoy, to share the good and the bad, not to be burdensome.

The character should set a 'treat' budget, some money set aside for spontaneous fun once a week /month.

King Solomon once said "a generous person prospers. And the one who refreshes others is refreshed too." (proverbs 11 :25)

So why should the woman keep refreshing her family while she withers inside, in silence?

You know, in the Africa spirit of family before self, I help my family a lot. And then my big sister told me like four weeks ago: "Nini, you are not God. And even God doesn't answer every prayer with a yes"! She also reminded me the golden rule, to love others as I love myself. Emphasis on love myself.

So to this girl I say, I'm proud of your sacrificial love and generosity towards your family. But how about you direct the same degree of love and generosity towards yourself?
I hope that you can tell her that for me, and pass on hugs and sparkles!!

jeannette nahora
Jan 09
Jan 09

Dear Nini
First of all thank you for your comment and I'm glad for it.
As you know God answers our prays as he wish not how we wish
And before God answer our prays
He first balance it inorder to not give us much that will lead us to feel like we are high than others
Or give us lower that will feel like it's not satisfied for us
So continue to help your family I know one day your work deeds will pay you
More and more
Thank you

Tamarack Verrall
Jan 09
Jan 09

Dear Keza,
This is the heart of a woman, so determined to help others, and now with much to celebrate in herself at what she has made possible for so many. I agree with Nini that it is also important for this loving, kind-hearted woman to allow herself to have a percentage of what she gives out, to give to herself. As women we are never told that it is ok and important to give to ourselves, to keep ourselves strong and to make room for our reasons for being on earth to grow, sometimes in surprising directions as we embrace ourselves, our ideas and dreams as important. You have had tremendous success supporting so many! This stood out to me: "You are afraid to admit how old you are turning this year". It is still so prevalent in this patriarchal world to dismiss women age, and yet that is when we begin to understand what we have to offer. To her I would encourage embracing this age, and recognizing this thought as a turning point, that the time to truly trust that giving time and money to herself to support her own dreams, is right now. This woman has a heart of gold. What she does for herself now will benefit the whole world, and no matter what society says, her sisters are here to cheer her on!

Urmila Chanam
Jan 10
Jan 10

Dearest Keza,
'Only a God's child has the heart and mind to live a life of sacrifice and not just her family but her God rejoices and celebrates. Live not in want of (wo)man's praises because they will never come, but do the works of what God taught us.
Love and prayers,
Urmila Chanam,
India

Dear Keza,

I join you in telling this woman that she is enough. She gave enough. She have enough. Her success is seen on how she rose up through life's challenges, endured the hardest, and yet chose to care for others despite her pain. She deserves to be celebrated.

I learned from Nini that the Filipino (Philippines) culture has similiarities with the African culture that adult children still provide for their parents and siblings. This had been my situation, too. As an eldest child, I had to find solutions on how to feed and provide for my family, my parents couldn't be bothered to find sources of income because they live by faith and prayer, waiting for the next miracle to feed us. But faith without action is dead. I have been an out-of-school youth for six years, and when an opportunity to go back to school came, I had to excel in my studies so my tuition can be free as a Dean's Lister, and share my allowance with my family.

My two younger sisters, bless their heart, recently told me I shouldn't worry about our parents and to focus in raising my children. They will take care of the household expenses. It's great to sacrifice what we earn for people we love, but I hope that this generation will be wise enough not to bear children and let them be the parents' future providers.

Thank you for uplifting women like the one you address this post, too. If this is you, I'm your secret admirer! Oh, that's no longer a secret now.haha. Please keep on writing!

Dear keza,
Thank you so much for sharing this.

I join other sisters to say that you are enough.
You are amazing