This is me.

Posted October 29, 2020 from United Kingdom

I'm 55 and happily married to the bestest man ever on the entire planet, he's 59- but before we met I never married-he never did either-and I was forever alone. I had and still have no family of any sort apart from my hubby and was tossed from one place to the next and treated like filth all my life from the second I was dragged kicking and screaming into this world.  I was never ever drug or booze addicted so no problem there-never done any sort of drugs and I have 1 glass of cream liqueurs a week! No criminal record/never arrested etc. 

Over various years I've been sexually assaulted, beaten up and raped and trampled on.

I was working 3 jobs a week Monday to Saturday and 1 on a Sunday so was working 7 days a week year after year and was quiet and did my best not to bother anyone but absolutely nobody wanted to know me unless they wanted something. They don't like those like me who are physically disabled, plain and large. Constantly told I'm unintelligent, stupid, useless etc. and I had it all through school from ages 5-16 from pupils and teachers. 

I have no qualifications other than 4 Level 2 Basic Certificates because to this day I still believe I'm stupid, useless etc. after having it rammed down my throat since I was born.  

In my 30s I had a severe breakdown, lost lost 5 stone in 3 months because I was eating 1 yoghurt every 4 weeks, just living on liquids and my nerves and on the rare occasion I did eat in public I had others telling me I'm too fat and ugly and should eat less, I couldn't eat any less than 1 yoghurt a month! I was getting thinner and thinner rapidly. I was seriously suicidal and had many overdoses and slashed wrists. The only things that kept me alive were my beloved pets, I would have actually killed myself if it wasn't for them.

Then in 2007 I met and married my hubby, I'm now f/t self-employed, live hundreds of miles away from where I lived/worked before, my weight is at it's normal for my height, I'm still very ''nervy'' but haven't tried to kill myself since 2007 and my hubby saved me from a life of self-destruct and unbelievable loneliness. 


Comments 6

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Tamarack Verrall
Oct 29
Oct 29

Dear Klingonwoman,
A big warm welcome to World Pulse! People can be so cruel, and you have experienced this close up for such a long time. What wonderful news that you have always had animals, and that especially that you have the 'bestest man ever' now as your husband. I am so happy for you. Here you will find deep loving sisterhood. Your story is powerful, and shows just how strong your own spirit is to have survived.

Oct 30
Oct 30

Thank you very much! As well as what I put in my story I've been, various times over the years, sexually assaulted, beaten up, raped and trampled on but I refuse to let that sort of stuff get in the way of life!

My hubby constantly makes me laugh, calls me names like ''dumpling'' and ''dinkums'', we have lovely drives out together ...will be having another this Sunday coming 1st of November if we're not working 7 days a week again, and just having a good time!

Sadly we can't have pets here at our rented flat as it's a no-pets policy but our landlord lets us doggy-sit our friends 2 doggies, Lord Bobby and his sister Lady Stitch when they're away, which is 4 times a year from 24 hours up to a week+ so that's good!

Have a great day!

All the best

Nini Mappo
Oct 30
Oct 30

Hello Klingonwoman,
I love the various instances of redemption in your story: self redemption, redemption by pets, by work, by love, by life. And in this comment above you're redeeming the joys of caring for/befriending an a pet and being thankful with the limited time you have with the furry friends.
Your hubby sounds like a fair dinkum top bloke. I'm so glad you found each other and can now dance to the same rhythm of living. Good on you for loving yourself through the darkness until the light of dawn broke through, even when you weren't sure that that's what you were doing.
Stay in the sunshine, love :)

Oct 30
Oct 30

Hi Klingonwoman,
A warm welcome to World Pulse, your new family.....Yaaaaayyyyyyy! Congratulations on your first post too. Thank you for sharing your personal story.

You are wonderfully and fearfully created. You are enough. it's so unfair to wrongfully take advantage of one another. We ought to always remember that we are all human. Sorry about all went through. Body-shaming is so rife in our various communities. 'Wish we put ourselves more in each other's shoes, allowing us to empathise better.

'Glad about your soulmate. We celebrate him too.

'Great that you are raising your voice. Keep writing and shining, Sis.

Love and hugs,
E. J.

Oct 30
Oct 30

I am so happy to hear how much your wonderful husband has done for you and I'm so extremely happy that despite all of those horrible things that have happened throughout your life, you still kept going. You are an inspiration and I am so sorry that those things happened to you. You did not deserve ANY of those things and I may not know you but I know that you ARE smart, worthy, beautiful and so many other wonderful things. Never listen to the negativity others give you. You are worth it and your life matters. I am so happy you found your wonderful husband and I wish you two the absolute best. I hope your life continues to be beautiful and is full of love, beauty, hope, and happiness. You deserve it.

Hello, Klingonwoman,

Welcome to World Pulse! What a joy that a new voice from UK is rising up.

Wow, you are one tough survivor. I love how your story has a happy ending. I enjoy reading stories where marriage is a healthy and loving relationship. It brings positive energy. Please keep on writing. You have no idea who you are inspiring.

Welcome again to our growing sisterhood!