How do women/girls bully and why do they bully?

Marie-Claire Kuja
Posted January 19, 2016 from United States
Zengeza High school Zimbabwe
Yours truly teaching girls on the importance of creating a bully-free world for us and the generation to come.

Most studies about bullying focus on boys as aggressors but girls can be bullies too and when girls bully it can be an entirely different beast. When we think of bullying we tend to think physical violenceand outward taunting but when girls bully their tactics are often quiet.

In book 2 of my book series, I addressed the issue of bullying and will love to share some ideas with you sisters on World Pulse.

How do you recognize a girl bully?

It’s very hard to recognize from the outside looking in because it can be hard to tell a group of girls who are bullying from a group of girls who are innocently standing around.

Girls socialize differently from boys. As girls get older their peer interactions become less physical and more cerebral. Girls engage in verbal bonding by sharing stories, hopes, and dreams. Since girls bond differently from boys it makes sense that when they bully it would be different too. Teachers and parents tend to talk about the obvious when they talk about bullying. Playground scuffles, name calling, stealing personal items and damaging property are commonly cited examples of bullying behavior. But when girls bully they aren’t so obvious. Girls can be quietly vicious with their victims and adults often fail to treat their behavior as bullying

Here are some ways that women/girls bully

Girls bully by using emotional violence. They do things that make others feel alienated and alone. Some of the tactics used by girls who bully include:

  • Anonymous prank phone calls or harassing emails from dummy accounts e.g cyber bullying whereby they hide behind their keyboards and tease others.
  • Playing jokes or tricks designed to embarrass and humiliate.
  • Deliberate exclusion of other girls for no real reason.
  • Whispering in front of other girls with the intent to make them feel left out.
  • Name calling.
  • Rumor spreading and other malicious verbal interactions.
  • Being friends one week and then turning against a peer the next week with no incident or reason for the action.
  • Encouraging others to ignore or pick on a specific girl.
  • Inciting others to act out violently or aggressively.
  • Gossip
  • Backbiting .
  • Turning friends against friends.

Why is it important to address the issue of girls bullying?

  • They grow into women hating women.
  • They because so jealous of others.
  • They spend time comparing and competing with others.
  • They grow up to be self-haters.

Here is my question and you ask it too?

Are you the mean girl next door?

If so, where have you kept your gentleness as a woman?

What will you do if your daughter is a bully?

What will you do if your daughter is a victim?

And what if you were a victim of bullying?

Is there any fun or pleasure in what you do by hurting others?

Is it worth your time and effort?

What will you do?

Here are some action steps

If you are the bully, then search deep into your heart and find out why you do it and seek help.

If the bully is your child or friend help them to look at life with different eyes. Let them know that there is more to life than being vicious, wicked, and mean to others.

The truth is that every human being is equipped with some great talents and gifts. Why not use your time to do just one nice thing to someone instead of wasting that time causing pain to people? It definitely takes a lot of time and energy to strategize on how you will go about carrying out your bullying act. Put this energy into your education, your talents and gifts.

A message to all bullies.

Think of some ways you can handle the situation in a calm and positive manner. Express your feelings to people around you like your parents or siblings, teachers, or at most seek help from your pastor or a counselor. Share your story with others and you will be surprised you are not alone. Don’t bundle up pain inside of you.

What are some good things you can do to make people comfortable around you for once? What can you do as a citizen of this world that will guarantee a safe and bully-free world for all?

Apart from making people miserable, what can you do to make people happy? What do you really love? What gets you amped up every time you think about it? Make a list of what you like to do (your talents and gifts).

Focus your time and energy on developing your talents/ gifts and use it to do just one nice thing to yourself, your community and the world. There are many opportunites out there for you but you must be willing to embrace them.

A take home for you.

Find your uniqueness:It’s very important to know what makes you stand out from everyone else. What is it that you are doing or saying that no one else is? Make a list of things that inspire you and use it to inspire someone.

As human beings we all have imperfections and sometimes they make us feel inadequate. But the key is to know who you are and to whom you belong. The next time you gang up to gossip or go fight another girl, pause and think about what your words and actions will cause and try learn how to foucs your attention on better things.

Know thyself:Embrace yourself and celebrate who you are joyfully and with pride.

Whats your calling?Whats in your hands?:God has given each of us an assignment in the world yet he unites us to inspire, empower and encourage each and share for the greater good of all humanity.Go out there and make your life to count because who you are matters.

To you all with much love.


Comments 9

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Chi Yvonne Leina
Jan 19, 2016
Jan 19, 2016

Dear Kujamac12,

This is a very didactic  post.I think it`s a lesson that should be taught to all women groups.Thank you for sharing.



Marie-Claire Kuja
Jan 19, 2016
Jan 19, 2016

Hello Mme Leina.

Thank you so kindly for your encouraging words. I thought it was necessary to share this post particularly because this is a women based community and women and girls need to be constantly reminded about how their words and actions can affect others positively or negatively.

Thanks again and do stop by tomorrow for a new hot topic---Cyber bullying.

Yours truly,


Jan 21, 2016
Jan 21, 2016

Dear Kujamac12, Thank you for your journal. This journal is very helpful. In Japan, there are some suicides of children (especially junior high scool children) because of bullying, and school doesn't know,pretends not knowing or even hides realities of bullying. I want to many people who suffer from bullying read this journal to overcome bullying.

Thank you.

Marie-Claire Kuja
Jan 22, 2016
Jan 22, 2016

Hello Hikarlie.

Thank you so much for your comment.Yes,suicides of children especailly in high schools due to bullying is on the rise around.However,schools do not have to pretend it doesn't happen or continue to hide the realities.To avert the premature deaths of children in our schools and communities we must stand up and intensify our bullying prevention tactics.

I do have a manual that can be used for workshop sessions on bullying prevention and self-esteem building for schools and communities.Don't hesitate to get in touch if you ever want to spearhead such a project  in Japan.

Thank you sincerely,

Yours truly,


Sarah Murali
Jan 22, 2016
Jan 22, 2016

Greetings Kuja!

What a valuable post you are sharing here. This is an important topic, both for the well-being of children, but also for adults! Bullies grow up, and while their tactics might change, many continue the destructive behaviors they formed in childhood.

You are right - bullying among girls can easily be overlooked. I really love the "take home" advice that you left us readers with -- to consider what makes us unique, and to know ourselves.

I am no expert on this subject, but my intuition is that when girls bully other girls, it is often in reaction to their own insecurities and fears. Realizing and valuing our own uniqueness is sometimes a difficult task, but it is an antidote to this kind of insecurity and violence. When you have confidence in yourself, you won't feel the need to prop yourself up by diminishing others. You know that you can stand on your own, and that they can stand tall beside you without being a threat. Teachers and parents can play such an important role in helping children develop this kind of self-confidence and self-esteem that will also allow them to develop tolerance and compassion.

You've given me good food for thought, Kuja! Thank you!


Marie-Claire Kuja
Jan 22, 2016
Jan 22, 2016

Hello Sarah.

Thank you lots for such a brilliant response.I am so blessed by your kind words.You are very correct.Girls usually bully others because of their own inadequacies and weaknesses.However,the antidote as you rightly said is when a girl is brave enough to look at herself in a mirror,accept and embrace her impecfections  joyfully,completely and with pride.It is our responsibility as parents,teachers and community leaders to teach our girls and women that everyone is special and unique in their own right.We may all be imperfect but  but just enough.

The exciting news is that Sally, a teacher from Cameroon who read this post has started a girls' club in her school to teach bullying prevention and the importance for girls to be a sisters' keeper.72 students joined her club on the first day and am excited to see how things will go.I am happy to share the manual and curriculum with Sally that will be used to teach the girls and will be glad to share with women from around the world.

Thank you once more Sarah.

Yours truly,


Tamarack Verrall
Jan 23, 2016
Jan 23, 2016

Hello Kuja,

I am so glad that you raised this issue, and with such a complete, compact article, and with such down to earth positive and loving suggestions. I agree that this bullying by women and girls toward each  other can take subtle and vicious forms. I believe that it stems from personal insecurity mixed with deep social expectations for us to mistrust each other and to attack each other, to fit into the role of taking part in keeping each other down. So having a course like this being part of all groups would free up so much loving energy for selves and each other. Thanks for this. It is heartening that you have made this available.


Jan 23, 2016
Jan 23, 2016
This comment has been removed by the commenter or a moderator.
Marie-Claire Kuja
Jan 23, 2016
Jan 23, 2016

Greetings Tam.

Thank you so much. I am blessed and encouraged by your kind comment.

I totally agree with your words",I believe that it stems from personal insecurity mixed with deep social expectations".Absolutely right.Most of the time people bully others due to their own weaknesses/insecurities which makes them to prop themselve up by putting others down.Having this topic  as a course in all group here on World Pulse and even offline in our different communities will be superb.( and I am very open to teach that course).

One of us has already taken the lead and started a girls' club in her school in Cameroon to teach bullying prevention and self-esteem building.This move will avert the premature deaths of many children.

Together we are stronger and can create programs that will  provide a loving,peaceful and bully-free world for us and for tomorrow.'

Thank you immensely Tam.

Yours truly.


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