How do women/girls bully and why do they bully?

Marie-Claire Kuja
Posted February 11, 2016 from United States

Most studies about bullying focus on boys as aggressors but girls can be bullies too and when girls bully it can be an entirely different beast. When we think of bullying we tend to think physical violenceand outward taunting but when girls bully their tactics are often quiet.

In book 2 of my book series, I addressed the issue of bullying and will love to share some ideas with you sisters on World Pulse.

How do you recognize a girl bully?

It’s very hard to recognize from the outside looking in because it can be hard to tell a group of girls who are bullying from a group of girls who are innocently standing around.

Girls socialize differently from boys. As girls get older their peer interactions become less physical and more cerebral. Girls engage in verbal bonding by sharing stories, hopes, and dreams. Since girls bond differently from boys it makes sense that when they bully it would be different too. Teachers and parents tend to talk about the obvious when they talk about bullying. Playground scuffles, name calling, stealing personal items and damaging property are commonly cited examples of bullying behavior. But when girls bully they aren’t so obvious. Girls can be quietly vicious with their victims and adults often fail to treat their behavior as bullying

Here are some ways that women/girls bully

Girls bully by using emotional violence. They do things that make others feel alienated and alone. Some of the tactics used by girls who bully include:

Anonymous prank phone calls or harassing emails from dummy accounts e.g cyber bullying whereby they hide behind their keyboards and tease others. Playing jokes or tricks designed to embarrass and humiliate. Deliberate exclusion of other girls for no real reason. Whispering in front of other girls with the intent to make them feel left out. Name calling. Rumor spreading and other malicious verbal interactions. Being friends one week and then turning against a peer the next week with no incident or reason for the action. Encouraging others to ignore or pick on a specific girl. Inciting others to act out violently or aggressively. Gossip Backbiting . Turning friends against friends.

Why is it important to address the issue of girls bullying?

They grow into women hating women. They because so jealous of others. They spend time comparing and competing with others. They grow up to be self-haters.

Here is my question and you ask it too?

Are you the mean girl next door?

If so, where have you kept your gentleness as a woman?

What will you do if your daughter is a bully?

What will you do if your daughter is a victim?

And what if you were a victim of bullying?

Is there any fun or pleasure in what you do by hurting others?

Is it worth your time and effort?

What will you do?

Here are some action steps

If you are the bully, then search deep into your heart and find out why you do it and seek help.

If the bully is your child or friend help them to look at life with different eyes. Let them know that there is more to life than being vicious, wicked, and mean to others.

The truth is that every human being is equipped with some great talents and gifts. Why not use your time to do just one nice thing to someone instead of wasting that time causing pain to people? It definitely takes a lot of time and energy to strategize on how you will go about carrying out your bullying act. Put this energy into your education, your talents and gifts.

A message to all bullies.

Think of some ways you can handle the situation in a calm and positive manner. Express your feelings to people around you like your parents or siblings, teachers, or at most seek help from your pastor or a counselor. Share your story with others and you will be surprised you are not alone. Don’t bundle up pain inside of you.

What are some good things you can do to make people comfortable around you for once? What can you do as a citizen of this world that will guarantee a safe and bully-free world for all?

Apart from making people miserable, what can you do to make people happy? What do you really love? What gets you amped up every time you think about it? Make a list of what you like to do (your talents and gifts).

Focus your time and energy on developing your talents/ gifts and use it to do just one nice thing to yourself, your community and the world. There are many opportunites out there for you but you must be willing to embrace them.

A take home for you.

Find your uniqueness:It’s very important to know what makes you stand out from everyone else. What is it that you are doing or saying that no one else is? Make a list of things that inspire you and use it to inspire someone.

As human beings we all have imperfections and sometimes they make us feel inadequate. But the key is to know who you are and to whom you belong. The next time you gang up to gossip or go fight another girl, pause and think about what your words and actions will cause and try learn how to foucs your attention on better things.

Know thyself:Embrace yourself and celebrate who you are joyfully and with pride.

Whats your calling?Whats in your hands?:God has given each of us an assignment in the world yet he unites us to inspire, empower and encourage each and share for the greater good of all humanity.Go out there and make your life to count because who you are matters.

To you all with much love.

Comments 4

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Sally maforchi Mboumien
Feb 11, 2016
Feb 11, 2016

Hello kujamac12 Thanks for creating this awareness. I particularly like the way you have identified the other forms of bullying which many people are unaware of. I equally find your self building proposals worthwhile. What I will like to propose you do to take this struggle to another level is try to come up with module on bullying which could be included in teacher training college programs. What I mean is some course that helps them identify and manage these cases of bullying. To tell you the truth my 12 years of teaching secondary school students makes me confirm the forms of bullying among girls you cited. This has caused a lot of disorder. Please think of how of help my country and community. Remain blessed

Marie-Claire Kuja
Feb 12, 2016
Feb 12, 2016

Hello Mme Masalien's.

Thank you for your kind words.

You're very right .A module on bullying that can be included in  teacher's training college program is important.You know when parents send their children off to school in the morning,there is always that trust  in them that  they have sent their children to another parent (the teacher).However this trust has been betrayed in so many ways by teachers who knowingly or unknowingly use their words to belittle and abuse children especially those who do not perform well in class.Saying things like ;you are so stupid,or foolish is very demeaning and negatively affects the self-esteem of children.But I bet many teachers in our nation do not realize that there is anything wrong with that.

When I started writing on false labelling(stigmatization),self-esteem and bullying,I tried to research the Cameroon book market to see what was already on the market or at least in  schools on these topics but to my greatest surprise there was none.

Change really starts with us and only when we aknowledge that  there is something that  needs to be  changed.I applaud you for recognizing that bullying exist in schools in Cameroon.I also appreciate your effort for taking necessary steps to stop it.

The project you are about to launch will go a long way to create awareness on the topic and will subsequently spread to other regions.Change does not happen over night but I believe this is a great place to start.Congrats on the bold step.

In the years a head I will definitely come up with  a module for teachers by the grace of God.

Together we are stronger and can defintely build a strong synergy towards the development of our continent's women and girls.

Thank you very kindly for stopping by.

kuja.

Olanike
Apr 16, 2016
Apr 16, 2016

Dear Kujamac,

I am glad I found time to read your well put together piece on bullying; which is an age long challenge that is often undermined or overlooked. By creating awareness and developing tool kits that will equip victims, perpetrators and all concerned about how the issue of bullying can eradicated, you are sure transforming and saving lives. I say this essentially because I have heard of highly pathetic cases/stories of victims of bullying who ended up committing suicide.

Accordingly, I concur with Masalien's suggestion about you coming up with a module on the subject, as it will go a long way in helping parents, teachers and other trainers address the issue. You are changing the world for the best in your own unique way, and I applaud your every effort!

Blessings, Olanike.

Marie-Claire Kuja
Apr 17, 2016
Apr 17, 2016

Hello sis-Greengirl

Thank you so much for stopping by.I understand how hectic times ca be and appreciate you for sparing some time to come and read and leave some words of encouragement.

I am working on a module on the subject that will help parents,victims and perpetrators as well.They need a lot of help.I  will  also continue to create awareness both on and offline.Bullying is a problem and greatly needs a solution.

Thanks again for being so kind.

Be blessed.

Yours truly,

Kuja.