Social Exclusion -Bullying at its Worst

Marie-Claire Kuja
Posted February 22, 2016 from United States
psychological effect of exclusion

Bullying is defined as repeated, persistent and aggressive behavior intended to cause fear, distress, or harm to another person's body, emotions, self-esteem or reputation.

Today lets take a look at yet another dangerous form of bullying which usually goes unnoticed.

Social exclusion occurs not only with children but adults as well, especially on social media, in the neighborhoods, in schools and workplaces. The sad reality is that where ever it’s done it still hurts anyways. It continues to cause individuals and families emotional trauma and stress. We have always known that being left out of things on purpose can cause hurt. In fact the notion of feeling deliberately excluded causes the same pain as being labelled falsely (as in verbal abuse), or beaten. This is probably why we perceive deliberate isolation or being rejected as a ‘punishing blow’. Which is why being deliberately excluded can be used as a powerful bullying technique.

So what do you do if you feel you are on the receiving end of it?

How do you deal with exclusion?

A) ×××Awareness

Bullies know exclusion is a control technique. Knowledge is power and we need to be constantly informed to advance our social and work careers. So keeping you ‘out’ of the group keeps them in—and ahead of the game. It also serves to distance you from your allies. Ostracizing causes introspection and fear because we perceive exclusion from others in our peer group as being as harmful for our survival as something that can physically hurt us. Plus it is intentionally degrading. Maybe we are not cool enough or smart enough for the A group invitation. God forbid—even an embarrassment. Deliberate exclusion is a smart but cruel manipulative technique, so don’t let it work against you by falling for it. Statistically, girls are specifically good at performing acts of social exclusion. For them, it’s a strong and powerful tool used to negotiate their world and relationships. So educating yourself on their tricks will set you far apart from them with their low-life-thinking-mentality.

B) ×××Show independence Other people who are still on the ‘in’ are often embarrassed about talking about exclusion so they won’t do so willingly. Find other ways of getting information on events and meetings and work out a strategy to be able to attend them independently.

Also learn how to be your own person without relying on others.

C) ×××Don't show Your Distress

If you start probing other work colleagues you may be labelled as paranoid or oversensitive, particularly by the bully. ‘Why wasn’t I invited to that occasion?’ you ask someone on the inner circle—‘What occasion? It was just a casual come together. And remember, bullies are imaginative and have been known to ‘make up events’ to cause deliberate confusion and embarrassment. Their modus operandi is to paint you in an unfavorable light. Be ahead of them. It's ok to be vulnerable st times but not with bullies or they'll see that as a weakness.

D) ×××Who Are You Confiding In?

Exclusion is an insidious and dangerous thing. Don’t help the bully by telling friends you think you are being dropped. Voicing your fears will probably have the opposite effect to what you want. Out of self-preservation in a competitive world they will probably start avoiding you too.

E) ×××Leave no room for Excuses

Don’t play into the bully’s hands by not turning up to meetings or social situations that you are invited to. It will give ample reason to exclude you from those important events that might hold the key to your future career. Dress to kill and show up & keep your confidence at its best.

F) ×××Be Positive always

Group dynamics are changing constantly but your personal goals remain constant. What are somethings you plan to do that will set you apart? Then keep focused on your objectives and strive to achieve them. The way to beat a bully is to maintain that unique quality that makes you inimitable. And bullies hate that. They hate standouts. The best weapon against bullies is when nothing they're doing really matters to you. Their cruelty isn't stopping you from forging forward and achieving your dreams.

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Comments 4

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Sally maforchi Mboumien
Feb 24, 2016
Feb 24, 2016

Kujamac Thanks for the tips above because it's going to work well in the reforms I hope to see in our education. Actually following a study I carried out in Cameroon in 2014 on inclusion in teaching and learning I discovered their was another set of needs (psychosocial: lack of food, shelter, love, clothes, parents etc) which the program doesn't address. From this post I conclude these often neglected needs are the very bases for social exclusion which is bullying. Truly Kujamac please develop these tips into a handout so that we can include them in teacher training programs in Cameroon since we want to be very inclusive in our teaching and learning transactions.

Marie-Claire Kuja
Mar 06, 2016
Mar 06, 2016

Hello Masalien's Please forgive me first of all for responding to this post late. Yes dear most of the articles I write have already been developed into a book and will definitely help well in Cameroon. Like I said earlier about change,it is hard but with God on our side and our own determination, we can change so many things. Thanks for lot for always commenting brilliantly and kindly. That's great sisterhood and so appreciated too. Yours truly. Kuja.

Kauser Ismail
Dec 11, 2018
Dec 11, 2018

How does a 13 year old boy deal with a teacher who is trying to isolate him- the teacher has strongly recommended that the other children do not associate with this child. Your valuable feedback would be appreciated

So true! Thanks for sharing <3