I am the wounded Healer. No woman wants her marriage to fail. Every woman puts in their all to make it work. I did everything I thought I could do just to make my marriage work because I was scared and greatly ashamed of what people will think and say of me when I leave the marriage. Hmmmmmmmm but a time came when I had to be realistic and accept the fact that my efforts to make the marriage work weren't changing anything. Instead the bitterness,the hurt, unforgiveness, resentment in me kept growing by the day as the abuse increased. I had to make up my mind to face the shame ,my fears of the stigma of a failed marriage ,the fear of being solely responsible financially over myself and my kid.
When I finally overcame my fears and moved out of my abusive husband I felt inner peace yet the fear of the stigma was still there in my mind until I started talking about my fears to my love ones who encouraged me daily and made me feel valued and loved. Secondly,I felt completely healed from within when I was able to forgive myself for not standing up to say No to my parents when they forced me to marry against my will and forgave my parents for causing to marry a man I knew nothing about. When I was able to stop blaming myself and my parents,I started healing. Thirdly, when I had the opportunity to talk to girls and women in my church and community about Gender Based Violence and it's consequences oh my God, my healing was complete. I just realized the shame ,the stigma ,the fears of divorce had left me. I got empowered emotionally ,psychologically,and mentally. Today, I am a community social worker educating girls and women in my community on Gender Based Violence,trauma healing,self care,self love, child protection through Sensitization,education,workshops etc.
I decided to do this because I realized that many young girls and women were going through alot of abuse in their families and the community.
Secondly,I realized many women stay in abusive marriages and are killed for the same reasons that almost kept me in my own abusive marriage until I took a bold step. These reasons are:
1) Shame of being identified as that woman who couldn't make her marriage work because the society in Africa has made the woman to feel that she is fully responsible to make her marriage work. But as a wounded Healer, I go about to sensitize the women and men in my community to know that a marriage is the responsibility of both parties to make it work. One person can never make a marriage work nomatter how they try.
2) I realized women in abusive relationships continue to stay in the relationship because they are afraid of the stigma of being pointed in the community as that woman who has divorced so they remain the relationship and some are disfigured through physical abuse and some are even killed.
3) I realized also that some women stay in abusive marriages because they think they are protecting their children by staying in the abusive relationship. I go about educating the women that all that abuse is affecting the children emotionally and psychologically and will continue with long-term effects in the lives of the children if something is not done.
4)Last but not the least, I realized that women stay in abusive relationships because they are afraid of being completely responsible financially for themselves and their children. With this I encourage women that's it's possible to be financially independent if you first of all make up your mind and work towards it. It's possible.
With all the Sensitization and education that I have been making, I realized women are going through alot as some burst into tears in the cause of the lessons and some come to me for personal counseling.
I feel so happy in my spirit each time I touch lives through Sensitization and education of women and girls.