What Taking Complete Charge of My Path Looks Like

LakshmiGunasekar
Posted March 7, 2020 from India

I am 25. I am now learning to be a healer and a therapist. I am a student of Psychology, I am studying energy healing, emotions and how it impacts health and everything related to that.

I feel like I started out on this journey when I was 16, I said I wanted to become a doctor and started working on that. By the time I finished my 12th, it was too expensive for me to study medicine with my marks. It didn't seem right that I had to have the financial ability to do that. I thought may be I should study psychology, but the formal education system was to daunting, scary. 

I came across this alternate school called Swaraj University, a Self Deigned Learning program which did not have any exams or set curriculum, a program that helps you take charge of your own learning and narrative. This was such a scary decision to make! How dare I step out of the formal education system, how dare I take a "break", but when I took the leap it seemed just right. I didn't even want to go back to college or do medicine. 

This is something I understood about myself much later: I just didn't know how be still and listen to my own voice about I wanted, what was best for me. No one taught me as a kid that I am my own person and my voice is important, and spending time by oneself is important.

Even though I started off great at Swaraj by taking a look at my life so far and understanding what deeply bothered me. An incident of being child sexual abuse surfaced and I wanted to understand why someone would do that. Then I wanted to remove taboo around sex and sexuality, hosted workshops to do that. Came up with a tool to help people work on themselves called "Love letters to Your Deepest Darkest Self". 

Up until this point I was listening to my inner voice and following my heart. I tried working with sex workers, but I was told I am too young to do that. Annnnnd that was it! One rejection, I put my guards up. From this moment on, for the next 6 years I simply did what ever cam e my way, literally who ever came my way and what ever they wanted. I am realizing this right now in the last few months that I let the lack of self love and wanting external approval take over my life. 

I did really cool interesting stuff; but it was stuff that came my way, I didn't seek them. 

I worked for an anti-corruption organisation for 4 years, represented India in the UN, started a Silicon Valley funded company that did government liaison work without bribe, worked as a business development executive for The Hindu, Culture consultancy for a start up incubator, lived in Auroville curating experiential learning programs (river journeys), hosting psy-trance parties and pedaling drugs. This is typical of the wounded empaths' archetype. 

This was not just for work. It was for people, doing things that they introduced me to or doing things that they asked me to. Accepting love interests, fucking people, getting in relationships, accepting party invites, trying psychedelics, taking on someone's pain (quite literally, if you know about energy healing you know you can do that) and a lot more crazier weird shit. 

 You get the point, anything and everything that was cool, interesting and exciting. Towards the fag end of this 6-year-I-am-super-cool-phase, the "I can do anything that comes my way and be amazing at it" attitude got cockier and cockier; the duration of trying one new thing got from trying for 1 year then 6 months then 5, 4. Surfing everyone, everyone's wants, asks, whims and fancies; with no sense of self or the opposite of that, either from a place of zero ego or from the place of extreme ego.  

I am hurting for everyone of those decisions I took unaware of what I really wanted, and I am super angry because people who could have helped me out of abuse situations didn't. So mad at my parents too, who unintentionally let me seek for love and approval outside . I feel intensely burdened by the responsibilities i have now, my house, people I started engaging with, because I can't leave those halfway after opening up so many things for them. 

But I also know this is what taking complete charge of my path looks like this: 

Unlimited self-love, putting my needs before anyone else's, being aware of how powerful of a manifester I am and being very careful what I wish for, protecting my space and being very careful of who I let in, being aware that my guardian spirits are looking out for me, slowly healing myself and letting go of the need for approval while keeping some of that anger which is very fair and diving deep in the study of healing and therapy and sharpening my psychic abilities, healing and caring for people who deserve it  at my own pace and being very comfortable charging for my time. 

Comments 23

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Vidya Rajagopalan
Mar 07
Mar 07

Wow, amazing sneak peek of yourself

Hello, Lakshmi,

Welcome to World Pulse! Wow, another voice from India is rising up! I celebrate you, dear sister, for being young and already learned so much wisdom from your experience. I am glad that you are finally pursuing your passion for therapy and healing.

Please keep writing your journey here. We would love to know more about you. You are a good writer. India is really on fire today.

Happy International Women's Day!

LakshmiGunasekar
Mar 08
Mar 08

Thank you for saying that. Sharing here is very empowering. I will. :)

Urmila Chanam
Mar 08
Mar 08

Wow energy healing what an interesting area. In our current times we carry so much of emotional baggage and trauma and healing is such an underrated activity. Its high time

LakshmiGunasekar
Mar 08
Mar 08

Most definitely! I can't wait to share more as I learn more.

Dawn Arteaga
Mar 08
Mar 08

Welcome to World Pulse Lakshmi. It takes a lot of courage to pave your own path and listen you yourself. I’m so glad you are here and can’t wait to read more of your stories!

LakshmiGunasekar
Mar 08
Mar 08

Thank you for saying that, sharing here is empowering, I cant wait to share more :)

Elizabeth Ziro
Mar 08
Mar 08

Determination knows no barrier. So happy for you, congratulations.

LakshmiGunasekar
Mar 08
Mar 08

Thank you sister.

Stella Paul
Mar 08
Mar 08

Dear Lakshmi
Age is just a number and wherever, around whichever bend you feel like taking a new path, is where your life begins - the life that belongs to you - completely. Having said this, there are many who live all their life, looking for that magic bend which never quite find it. But here you are - already having a grip over your life. Lovely!
Happy Women's Day and keep writing!
Stella

LakshmiGunasekar
Mar 10
Mar 10

Thank you Stella! I hope this girp over my life becomes a lifestyle and continues :)

Shirin Dalaki
Mar 08
Mar 08

Beautiful story, thank you for sharing. You have come a long way sister and I am so proud of you.

LakshmiGunasekar
Mar 10
Mar 10

Thank you :)

Shirin Dalaki
Mar 11
Mar 11

You welcome dear, keep on writing and we keep on celebrating you.

Manasa Ram Raj
Mar 09
Mar 09

Dear Lakshmi,

What a wonderful and inspiring piece this is! A year ago, I decided to leave my full-time job to pave my own path. It has been scary and challenging but I truly believe it is a journey one must take to find happiness in what you do!

Welcome to World Pulse. We hope to see more stories from your side!

LakshmiGunasekar
Mar 10
Mar 10

Good for you! :) thank you:)

Rahmana Karuna
Mar 10
Mar 10

Dearest Lakshmi
i first read your story of "stuff" and came over to your page, and now reading this.
i am 65 this month. and i have NEVER fit into mainstream.
it is not an easy life. but it is a sane life.
my father blocked his children from spiritual development, which i shake my fist at him in the sky from time to time. tho i also am grateful for all i did learn from him.
i keep forgetting my whole life long that men don't listen. and that most people don't really even understand what i am saying-AND THEY DO NOT SAY THEY DO NOT UNDERSTAND. they just smile and shake their heads. i am so glad i am not like that.
i have been told by very close friend i am a motivator. then ten years later she told me i am a catalyst=wherever i go things blow up.
once i recognized that i have somewhat controlled it.
as my sufi lineage quotes
"most people are controlled by their minds, few control their minds"
welcome to the world of controlling your own mind. not very many of us.
energy healing is the way to go.
i have trained with
alidabirch.com
floweringmountain.com
and followed on their websites or youtube
carolyn myss
Joe Dispenza-my favorite right now. Becoming Supernatural.

please do share some authors you are currently intrigued with.

LakshmiGunasekar
Mar 10
Mar 10

To becoming super natural! :)
Authors that intrigue me right now:
Inna Segal, Charles Eisenstein, Carl Jung.

Rahmana Karuna
Mar 10
Mar 10

oh i will have to look those up. but carl yung. his mentee wrote the book for women archetypes:
"In Jungian theory, archetypes are deep enduring patterns of thought and behavior that remain powerful over long periods of time, and transcend cultures.

"Having read Goddesses in Everywoman, the book by Jungian analyst Jean Shinoda Bolen which maps seven feminine archetypes, I have to agree. Bolen uses characters from ancient Greek mythology to explain the different types of women we see in the world.
Meet the seven goddesses:
Athena, goddess of wisdom.
Artemis, goddess of the hunt.
Hestia, goddess of the hearth.
Persephone, goddess of the underworld.
Demeter, goddess of grain and agriculture.
Hera, goddess of marriage.
Aphrodite, goddess of love."
http://www.artofwellbeing.com/2018/07/13/femininearchetypes/
ha, even tho they are based on the greek patriarchal god/des's, when i read Artemis, i read the story of my life!!!
i talked my graduate studies professor into using this book for her nursing theory class the following semester!!

LakshmiGunasekar
Mar 11
Mar 11

Bolen sounds amazing i am gonna check her out.

Rahmana Karuna
Mar 11
Mar 11

Thank you Lakshmi!!! i love the titles of Inna's books, though none are available at my library. I did just reserve: The more beautiful world our hearts know is possible: The Vision and Practice of Interbeing
Have a sweet day!!!

LakshmiGunasekar
Mar 11
Mar 11

You will love Charles!

2 more aurthors I forgot to mention and people you may appreciate: Judith Orloff
And Sue Monk kidd

I just started their books but i love it already. :)

Rahmana Karuna
Mar 11
Mar 11

i am headed to the library to pick up charle's.
inna's bio is kinda like Carolyn Myss maybe. Myss calls herself a medical intuitive. and together with a neuro doctor started an energy medicine college. i picked up a $200 audio set of her's for $10 at a yard sale!!! it saved me. there are 4, 45 minute guided meditations based on the elements of air water earth fire, and you visual and breath colors going here and there. Norm, the doc, was able to draw blood and do tests before and after these meditations, so each meditation is helpful for different specific illnesses. i figured i had adrenal fatigue. i spent hours daily on my massage table listening and practicing these meditations. The first audio series of hers went way over my head. when i listened every three months i was gradually able to understand more and more of what she was saying!!
https://www.myss.com/
oh and i see Sounds True is offering i believe the very same course. be careful with your wallet at soundstrue!!!! i am so glad they went from mailed paper catalogue to online. i just don't look anymore!! yet, the stuff they produce and i have purchased ($100s) was so very helpful along my path to sanity, serenity, loving kindness and compassion. my heart is so very open and full and clear and strong!!!!! here is a link to the course on sounds true site. just reading through it is illuminating. i bet you can find it for free or a lot less used.

https://www.soundstrue.com/store/science-medical-intuition-course?sq=1&g...

yes to those two authors. my shamanic mentor is now offerring online trainings. and i bet if you asked she would give you sliding scale down to zero cost? she has actually gotten calls from grandmothers on the Hopi reservation for consultations.
alidabirch.com

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