Freedom for women, 50% off, Clearance sale!

I used to smoke, inspired by the beautiful women in the American movies from the 60’s. It was a very cool thing to do in school, watch American films and be like them. The idea of smoking meant liberation; it meant that I was cool and independent woman. I was also doing it because boys were doing it. I was 16 back then, it also meant that I was deciding what I wanted to do with my life, I was making my own choice, a taste of freedom and as I grew up I understood that it was advertised that way. The advertisers/media called them ‘torches of freedom’ and sold to American women and I was one of the young girls that aspired to be like those women and started smoking.

Now, we all know that smoking does no good to us, and we understand it is hazardous to our health, at the same time we know that many young people fall for this trap the advertisers set for them.

What about the other things that the advertisers/companies sell to us; the things we buy at a super- market, the women’s shampoo, women’s soap? How good are they for us really? The clothes that we wear; who says that this looks good on you, and where does their notion of beauty come from? 
What about the fair and lovely cream that state that fair is beautiful? I’m a Tamilian, dark skinned woman; does that mean that I’m not beautiful? 
When we buy new things, things that we think we need, are we really making a choice? 

Close your eyes and imagine the modern Indian woman. What does she look like to you? 
Formal clothes, a little make up, riding the metro, working, laptop in her hand, English speaking? 
It’s great if this is not the only picture in your head. But, can she be a woman in the village laughing with her friends, weaving a basket, comfortably speaking the local language?
 Where does this image come from? Don’t advertisements ring a bell?

I believe the women liberation movements and other  movements like the civil rights movement or anti-corruption movements or even #BeingAModernIndianWoman was aimed at things like freedom for women, security, equality, oneness etc. I don’t think it was aimed at making us feel lonely.  

What I see happening is that the corporates have overused and abused words like freedom and beauty, playing with women’s insecurities to sell things that women don’t need.   None of these things ever brought freedom to them.  Every product was and is aimed at filling a void that cannot be filled with material goods; desires like beauty, joy and pleasure cannot be fulfilled by material things, these are things that have to be found within, in other people and in nature. The materials that we keep buying every day are not just defeating the purpose but taking us in the other direction; towards a lonely planet. The more material things we gather, more isolated and lonelier we become.

Isn’t it true? Have you ever felt absolutely lonely in a room full of people?  When do you feel most happy? When you are having a good time with your friends and family or when you are with your gadgets (that the corporates sold to you)?  

What about Education that we try to give to every girl child in order to free her from the society’s evils? It is putting her in a school that tells that her that her family is backward, that she will end up like her parents if she doesn’t study hard, and that she will get a good life only in the city. Is this what education was supposed to give us?

I have felt absolutely lonely sitting in a room full of people, I realized that the more clothes, shoes, and gadgets I bought the lonelier I felt. Meanwhile, I know I felt content when I spent time with my friends in exotic secret hangouts like the lake or a broken bridge on top of the sea.  As I grew up, I started questioning these things for myself, I decided that I didn’t want to get stuck in the circle of buying what the corporates asked me to. I wanted to take charge of my own life. So, I walked out of the formal education system and started making my own path. I wanted to work with child sexual abuse, so I designed my learning, traveled and visited different organizations that work along these lines. 

In the beginning it was very difficult for people around me to understand, because I had scored well in my final exams so I could have easily gotten into any college that I wanted to. They kept assuming that if I don’t go to university and get a degree it means that I have to get married and have kids like everyone else. It was either this or that. My mom asked me if she should search for a guy to marry me. My relatives decided that I’ve gone crazy and they would talk to me like they are talking to a mad person. I was a misfit in the mainstream.

There was this one point when I was working with sexuality and sexual health and I requested my friends to come attend my workshop and give me feedback so I can develop it further. Some of my male friends were not ready to be a part of it, some of them really avoided looking at me for days together because they were not ready to come to my workshop. It was also the time I was in love with a lot of handmade, earthy jewelry, so everyone saw me as a crazy gypsy woman, who liked talking about sex. 

When I was working with an anti-corruption organization, people called me a strong young woman who is set out to do something different. Then, I was offered to talk about my experience in TEDx, my friends then concluded that I must have done something interesting and that I’m being recognized for it.

Funny, how many labels we as a society give to an individual, especially when she is a woman. 
With time I started noticing many more labels everywhere I went and in everything that I did, not just from the people around me but also from myself. I was constantly judging myself in everything that I did and said. 
And I thought I had freedom as soon as I decided not to go to college or give exams, and took on the self-designed learning path. I thought I was free and no one would question what I was doing. I did not have to carry labels. But I saw that they followed me everywhere. And I kept contrasting my notion of freedom. I’m still dealing with a few questions like:

What is freedom?
Is freedom absolute or relative? 
Or is it just definition that we give words to? 
Is it the comfort that the corporates and advertisers promise equal to freedom?
Can we buy freedom? 
There are so many other women that suffer with much bigger, severe problems than I face, so should I work on theirs first and not take care of myself?

Some of these I have already acted upon and the rest are just questions that I keep at the back of my mind.

Today, I am very excited to be sharing these questions with a large community of women (and men) to ponder upon them together and I believe that the answers and the necessary steps will manifest.

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This article is part of the #BeingaModernIndianWoman archive, which is being launched on 15th August, 2014, on Indian Independence Day. This storytelling initiative celebrates womanhood and freedom of (responsible) expression, and it’s a stepping stone to further economic opportunities for women in India.