WHY DOMESTIC VIOLENCE?

Latoria
Posted June 9, 2019 from Nigeria

In my previous post, we saw that domestic violence is not accidental. It doesn't happen due to anger because if it does, everybody would be violent. Why? Everybody gets angry. However, domestic violence is intentional. It happens due to the belief systems of the abuser. They believe they are entitled and have the rights to do whatever they want to do on the victims; they think it is the only way of getting what they want and also, they might have witnessed it while growing up. All these contribute to domestic violence.

An abuser is known for some characteristics which range from keeping track of what you do and criticises you for little things; easily hurt and blames the victim for their problems and feelings; excessively jealous, prevents or doesn't allow you to go out or gets mad when they see you with the opposite sex; cuts you off from some social activities to using violent force during arguments and threatening words. They can be manipulative as well by saying, 'you make me mad; you hurt me by not doing what I say; if you love me, you'd do this...'. These can also be the characteristics of a psychological abuser who preys on the victim's emotions and weaknesses. However, it characterises all forms of abuse! An abuser is quick to slapping, pushing or hitting their victim when they are mad. Every of these characteristics might not characterise the abuser you know or something, however, if you see few of these traits, you should be very careful.

Domestic violence doesn't emerge if there are no gender roles magnifying aggression, violence and dominance. These gender roles define a man and if he doesn't fit into the three characteristics above, he is not a man. For example, the woman might say something contrary to what the man said or something which might make him angry not because what she said really is worth his anger but because maybe, her ideas are good and feasible and going by hers might make him less domineering, hence, he becomes violent. I mean why would a woman make decisions for him or the house? Defining a man based on gender roles is a social factor which contributes to domestic violence.

The effects of peer pressure on men can't be overemphasised. Men who beat their wives some times are influenced by their peers. They feel the urge to conform to a particular definition of masculinity in the society. Like earlier said, it is defined by aggression, violence and dominance. They feel the need to be a man just because they are the odd ones among their peers. Hence, they conform to the definition of a man in the society.

The use of alcoholic drinks or narcotics has been traced to expressing violence because it contains THC which makes you view the world differently. It could make you violent and an abuser at home. If you have family crises, taking alcohol doesn't relieve you off the problem but worsen it, especially when you know your woman is always nagging or not understanding due to gender roles placed on her.

The media these days portrays how we should live our lives as individuals, couples and families. The media glorifies women as sex objects and pornographic materials portray violence in sex. It shows women as the only ones who benefit from sexual intercourse like the men are just doing them a favour. Really? Why is that? Does it not take two people to have sex? This really is wrong! It shouldn't be.

These social factors cause domestic violence at home and its effects on the victims range from death, sustaining injury to mental health problems like depression. Also, children end up being violent as seen in our previous post; they grow up having no respect for anyone not even the opposite sex and they have trouble forming positive relationships.

Having known the causes and effects of domestic violence, it is best you end it by respecting one another; knowing that marriage involves two people who live together, hence, they need to hear each other, share and agree together.

Violence is not the best way to get what you want. It only hurts your partner and your children as well. Be rid domestic violence! Give the children a happy future to look forward to.

Comments 3

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Lisbeth
Jun 09
Jun 09

Well said dear. That is what makes them abusers. Its sad though when someone becomes a victim of them. Do you work with women and children? I can see you are so passionate about this groups. Keep it up.

Hello, Latoria,

Wow, this is a marathon of posts. Thank you for sharing on domestic violence. Sadly, media contributed to the idea that women can be sex objects and submissive to their men. This wrong image on women needs to stop. It’s not just in movies but also on internet. Sigh.

Jill Langhus
Jun 10
Jun 10

Hi Latoria,

I agree with you, Lisbeth and Karen. This abusive pattern and cycle needs to end. And, yes, you do seem really passionate about gender based violence and stereotypes. Do you have an NGO or job that addresses these harmful practices?