Emotional or psychological abuse is any nonphysical behavior or attitude that is designed to control, subdue, punish, or isolate another person through the use of humiliation, threat or fear. It, in most cases precedes domestic violence which is an intentional act in order to show aggression, dominance or violence using bodily contact. Also, emotional abuse happens when the men are not 'man enough' because there are some expectations they must meet and if they don't, the women would psychologically abuse them in words and threats. They remind the men how they married them, how special they are and how much of an egg they are, hence, the men should be able to provide all of their needs and the likes, else, they leave! What a threat!
If you've read the book, The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fvck by Mark Manson, you would understand how nobody is special. I don't know if being special is equal to being a burden or being the recipient while you drain the other party in all areas. I would really love to talk to girls and women today.
I am not saying the man should be lazy and not provide for his family. No! I am not saying that. The man should provide. However, if before and after he provides, he is being threatened and blamed for everything that is happening to the woman and children, then, it is abusive. In this case, it is obvious that the man's efforts to provide are abortive not that he just sits at home and wait for manna to fall from heaven to feed his family. If he goes out there and tries and his woman can't acknowledge all he does but threatens him, it is abusive!
This is where the woman should help the man. The social structure of the 21st century is different from that of the 13th or 16th century where women are just confined to the other room and kitchen just to help the men. More is expected of the woman these days which is as a result of social structure today. There are many things happening in our world which require more expenses if you want to live comfortably. But if you are fine with your children not going to school, just eating whatever that comes and the likes, you can decide to focus on being the wife of the house. When I mean go to school, I mean now, quality education is becoming more of a privilege than a right and I am sure you know what it means to be a privilege.
One thing about us is that we sometimes don't see the end from the beginning. We think things would continue to be all rosy and fine as it is now that it's just the two of us or now that we're living in our parents' houses with no bills to pay and the likes. Even if your man would be Dangote, it is to the family's advantage if you have at least a source of income. I am not saying every woman should be a cooperate worker. No! My emphasis lies on women having something to do to support their men.
How on earth are you special as a woman? Because of your biological differences? Are men not special too because of their biological differences? Whatever happens to that huge body size you admire which runs a cold chill down your spine? Whatever happens to his baritone voice? Don't get me wrong! I am not saying you shouldn't be appreciated for being a woman! My question is, should the woman be the only human to be appreciated? When we say women are special, does that mean men are not? Before you could carry that pregnancy, a sperm out of many sperms which were released by the man fertilised the ovum, yes? Or did you just become pregnant? Plus, he also provides whatever you need to take care of yourself and the baby? So, how does this make you special as a woman?
Nobody should get me wrong. The moment we understand that it takes the two persons in a relationship to do something, then, we are not just being responsible but reasonable. Like I said in one of my previous posts, it takes two people to have sex and when women are seen as sex objects, then, there is something wrong with us and the society. Why should it be painted like the men are doing the women a favour for having sex with them? We say, the man owns the woman and her body! Yes, you are very correct! It's also the same for the woman. She owns the man and his body. It's a relationship and should be damn mutual.
The moment we start respecting each other, the less violent our relationship would be, psychologically and physically. The moment we start seeing each other as equals in terms of gender and roles while using our biological differences to our advantage, the better the home becomes. It is your duty as a woman to help your man in all areas of his life! Someone was telling me that if the man is not helping her to become better, she would opt out. Very good! One of the reasons you are in a relationship is to get better. My question was, is she doing the same? Is she just draining him in all areas? This thing should be damn mutual!!!! However, when we see a relationship as a one-way thing, the other party suffers because they are under pressure to meet the needs of the other while they neglect theirs. This causes psychological violence.
Someone, two days ago said the rate of divorce is high in the society because women are earning too. How on earth could that be? Isn't that a myth? One of the major causes of divorce today is infidelity (cheating on an intimate partner) which the men feel they are entitled to. My cousin was telling me that men are allowed to cheat while women are not. How ridiculous! Why would men think they are entitled to cheating? Is it inherent? Isn't it cultural? Adultery is still one of the most cited reasons for divorce. According to a study published by the National Institutes of Health, one partner in 88 percent of couples studied cited infidelity as a major contributing factor. Interestingly though, the vast majority of couples who divorced only had one partner share infidelity as a major issue. If it were genetic for women to cheat, women wouldn't cheat as the experts at Divorce Magazine note that about 45-50 percent of married women and 50-60 percent of married men cheat on their spouses. Isn't this cultural? Isn't it high time we started restructuring gender roles?
These roles and beliefs prompt the women to abuse their men emotionally even if all they do is sit and watch the TV all day. They verbally abuse them and some women even prompt them to do what they don't want to do! How detrimental could that get?