WHAT'S WITH THE PRESSURE TO GET MARRIED?

Latoria
Posted August 23, 2019 from Nigeria

I guess I went out with the devil that night. Come to think of it, I am just a 20-year old whose education happens to be faster than the speed of light. But really, that’s not the point. The way he stared at me is not the point either. The point is, the words he said to me!!

Nenye is my name. I love Nenye but the full name is Chinenye. I am 5’7 tall. I’m not bony or skinny neither am I fat. I just happen to have my fat in the right places. Dark in complexion with dark long hair to match my skin colour. I bet your breath would freeze when you steal a glance of me. You think that’s hyperbole or exaggeration? This is reality because beautiful, when used on me is an understatement. Well, they say I am gorgeous! So, let’s leave it gorgeous. But really, all these information are not necessary. They are not needed.

That night, I was on my baggy sweatshirt which was revealing my knees and legs. I wanted to get food. It was late, so, I thought getting plantain and fried eggs was the best for the night, hence, I went to this open kitchen in school. They are known for quality and that exactly is why I patronise them irrespective of the price. However, that night, the devil was with me. Gosh!

I already placed my order when I thought of getting chicken just because the sight of the roasted chicken was irresistible. While going to change my order, the man in charge of it called me. I was surprised! Well, he was familiar. Yes, I see him around and we exchange pleasantries. That didn’t change there though. In fact, I was excited even when my stomach was the opposite.

After exchanging pleasantries, he looked at me and jokingly cracked an offensive joke. I didn’t take it as an offence. I just smiled and was about returning to where I was seated after placing my first order when he repeated the joke but that time with a devilish grin.

‘Would you stop that, sir?’, I showed no emotions.

‘You are a girl oh. Is it when wrinkles start appearing on your face or when you become old and ugly that you’d think of getting married? Then, no man would come for you again oh’, he spilled.

My gawd! I was offended but I didn’t utter any word.

‘You know, go get a boyfriend. You can’t come to this school and score 5-0. No! After 5 years, Nenye, I pity you’, he brought his mouth closer to mine.

How disgusting! He wanted to kiss me or what? I quickly used my left hand to hold his jaw which brought his mouth to an halt. Then, he was embarrassed!

‘Don’t you ever try that again. Never again!’, I walked away. I left the place.

That was bullshit, yes? What is someone else’s business with my life? I mean I didn’t even know he was keeping record of my life. That is pathetic. I should go get married because I am in my final year? I should go get married because I am a female who would what exactly? I don’t get this but to be candid, what is with the pressure of getting married early? What is with the pressure? What on earth is your business or headache with my life? I am a female, so? What if I don’t want to get married? You’d kill me?

I am not encouraging nobody to remain or die single. No! You marry because you want to not because you are pressured and the likes. It’s absurd and doesn’t make sense. What’s with the pressure of getting married or having a man in one’s life as a woman when you don’t want to or see it as the right time?

Comments 12

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Tamarack Verrall
Aug 23
Aug 23

Hi Latoria,
Ooohh you have pulled out to examine one of the rules/laws/customs that insist that every woman must get married, or face the attitudes toward single women. And to throw at her that old women are scorned for having wrinkles and being single. This is such an old and replayed story. Breaking the rule/social norm deciding not to be married as a woman is still seen as a threat. We might get too wild, we might get a paid job, we might be free to speak out. Thanks for raising this. Breaking the rules is what will free us.

Hawwah
Aug 23
Aug 23

Deciding when and wether you wish to get married or not is long overdue.
Never let anyone bully or intimidate you into marriage.
Marriage at the right time, with the right person is good.
Never settle for less.
Kudos on your bravery and courage.
Do not let society steal your life the way it stole ours.
Its the only one you have got, hold on to it.

Sumera Reshi
Aug 23
Aug 23

Dear Latoria,
Thanks for sharing this piece. I empathize with you. Often this has happened to me as well. I don't understand why people are interested in others lives. To stay single or to get married is a personal thing and people put their leg into others affairs. I am single and often in my office people ask me the same question. They don't understand the world is more than marriage, life is beautiful even without a man in your life. I have stopped to listen to the bullshit, so should you.

Regards,
Sumera

Tumanjong Miranda
Aug 24
Aug 24

My dear,
I feel you 100%.
It's so annoying that people think a woman's life is only complete with a man. Our lives as women is not revolved around men. It's high time people realised that we have our own minds and potential.
Don't let anyone pressure you into something you don't want. Take your time and attain your full potential. You owe that to yourself.
Courage dear!!

Jill Langhus
Aug 24
Aug 24

Hi Latoria,

Thanks for sharing Nenye's story, which seems to be the story for a lot of women, unfortunately. I'm really not sure why some men think it's acceptable to be offensive and disrespectful to women, and I'm also not sure why people think it's their business whether you're married or not. That's entirely up to you!

Hope you're doing well and having a great weekend!

sama
Aug 24
Aug 24

I waited to get married until I was 44 years old, after finishing college and developing my career. These antiquated attitudes about women needing to get married will only change with time as we stand up to and educate those that would push their opinions on us that are based on their own fears of change.
Thanks for sharing this story as an example of this evolution taking place, one offensive jaw stopped with a confident feminine hand at a time.

Lisbeth
Aug 24
Aug 24

Hmm don't hit your 30 ties and still be single. It's war for you, how sad. And the women are now the engineers themselves.

Oluwatoyin Olabisi
Aug 25
Aug 25

My cousin got pressured to get married at 37 with 3 children she feels worthless and is strategically planning how to leave the marriage.No one should be pressured into getting married because at the end it is only you who face the music.

Reny
Aug 25
Aug 25

My dear Latoria, thanks for speaking up.
The pressure is real everywhere.
But I think women have to pay less attention to it.
When women begin to focus more on what makes then truly happy (be it career, kids, business or marriage) the external pressure will reduce.
I also think that, Culture is one of the reasons why most women are pressured to get married. In most parts of Africa, once a woman clocks 25, suddely the world around her thinks she's supposed to be married with kids. And if you aren't married at that age, they say it's because you have a bad character that's why.
It's such a pity. But women must continue to thrive above that pressure.

Tarke Edith
Aug 25
Aug 25

Hello Latoria
Thank God you stood your ground ti

Mbabazi
Aug 25
Aug 25

Young Sister Latoria,
I love your story! I have faced the same issue until today! In my culture, girls gets into marriage at 18 years old! Today, i am 30! I think you can imagine how many times i have been asked that question; "When are you getting married?"......more than thousand times by hundreds of people! I could attend my cousins weeding and everyone at the party would be at my neck......by my answer is always polite;" I am waiting for the right person and the right time....no hurry!" as simple as that.
Singleness is so sweet after all!
You are still young my sister, fight harder to reach your goals.
Blessings,

Mbabazi

Adanna
Aug 26
Aug 26

Dear Latoria,

Nice one! I enjoyed reading your post.

As a woman, you've to be strong or else you might be depressed with the "rules" the society sets for women.

Run at your own pace.

Love,
Adanna