Are Men Naturally Promiscuous?

I once asked one of my cousins why he cheats and he said, 'Men are naturally promiscuous. So, because I'm cheating doesn't mean I don't love my fiancee. However, a woman...' Let's take a break and when we're back, we'd see his concluding response.

On Thursday this week, on my way to class with three of my classmates, our discussion was around men and one of them said it's believed that men naturally are promiscuous. That got my attention and prompted me to ask if men are naturally promiscuous.

During my research on this, I got so many affirmative responses from both women and men. A lady was like, 'African men have it automatically inclined in their genetic coding. The code must express itself no matter what. They are genetically wired to cheat. They must be promiscuous whether they like it or not'. From her response, I could deduce that perhaps, the men in her lives had one way or the other cheated on her. Hence, her bitterness because all that was obvious in her response was bitterness.

Furthermore, some men responded in the affirmative. And my next question was how are they naturally promiscuous? What exactly is so biological about their makeup that makes them cheat? Funny how someone said they are moved by what they see. How interesting! If that's why men are naturally promiscuous, then, I believe that's why women are 'naturally' promiscuous as well. You don't know? There are promiscuous women as there are promiscuous men. Therefore, not all men and women are promiscuous. That is, not all human beings are promiscuous.

Welcome back! I hope you enjoyed the commercial break. Back to my cousin, he continued, '...women cannot be promiscuous because they are emotional. When they love a man, they focus on the man because they are meant to love one at a time...'. What exactly was he saying? Last night, a friend shared with me how his ex-girlfriend was dating him, her ex-boyfriend at that time and still having sex with her lecturer! Wow! What level of infidelity! Such a promiscuous lady! Where did she get that from since men are the ones who are naturally promiscuous?

My cousin concluded, '...A man can still love you and still cheat but a woman cannot do that. If she's cheating, that means she is in love with that man not you'. How ridiculous! Are you saying my friend's ex-girlfriend was not in love with him but her ex-boyfriend at that time they were dating or with her lecturer? How puzzling!

So many people take the loyalty of their spouses or partners for granted. Hence, they rest under the detrimental stereotype that men are naturally born promiscuous to make them do whatever they want to do or justify their actions! If your partner is not doing very well in an area, it's yours to correct them. Help them improve. Don't because of a shortcoming have an affair. It's not just right! If men are naturally born promiscuous, then women are not an exception! I mean both of them are born promiscuous then. However, that's not the case.

Men, overtime were the hunters and were quite domineering. They were polygamous because they felt they had the wherewithal to take care of the women who had nothing but love and care for them. Hence, their ego. They could do whatever they wanted to do due to the gender roles of that time. We were only used to polygamy in this part of the world because that's what we think exists. Polygamy or monogamy. And if not monogamy, infidelity. We have forgotten that polyandry, a woman getting married to multiple husbands exists as well. However, that was scarce because women at that time were not giving equal opportunities as men and they were meant for the farm, kitchen and the bedroom. Hence, a man can use money, his wealth and the likes to entice them because that is what they live for. Marry and you'd be fine. If he can provide your meals three times in a day, buy you clothes and the likes, marry him because that's how it is. Therefore, over time, women were said to be faithful. And if there is a woman who is unfaithful, she is tagged names and dealt with mercilessly. But what happens to the man? He's allowed to go away with it. In fact, the woman is told to accept him because that's her cross or her cup of tea. What a level of dependency! That is, it's their cup of tea because if they leave the man, they would lose at the end since they don't have the wherewithal to take care of themselves. Hence, it's their cross!

It was like that for many years until some women fought for equal rights and opportunities for both sexes here in Nigeria. And that is the beginning of liberation for women and girls and the beginning of change in gender roles. Women started gaining financial freedom. They seem not to be completely dependent on their partners for everything and that begins to put the men in check. The women too started going after men since they have the wherewithal or still have the boldness or guts to have an affair due to change in gender roles. And now, what a woman couldn't do a century ago, she's doing it! Are you saying they were not aware that they can be naturally promiscuous at that time?

At that time, women were not aware of their sexualities. They were taught sexual purity and financial dependency. They were told to be passive and submissive while the men were aware of their sexualities at a very young age. They were taught financial independence. They were told to be active and domineering. However, these roles which formed detrimental stereotypes are changing. Women are now becoming financially independent as well. They can walk up to a man and express themselves to them. They now pay for having sex with men also. So, are you still saying men are naturally promiscuous?

Nobody is born promiscuous. Men overtime learnt to be promiscuous and that's as a result of gender. It's cultural. It changes and now, it's changing because women too are now promiscuous. Women are also attracted and driven by what they see if that's your reason why men are naturally promiscuous. In respect to another friend's response, he said, 'No, they are not naturally promiscuous. They are mostly a product of the mind which is a by product of their environment'. Hence, it's not biological or natural to cheat. It's as a result of gender-- the societal, cultural beliefs and norms expected of males and females.

I'd conclude with someone else's negative response to the question. He said, 'No, men are not NATURALLY promiscuous. We just assume that women can not question our authority especially when we are financially independent and the women depend on us for their needs. Have you realised that men without money many times are very loyal? So you can control your partner by being informed, educated and financially independent. Even if your man feels like doing it, your status would scare the shit out of him'. This leads to my next blog post, can men marry women who are richer than they are?

Thank you for following.