Posted September 20, 2019 from Nigeria

I could hear thick and thin voices dancing at the gate of my hall that night. Well, it wasn't my business. Perhaps, it was one of the Students' Union's dramas because before that day, they've been going from one hall to the other trying to drive home a point or the other. Why should I have thought that was an exception? I paid little attention to that as I dressed up to get dinner, bread outside my hall.

While walking from the gate, I heard different voices screaming the same feeling, enthusiasm. I was perplexed. What was the problem? Why were they happy? I later overheard someone appreciating Professor Adewole, the Vice Chancellor at that time for the two-weeks break. Then, I understood the reason both sexes were happy.

I was about to cross when one of them screamed my name. Really?! Even in the dark, someone could recognise me? That was surprising because I was a bloody freshman at that time. Trust you know what's with freshmen. I was naive. My question is, do you think that's why stale students take advantage of them?

However, one thing that was helpful to me was my dad's stories about life issues. Most nights, after dinner, my siblings and I would sit and listen to my dad's stories which addressed assertiveness, marriage, relationships, academic excellence, spiritual growth and a whole lot of things. It's sad that we are not what we were but those memories wouldn't leave me. Never!

So, that night, I met Tunde, a fresh stale student. He was in 200 level. We got talking and yes, I forgot that I wanted to buy bread. It was surprising how we took another route leading to his room. When I got to his hall, I was fed with a dozen loaves of surprises. Like seriously, how did we get there? Before I knew it, he talked me to his room. And that was the first time I'd see demarcations of bed spaces with curtains. That was not my concern. It seemed good to me though.

Please, note, I just met that dude for the first time. He offered me his mattress which I comfortably sat on. And then, he offered me a drink in an insceticide-like bottle. Even if I was dumb as a freshman, I wasn't dumb to 'smell' alcohol. And there, I started feeling uncomfortable because I knew there was fire on the mountain. Hilarious but really, why would he offer me alcohol if not to impair my judgement?

For five years now, I have heard stories of how freshmen were made to have sex without giving consent. In fact, some of them can't even give consent because they are not up to 18, yet, these people still take advantage of them. Three nights ago, one of my roommate's friend and course mate came to the room to read against the exam they had the next day. Funny how they were discussing around boys and men and there, my roommate's friend shared her experience as a freshman.

She was in 100 level when she was made to sleep over in a boy's room in one of the male halls of residence. Trust me, she couldn't sleep that night as the guy was coming for her. She told me how she slept naked and how the guy almost convinced her to gift him her virginity because that day was his birthday. You can't believe that? Oh, it's not new? Her saviour was that the boy's sex organ was too big for her tight sex organ.

It's funny how these stale students help the fresh students with their registration and all of those things to the end of having sex with them. And you know, when they are helped, they feel they are indebted to them and the likes. And being naive, they give in to them because they feel special thinking the boys in question love them. That sounds somewhat hilarious. This reminds me of a story one of my roommates shared with me. She found a 100-level student crying in the bathroom. Why? Just because the boy she gave her virginity to broke up with her. She smashed her phone on the wall and cried her heart out, 'how could he say he doesn't love me again? And I gave him my virginity!', she rolled on the bathroom's floor. Yuck? But she didn't mind rolling on a public floor.

From her point, I knew nothing pained her more than her virginity and I was like, how could you be that gullible to have believed you would get married to him? I mean even if he was giving you the attention, gifts and promising you heaven and paradise, you should use your head. I know it's not easy to use your head due to inexperience or lack of exposure but it's important as human beings not to be so gullible or swayed by our emotions. It can be hard to quit when you like them so much and you feel turning down their request would hurt them. Sweetheart, what about you? Just because you don't want to hurt someone, you end up hurting yourself? I mean after the sex, what next? He might break up with you, he might not call you, he might not pick up your calls or he might start giving you attitude and the likes.

Note, I'm not saying having sex with someone makes you worthless. Never! I don't preach that. You are not defined by a hymen. No! You are worthy because that's what you are. However, some individuals attach a lot of worth to their hymen which must be respected by anybody. It's their belief, values and you shouldn't in any way bend their values. I mean is it hard to respect people and their values?

Back to my story, that night, Tunde was so bent on having sex with me. At a point, he was like 'I won't go deep. Just allow me...'. He was stronger, you know! He tried caressing and the likes. That night, I knew the devil was with me. Crazy, but it was tough. After a long time, he gave up. I thought that was all. But you know what? Dude still came back for me days later! He came to my room in my hall of residence...

Let's save the story for another time. To freshmen, it's okay to love. I mean love is a beautiful thing but don't give anything you wouldn't give against your will to make another person happy. Don't hurt yourself to make someone else happy. If you don't want to give whatever you hold in self esteem out, don't! If there's pressure, leave them be. It might hurt but it won't be as deep as hurting yourself and nursing the wounds and scars all the rest of your life. Don't you ever make someone else happy at the expense of your own happiness. Just like Firstbank, you first. You matter.

Thank you for following. 

Comments 4

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Hannah B
Sep 20
Sep 20

Hi Tunde,
Thanks for sharing your story! You addressed a lot of issues that young women face and have to navigate, often in university or when they are first living on their own.
It sounds like there are similar situations in Nigeria as in other countries - I would love to hear more of your thoughts!
Kind regards,

Sep 20
Sep 20

Hello Tunde,
I hope you are doing very great? And how is Nigeria laterly? Honestly, I noticed you are a hard-working student as you are able to combine studies along side your wonderful and intensive posts here. Bravo and keep it up.
Hope you have a great day.

Jill Langhus
Sep 21
Sep 21

Hi Latoria,

Thanks for sharing another thought-provoking post. I agree that we shouldn't push ourselves to do things that we aren't comfortable with to please others. I wonder how many women do this on a daily basis, out of habit. Unfortunately, I think I still do this. It's ingrained in so many cultures and will take a long time to relearn and re-educate.

Hope you're having a great weekend.

Tarke Edith
Sep 24
Sep 24

Hello Latoria
Thanks for sharing your University experience with us . you also mentioned alot of issue face by the students . well it will be okay at the end dear.