Posted September 29, 2019 from Nigeria

On Wednesday night, after a long day, I met my roommate and her friend discussing randomly in the room. I crashed into my bed because I was damn tired. I just wanted to sleep but I couldn't due to their discussion. They talked about a lot of things until they got to a point where they involved me. At that point, they were discussing men!

Funny how my roommate involved me. I mean her friend was talking about one of her friends who is well-to-do but single and searching. There, two of my roommates just pointed at me. I laughed because they've been trying to hook me up with men lately. Well, that's not the topic of discussion.

My roommate's friend, after seeing my reaction, continued with the guy's description, '...I could hook you up but he doesn't want a lady who is  ambitious. He doesn't want his woman to go for her postgraduate studies...'

'What?!', I was infuriated. 'Why? What does he expect of the woman then?'.

'He doesn't want a woman who is all successful', she started. 'He doesn't like such because they'd make him feel less a man. And I always tell him to start thinking right...'.

How many men out there think like this? There are a lot, I know. While asking people if they could marry a lady richer than they are, I got a lot of responses but I'd share just few. Someone said, 'No, I can't. Most of them are not submissive. Even the broke ones are just obedient not submissive. When a woman is so rich she becomes pompous to her husband. Whenever she wants to do something, she does it without her husband's consent because she can afford whatever she wants. But those broke ones are only obedient because they need the financial support from their husbands, so there’s a constraint that make them obey.'

I was embraced with surprises. Ridiculous! I dunno how people think. Do they want a wife or a slave? Are men looking for a partner or an inferior mate who would have sex with them, cook for them and deliver of children to them? What's with men and submission? Is being submissive equivalent to being dependent? I mean everytime I want to get something, I ask you for money? Really? I believe when a man screams for submission, he hasn't or doesn't love his woman! I'd plead with him to love her first!

I've heard a lot of stories of how rich women feign poverty just to get husbands and I'm always like, 'Damn this patriarchal society! Why can't a woman be rich? Why can't a woman live happily even as a rich woman?'. And there something in my head always gives me the answer, 'Gender roles and detrimental stereotypes are the reasons'. But then, who came up with them?

It's sad how women are treated like second class citizens or lower animals. And this treatment gives the women a sense of dependency and always seeking men who's got the riches or wealth. This in return has put men on pressure to making money! I'm sure you know the outcomes of the pressure on them.

The moment a man sees his woman as a competitor, he has missed it. There's nothing a competitor would do that would make you satisfied because you feel they are there to be rid you or make you attract less sales or whatever it is. Same thing applies in marriage! Why are you offended because your wife earns more than you do? Is her earnings not for the happiness of the family not excluding you?

It's obvious that money can't solve everything in life. However, money is crucial for everything in life. Money is very important and necessary. This is why I see men feeling angry whenever they don't have enough to give their children or women! They are just unnecessarily boiling. However, the case would be different if both sexes are earning or in this context, the woman earns more to support the home. In addition to the woman's earnings, the family can live above the poverty level of the country.

Are men not pompous when they are rich? Well, someone would say, men naturally are proud beings! Who says that? What happens to a poor man? Does he not suddenly become humble? Dude's meal is humility. Just because he's poor and his life depends on people, he tends to be all nice and humble. But the moment he hits the jackpot, he puts on another garment called pride, the 'I am the man of the house' type. Has he not always been the man of the house? What happened now?

We don't know how gender roles and stereotypes have shaped us to believing a lot of things and it's sad. Human beings have ego! All of them. The level at which this pride is expressed varies and the expression is based on the amount of treasures and money an individual can boast of. Hence, when a woman has money, you see her expressing a level of ego. What happened now? But she wasn't always like that!

From the early man, women were made to be dependent on their men for everything not excluding what they need as we see in the hunter bringing home his game for himself, wife and children, maybe. Hence, the belief that men have ego and women do not. The gender role of that time brings out the pride of the men because it's in their favour. However, now that women also have the money, she's seen as proud and haughty. Proud because they are not easily swayed by your possessions; object to some of your points and have enough money to spend! Isn't it high time you started thinking aright??

Am I saying pride is the new cool? No, I'm not. All I just want you to know is that pride is in everyone. It takes everyone something to bring out that pride in them. However, it can be controlled. Men control their pride. Women also do! It depends on the relationship. We can't object the fact that everyone is proud. It can just become recessive when they have nothing to bring it out in them or dominant when they have something to bring it out in them including stereotypes that men should be treated as gods even when they don't have!

Can you marry someone richer than you are? A friend responded, 'Yes, I can. If you can marry someone who isn't as rich as you are, why not richer? In the end, someone still annulled her marriage with Bezos. This should teach humility and also that in this life, money isn't everything, but try get it. Over 38billion dollars on settlement'.

I believe we all know the story. 'Oops. Why did she seek divorce? That was one of the richest men in the world! Damn, what else does she want?', someone is thinking. It's funny how we think a woman is meant to stay true to a relationship that's not working just because of the money. I mean, dearest, this role is changing. It's not all about the money now because women are also making this money. You can't be controlling and say that's how men do! Perhaps, you are so in the 17th century.

Someone else's response goes thus, 'Isn't that the dream? I'm not a gold digger. I don't see any reason why she can't be richer than me. At the end of the day, we gonna end up spending, saving or investing it together. All the ladies I've been involved with were richer than me at every point'.

And I bet there was respect for each other at every point. I bet there was no drama like, 'don't you think I am the head of this relationship' and the likes. To be sincere, I don't understand the drama behind the I-can't-mary-a-woman-richer-than-I-am because I've seen homes where the women are richer and yet, the families are doing very well. There is respect for each other as couples because everyone deserves respect and is respected. It's a relationship, a partnership. The other one is your partner not your slave, hence, know how you relate with them! It's a relationship where resources are being pooled together and roles are redefined as couples. Whatever was passed down to us is no longer in our favour because women these days don't have any business doing at home except if they work from home. Whatever is done by both partners is to the end of increasing the standard of living of the family contributing positively to the GDP of the country.

What do you think? Can you marry someone richer than you are? Thanks for following.

Comments 5

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Sep 29
Sep 29

Dear Latoria,
Another wonderful post from you. You are such a good narrator ha. Thanks for sharing, honestly it's my first time to learn about this rising but disturbing issue.
So you mean is true that men refuse to marry rich women haha.
I hope you are doing very great. Have a great weekend.

Sep 29
Sep 29

Hi Latoria,

In my opinion... whether you marry rich or not what is important is you work out together your relationship. You respect each other and dream together. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Jill Langhus
Sep 30
Sep 30

Hi Latoria,

Thanks for bringing up another thought-provoking topic. I personally don't think it's a matter of pride. It is a matter of integrity and ego, though, or can be. People need to learn to handle money respectfully, and each other respectfully. There's absolutely no reason why a man or woman couldn't or shouldn't be wealthier than the other in a relationship. It's how it's handled. Women, or men, should never feel subservient due to not contributing financially, or to the same amount that the other is bringing in. Our worth shouldn't be determined by how much we make.

Hope you have a good week.

Anita Shrestha
Oct 28
Oct 28

Dear sister
Really intresting and funny types of article. It happens generally in our society too. In our society also men refused to marry of higher education, richer and higher class due to fare of his inferior.

Beth Lacey
Nov 11
Nov 11

This issue is rooted in the culture- will take a long time to change