Posted November 2, 2019 from Nigeria

Three nights ago, I was in one of my friend's room discussing with my friend and her rommates. We talked about a lot of things after dinner. While discussing, one of her roommates called our attention to a story on Instagram. It reads, Girlfriend Shuts Down Her Boyfriend for not Putting her on the Same Level with His Mum. The boyfriend complained about how his girlfriend was comparing herself to his mum. Unbelievable! Why would she? Well, she is his girlfriend not some maid, so, she deserves same treatment? Allow me share the story with you.

Girlfriend asked her boyfriend for money but he said he didn't have such money. He screenshot his bank balance and sent it to her but the girlfriend seemed not to believe it. She drew his attention to the one hundred thousand naira he sent to his mother the previous week. I bet the dude was dumbfounded and was defensive. She reminded him of the same amount he sent to his mum the previous month too; how she spent most of her weekends in his place; did the chores and cooked his food for the following weeks during the weekends and how 'he fucked him to his satisfaction'. She later concluded that she is his mum too and she deserved all the financial care he showered his mum since both of them had been taking care of him since birth and for 8 months respectively. She needed 150,000 naira but he could only provide 10,000 naira. He found everything she said surprising and perhaps, in anger, he also reminded her of how he had been helping her; how they were not married yet and that she had no right to compare herself to his mum since she wasn't forced to do all she did for him and in his house.

That is the story. My question is, who is wrong? Was the lady right for demanding 150,000 naira? Was she right in comparing herself to her mum? Was the gentleman right in sending money to his mum without considering his girlfriend? When I asked people on my contact list, someone said, 'The relationship is wrong. Why will you be in a relationship and be cohabiting on weekends like married couples? There's bound to be issues'. That got me thinking but to be sincere, they are right though. The moment you start cohabiting and start living like couples, I think you should consider giving each other the couple treatment.

However, why would you as a lady live with a man when you are not married or be doing the chores and cooking? Must you cook and clean for him? When did you become his maid? Don't you have something doing during weekends? Must you spend the weekends in his place always?

Another blames the man. He was like, 'The guy is to blame for not knowing how to strike a balance yet claims to be a man. It is normal to expect that your girlfriend will get jealous when you shower much care on your mum alone. There should be a balance!'. Isn't this becoming interesting? What do you think? Perhaps, the lady wasn't demanding until she saw how consistent he was in sending money to his mum? Why would you allow a lady you are not married to do your chores and cook for you as a man?

Someone however said, 'She's comparing herself to his mum? That's grave stupidity. And on the basis of care and sex, that's outrightly calling herself a prostitute that must be paid'. Wow! That was a bomb to my eyes when I saw it. Let me share another similar response, 'See the entitled slay bandit asking for money she didn't work for, just because she did some chores. Of course, she should be appreciated for that, and I want to believe he didn't force her to do the chores. She went ahead also to mention sex. How funny! Perhaps, she probably lied down like a log of wood while he had the sex like it is a one way thing. As a matter of fact, women enjoy sex more. But the entitlement is too much. Just 8 months into the relationship and she's acting like the assistant mother...' I would like to dwell on the two responses.

Dear ladies, why do you think your boyfriend should take the place of your parent or yours the moment you start dating? I mean he is your boyfriend not some ATM card which vomits money whenever you input the pin, SEX. Oh, that's how it is, yeah? Are you telling me he has sex with you just to pay you not because you also want to have sex? Let's be clear. What do you call one who collects money in exchange for sex? A pro-what? You see? People call a spade a spade when you have sex in exchange for money. If you wanna have sex, have it because you want it and you want to enjoy it! Well, what would the society think? This is the problem. Who says a woman shouldn't earn their money or initiate or have sex whenever they want? Why do men think they can lure women to having sex with them with their money?

Dear men, why do you think your money is enough to make any woman run after you? Why do you think with money you can make the lady you want have sex with you? Women are not sex objects that you can just see on the road, whistle at and make them fall for you just by seeing your fleet of cars, bags of money, well furnished apartment and the likes. Well, that's how it is? Men need money to be in charge and make the ladies be under them, you know.

Damn these detrimental stereotypes! A man sees a lady as a sex object who doesn't enjoy sex but his money while a woman sees a man as an ATM card who has access to her body through sex. Does any of these make sense? And I'm like can't a woman make money on her own? Can't a man have sex with a woman just because they both consent to having sex for the pleasure? What is with sex and money? Plus, that doesn't make a woman cheap. Damn that stereotype. A woman's worth is not in her vagina just as a man's worth is not in his penis.

It's pathetic how gender roles have shaped things which affect how both sexes act and react to situations. Since it's the man's gender role to make the money according to society, the woman who doesn't work due to society but baby sits, does house chores and allows the man to 'fuck her to his satisfaction' expects to be on salary by the man. So, in order to get money, the ladies start monetising sex. 'He must pay me before or after this sex or how else do I make money since I'm not allowed to work?' And the man can't object because the concept we're talking here is sex!! Also, women were made to marry rich men for the money because it's innate for them not to work. What happened to you that you can't become rich too? Are you a living dead? Is it an abomination to be rich? Who says a woman shouldn't work to eat? Why should she be dependent on another human called a man?

Don't get it twisted. When it comes to marriage, the couple involved knows how best to run their homes. I'm not here to start telling you how to live your lives as a couple. I'm more concerned about relationships that lead to marriage or not. However, even in marriage, it's advisable that a woman should work. Plus, it's fine if your man GIVES you money in a relationship. It's fine if your woman also GIVES you money but when either of you is ALWAYS asking, I dunno if that's a relationship anymore.

So, it was gender roles that brought about the story. However, it's important to know that gender roles are now changing. Women now are making this money and are initiating sex and also having sex for pleasure not for the money anymore. Therefore, it is necessary we all as human beings work and support one another.

Somebody said, 'Have the money, girls will come'. I'm sorry to disappoint you, that doesn't work anymore. Perhaps, it does but you don't just get value for your worth these days. Women enjoy sex as much as the men and also, they are making this money as well. So now, who came up with these stereotypes and roles? Dear human beings, it's time you put your hands to work. Women are not sex toys you can't get with your money. Both of you have sex to enjoy each other. Men also are not ATM cards. Both of you make money to support each other.

Thank you for following.

Comments 10

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Anita Shrestha
Nov 02, 2019
Nov 02, 2019

Dear Sister
Thank you for sharing this story

Jill Langhus
Nov 04, 2019
Nov 04, 2019

Hi Latoria,

Thanks for sharing another interesting, but challenging topic and bringing it up for discussion. I agree with you that both women and men have the option to make money, and not depend on the other. I think it's not right that this woman on the Instagram compared herself to her boyfriend's mother, but I also don't think it's right that he was giving his mother more than her, if she needed it, or if he respects and honors his mother more than her. Also, I don't think the woman in the Insta post should be cooking, cleaning and giving into sex if she is expecting something in return or is expected to do it either. So, those are my thoughts.

I hope you're doing well, and having a great day and week!

Beth Lacey
Nov 19, 2019
Nov 19, 2019

Actually, I think she needed to leave that guy long before she did.

Jan 12
Jan 12

The man is to love is wife,support and care for her. That includes money,its not wrong to give is mom in fact its the right thing any son should do but not above his wife. And I agree with Jill about the woman on insta post. Always the informative Latoria, thanks for shearing, hope you are well.

Metiege Noel Eve
Mar 02
Mar 02

Thanks Latoya for sharing such a challenging topic.. Probably the intent of cohabiting during dating is to prepare for marriage and she needing money from him is not replacing her parents it is just some social help from a friend

Apr 21
Apr 21

Thank you Latoria,

Youa re always raising challenging topics and I think that they are extremely relevant, particularly, in Africa.
You have come to a very important conclusion:

"Men also are not ATM cards. Both of you make money to support each other."

I would perhaps add another, that "Women are not their boyfriends' and/or their husbands servants."
It seems like there is lot of things that need to change in the relationships.

Obviously, there cannot any equality in a relationship when there is dependency.
I would encourage you to keep raising these issues with your friends and thorugh dialogue things might begin to change.
Keep it up.

Apr 24
Apr 24

Thank you for sharing.
Please stay safe out there.

Anita Kiddu Muhanguzi

Hi Latoria,
Hope you are well. Thank you so much for sharing your post on such an interesting and very challenging topic. We should teach both the boys and girls to make their own money.
Stay safe and stay home.

Laetitia Shindano
May 06
May 06

Cette histoire est vraiment éducative surtout pour ma communauté car elle montre comment la dépendance économique des femmes ,les exposent a toutes sortes de violences.

merci et a la prochaine


Antonia Bih
May 12
May 12

Hello dear sis.
Story with so much to learn.
Keep sharing.
Stay safe