You are such a piece of shit…!

Lavina Cardoza
Posted June 14, 2019 from India
You are such a piece of shit…!

If you got offended with the caption, read on to find out the context…..

 

Recently I was on a flight and happened to sit next to a young lady. As usual I picked up my book and started reading. I could not focus on it as the conversation between this young woman and the man sitting next to her was distracting (rather making me furious)! Now don’t mistake me. I am not the type to mind other's business, but this one was very unusual.

 

From their conversations I could figure out that they both worked in the same office and the young man could be the boss. The guy kept calling the lady “Oh…you are such a piece of shit”. If I were to count the number of times he repeated that sentence during the one hour flight, his name will be entered in Guinness World Record!

 

Now what intrigued me was not his ability to repeat, but the attitude of the female at whom it was directed. Every time he said that, she giggled and said something sheepish to avoid him. The more she did that, the guy got encouraged. Their conversation circled around some office politics and in between the pauses the guy repeating “oh you are a ….”.

 

Not just that, he would pat on her thighs and also comment how fat she is and how ugly she is becoming. Being a trainer and having dealt with the topic of Sexual harassment at workplace, I knew the woman could sue that guy if she wanted. But what was going on was with the full approval and amusement of the woman. How long could this lady tolerate such a guy, who had nothing sensible to say. Every statement of his was directed at demeaning the lady and he was slowly reducing the self-worth of that lady.

 

I know what you are thinking…you may argue that the lady is quite strong because she is not reacting. She is not giving a damn to what he is saying. But is it? Does she really need to take this? Why is she acting so dumb? Can’t she express her displeasure more assertively? Was she mistaking it for love? or she is treating this as any attention is better than no attention? What is her upbringing? She looked like someone well educated. She had the right sense of fashion. Why was she not objecting to what the guy was saying? I could feel that it would have a strong impact on her sub-conscious mind. She may act as if she does not care, but deep down it will impact her. Is there a need to put up with such a relationship?

 

Is she scared that she may be fired at her job? Is she feeling great that she is close to boss even if it comes at a price? Does she not know her rights? Is she thinking that it is part of the bargain? Is she overwhelmed with winning the friendship of her boss that she can overlook his subtle insults? I had no answers.

 

Now I do not want to put the entire blame on that lady for tolerating this. What about the upbringing of that man? Was he taught that bringing down someone’s self-esteem will help build his own? Does he think that his position as a “boss”, as a “Male” offers him the immunity? Does this kind of an attitude provide him the real happiness and respect in the long run?

 

In the end, rather than judging those two individuals, I quietly introspected for any similar experiences in my life where I would have played along due to lack of self-awareness.

Comments 6

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Lisbeth
Jun 15
Jun 15

Haha, you nearly got me with your titled. I was like what the "heck'. Thanks for this nice passage I really loved it. In both cases I think all is about our upbringing,. Whilst the man thinks saying all nasty things about the lady makes him feel secured. However the lady was brought up the opposite. Have a nice day.

Jill Langhus
Jun 15
Jun 15

Hi Lavina,

Wow! That's horrible. I don't think I would've had that much patience for that. I would've had to pass her a note or asked to speak to her. That's difficult. I know what you're saying that's none of your business, but geesh, that's bad, and maybe she just needs someone to encourage her that it's unacceptable. I really hope he wasn't her boss and that's she's tolerating that behavior from him.

Thanks for sharing your post, opening up the conversation on this incident, and for giving us all something to think about:-)

Hello, Lavina,

That is sexual harrassment indeed! That’s already an invasion of private space. How sad of there are women who would tolerate these kind of acts from bossess just to keep their jobs. If he can do that to her in public, I’m really worried what else he can do when the two of them are alone.

Could it be possible that that is also her boyfriend? If so, his speech is unacceptable. :(

It’s hard to intrude on this conversations even when we can hear them because we are to mind our own business. I hope we have a universal rule that we are allowed to interrupt when we feel women are mistreated, like it is ok to barge into situations like the one you’ve observed.

Thank you for sharing your story!

Beth Lacey
Jun 17
Jun 17

However she reacted- or didn't- this guy's behavior is wrong. He is the piece of s--t

Anjana Vaidya
Sep 10
Sep 10

Dear Lavina,
Thank you for sharing this............. your discomfort and uneasiness can be felt very truly and honestly in this piece...... this is such a disturbing. ........... oh my god I am speechless,..... how a man can be such a ridiculous... If I would have been in your place. I may not be able to tolerate as this happened in public place and so much repeatedly repeatedly happened. I know it is their personal things and woman was also not reacting to him, but I would really say to him.. OH Hello ... or just raise the eyebrows ........ or say excuse me ...... maybe I would continuously gaze at him with an awkward gesture or just to silently stand in front of him.... disgusting man.

I know it's their personal matter, but I can just show him my NO NO gesture to him really.

best regards, anjana

.

Lavina Cardoza
Sep 10
Sep 10

Thank you Anjana for taking the time to read and comment. I agree with you. Sometimes gestures can help us express our feelings and may deter the person and make them re-look at their behavior.