Silence in the Face of Noise: Fading Peace

Leonora
Posted January 28, 2019 from Trinidad and Tobago

I looked down the path which was before me and I felt a measure of fear, isolation and depression. Some would say I was peaceless and I would definitely say yes. Women are often called upon to be strong, to show forth greatness, yet we are often the most peaceless because society has made us so. Going back to that house was not an option being a single mother I made the decision to leave my relationship. This was not an easy choice however, it was the only option given to me to save my life.

No one knew the hell which I endured while smiling! No one saw the wars I fought while onlookers saw 'peace', No one realized the tears which flowed down my face during worship sessions were from the physical pain after being beaten. No one knew I went hungry many days as the food which I prepared for the family could not be touched before my partner had his share and he would leave barely enough for the children after eating to his heart and stomach content crumbs would be left for the children and myself.

When I made the decision to leave, I did not have a bank account because he controlled the finances, I had no place to go as he made me look like the one with all the issues who strained the relationship, and I could not stay because the final step would have been death. My country does not have measures in place to assist women like me, women who are seeking to leave to preserve their lives, it does not have support systems to help adult victims of childhood abuse and many times homelessness, lack of education and moving into another abusive relationship are the options which present themselves.

I made a choice to leave. I deserve peace and safety and I deserve to live free to realize my fullest potential. Many speak of peace as if its this thing one can grasp, hold in hand and release anytime war is present. I say peace is a dream which we all dream of, each of us have a different idea about peace, we all see it differently and we all speak of it in different ways. However peace for me is the ability to not only survive but to life a full life where I have the opportunity to experience moments of emotional, economic, physical and mental calm and assurance. Peace to me is knowing that today I can be free to become who ever I want to be, peace is knowing tomorrow has endless opportunities for me to advance academically, use my voice and seek co-existence.

However right now peace to me is a fading dream.

This post was submitted in response to Share Your Story On Any Topic.

Comments 9

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Hannah B
Jan 28
Jan 28

Hello Leonora,
Thank you for sharing your story!
I am impressed with your personal insight and the way your express your ideas - I particularly like this line: "I deserve peace and safety and I deserve to live free to realize my fullest potential." Yes, you do deserve these things, and I am glad that recognize that and are sharing with us!
I hope that you keep writing, and find some wonderful community on World Pulse!
Kind regards,
Hannah

jlanghus
Jan 29
Jan 29

Hi Leonora,

Welcome to World Pulse! Thanks for sharing your sad story, dear. I'm so sorry you had to endure all that pain and suffering, but I'm glad you did you leave your marriage. Was this recently? And, why do think peace is a fading dream now?

Jane Frances Mufua
Jan 30
Jan 30

Hello Leonora,

Courage for your bold decision. I have seen too many women suffer in my community to death because they are not courageous enough to face the realities of an abusive relationship. You took the right decision to put love of self first.

Rachyrae
Jan 30
Jan 30

Leonora, peace can be gotten from the Positive perception which is called "Yes I Can", "I am An Overcomer No Matter The Situation". Keep affirming it and the universe has a way of absorbing all of the words that we proclaim. Also, try not to give up, let your children be a source of motivation and inspiration for you. Remember that they look up to you. This is not the time to give up or stay pessimistic, this is the time to wake up and tell yourself that you are a survivor admist all odds.

Anita Kiddu Muhanguzi

Dearest Leonora,
Thank you so much for this story and you are most welcome to the World Pulse family. Peace should not be a fading dream for you because you deserve more than anyone and it will soon come to pass. We are here for you and we shall always be here for you. Stay blessed.

Millynairi
Feb 11
Feb 11

Thanks for sharing your story. You endured so much pain.

Heather Townsend
Mar 07
Mar 07

I hope that you and your children are now in a better situation. Thank you for sharing your story.

Bettina Amendi
Mar 31
Mar 31

Thank you for sharing you made the right choice.God will make a way.Hold onto Jesus.Regards,
Bettina

Bettina Amendi
Mar 31
Mar 31

Thank you Leonora for sharing.You made the right choice.Hold onto Jesus.