The silent Killer GBV

Posted November 12, 2019

Nobody will loved to experience it in their marriages and relationship but belief me it real. Its most victims are innocent. The couple's or relationship that suffers this will agree to this fact. The victims are innocent and the perpetrators are also less suspected from the beginning, else nobody will enter into ties with them.  

Somewhere in the 2000's, I got myself into such a mess all in the name of love. It's not easy for me today as I took this courageous step to let the whole world know about my experience. Apart from my close family members and few good friends who are aware of my Gender Based Violence, I always do my best to hide it from the world.  I remember when I returned home from Denmark 2010, anybody who try to enquire about my four years stay in Denmark I will tell them I was schooling. This lie was to cover my face from the shame of GBV and to still maintain my pretige as the lady I was before this mess.

How we met? We met at a college in Denmark called Egmont Hojskole the first time I went to Denmark to underwent a high School scholarship program sponsor by DANIDA, the government of Denmark.  All was love at first sight as they say, during an accessibility workshop we both attended.

I was house at the college hostel with my student mates but he makes sure to visit during the weekends since he was a worker. On his each weekends visits the gifts will flow left from right. He will shower me with gifts to a point that all my female mates begins to feel jealous of me.  All these continued until graduation and I had to returned back home. You will have to image the presents I got at the airport returning home.

At that time I agreed I was so naive about love. However, one thing I knew for sure was that he loved me else he will not spent too much on me. I remember that was my Google search on the features of a true lover ha.  Finally, I returned home and resumed work at my office. This time we continued online, Skype, Facebook and email. Those days no whatspp, Twitter, Instagram and the likes. At the office my Skype is always opened and minimize on my desktop screen so I will not missed any message from him. We also emailed and he will called Ghana line number and we can talk over hours. At times I will tell him you are wasting money on the calls, because it's huge money calling a foreign country from Denmark, but he will show off with me that our love is most important. Distance relationship we have to keep the communication alive he exclaimed! What can I say! 

I was there one-day when I got a mail from him wanting me to visit him in Denmark. I declined and rather asked him to visit me and my family in Ghana to know me and the family before. I Was thinking with the above statement he might declined so I know he is fake or not for real?

To my surprise he said yes and finally visited us 2006  in the month of March.

Here in Ghana he socialize with friends and family members within two weeks after he returned to Denmark. So with all these activities I was certain it was for real. September the same year I finally made up my mind to agree to live with him. It was a tough decision because I will leave family, friends and even quit my job to go stay with him. One thing I knew for sure was I will not quit my travelled. I face all the odd and I arrived in Denmark September 2006. 

We all will experience the couple life abi? Well we all agreed to it. He was the only first born to not a wealthy family to say but a well to do off family. He got his own house and works as a judicial lawyer in the komunne, like a county or a district assembly. He knew the laws very well I have no doubt.

Six months down the line things suddenly changed. The love was fading I guess. He was not physically violent but oh mine emotionally and psychologically abusive. He uses words like slave girl when he was referring to me oh. Initially I thought he was joking so I will laughed over it but he got a different settings all together. It's got to some point he will not want to see my face, eii. If we both are in the hall/living room he will prefer to exit/leave the hall. I watch my TV alone and retired to bed. Even 6 months down the line I had no serious friends in town. His friends became my friends, family my family. Basically, I shared everything of his. So when things were not going well he made very sure that these people excluded themselves from me. I do not know barely where to seek for help. Language was a great barrier for me also. Even as I started learning or going for Danish language lessons, it's just some few words i can understand and can interpret. I was a pure " Nino" green leave.

It got to a point he kept a password on his desktop to avoid me from getting access to it to seek for help. All I do is household chores and watch TV until he returned in the evening. It was very frustrating to go through verbal abuse oo. Sometimes I wish like he should just slap me, beat me. However, beacuse he know the laws he knew the consequences of physical abuse. If far friends visits us he will be nice as if nothing is wrong. Later he told me he was returning to his former girlfriend. Like seriously Lizzy what a mess you got yourself into. See the sacrifice you made only to be stab at the back. I used to cry at the initial stages but later I said no to that. Crying will never solved the issue on the ground. I endured all these behavior for extra 6 months hoping things will change but they rather got worst each time.

The short of the matter was he finally asked me to leave his house. Where could I go? I was willing for a counseling but he says a big no to that. Told me he cannot stand seeing my face and that I have to leave his house. He did all he could so I would leave. Finally, I got tired and one day when he left the house for work, I took the yellow address book and search for help. Unfortunately I got a number for a crises centre for abuse women. I narrated my story and they asked for the address and came and fetch me before he even returned home from work. Upon arrival he never called the krisescenter nor called me and this was the end of my story with him. The communication was now with him and the krisescenter, all legal process and what of you. So after another year we were legally separated and we went our ways.

Life is such a beast with the wrong person. Up to now, I am scared of friendship with the opposite sex neither to talk about relationship.

So my dear sisters out there I share your pains, I have wore your shoes and I know what it is to live in an abusive home. It's not the end, take that bold step and walk away when they do not need. You should never beg people to love you for who you are!

You are that beautiful, smart, and pretty woman who should never be underestimated by anybody. Another man's meat is another man's poison. They are a lot outside that cherished you for who you are!!!

 I guess  you are wondering what happens to me after the krisescenter experiences. Oh mine, I was not the only victim at the center. When I listened to others story I was like mine was in heaven. But the bitter truth is no abuse is better than the other. I stayed at the center until the legal separation and I moved out to new friends. There I started new lifestyle and thank this Almighty God all went well. I was enrolled in a college and I reapply for educational permit. I got legal educational permit to stay and complete my education. After all these, even though the men were running after me I dare not try again.

I returned home December 2010 happily to meet my family and friends that I deserted once upon a time. They all gave me a warm welcome and here I am praise to God. Today, I am not well off but I am happy and i got great life, compared to him he is currently paralyze. I do not wish him bad but one thing I know for sure is, if you take good care of another person owns, yours will also be taking care of by others.

What irritated me most, when his parents never advice him.  Suddenly I became the "witch ". Somebody's daughter you brought from a distance country to neglect her and God will be Happy? It's a lie! God fought for me.

Sisters let's muster up the courage and take the necessary actions always for God is with us. Thank you all for reading and great thanks also to Sif Holst for standing by me through out those days




This story was submitted in response to #IStandWithHer.

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