I am a woman, God made it so!!

I can boldly stand now and say I am a Woman. This has not always been the case.

As a very young child, my father would teach me that I am important, that he respected my opinion. I was the second child in the then family of four, as I recall, the family would increase to a family of nine.  My sister would then pass on and the family would reduce to eight as we remain today. My father was a working man, educated to a reasonable level that he tried to think in a progressive way.ng As a child I knew that my father cared for me, he never raised his voice and always asked us to explain the reason why we had done something wrong. In the end he would say "well I understand your reasoning but what you did was wrong try better next time"  however he always paid more attention to my brother and we understood that there was something that made him special even though at the time I did not understand what it was.

My mother would take every opportunity to remind us that our brothers would inherit from our father, and that nothing at home belonged to us.  Our brothers did no chaos whilst we cleaned the house and watered the garden.  They were kings in their castle, they would grow up to be entitled and arrogant (through no fault of their own) after all they were waited upon hand and foot. I liked to play with boys and I supposed the other reason I liked to play with them was because it allowed my father to notice me (rebellion) even though it did not look like that.  My mother would complain about my behaviour favouring my other siblings who seemed to be more favourably disposed.

Time would show that during the times when I spoke with my father, I got a good sense of who he thought I was that I would latter challenge him (something unheard of in our culture) the warrior in me had already been born, she was just waiting for the right battle. Ask life is always changing and our lives changed with our father marrying a second wife (to give him male children and to take care of his mother). During this time my father would change and move from the understanding that all children are equal to a staunch believer in male supremacy.  It is my understanding that all the things he had made us to believe we were a part the family and our voice mattered.  He was practising double standards  he had secret meetings with my brother telling him how he wished his estate to be managed in the event of his death. Sometimes I wonder, if God had given him a heads up, because not long after he would die, and leave the family in a crisis. He was practising double standards, raising us as enlightened children yet planning like he was a barbarian (too harsh you think kkkk but very true).  This would result in serious rifts between us children as well as my mother aligning herself with the boys (believing that they are the traditional heirs to my father's legacy). Most educated man train their children to be independent,  but when it matters they will choose tradition.   

Some educated women think fighting is beneath them . I would hear advice from friends like,  you are being greedy or let them have it all you can make your own wealth.  What they did not understand is that I was fighting for myself,  my mom,  my sister and my children and my unborn grand children.  I was fighting for the battles that I had failed to fight,  but above all for my humanity. 

My father was not a rich man, he had left very little considering that he had eight children and a wife, but for me my battle was not about what my father left only but it was about my identity.  In them saying I had no inheritance, and that they would not grant me an audience they were saying I was nobody and that I did not matter.  They were saying that my sisters and I did not matter, that our lives were worth nothing, I refused and decided to fight.  Often I would not sleep at all thinking of the worst that could happen, my mother managed to convince even my sisters that I was causing confusion in the family.  I became the black sheep of the family.  I fought, I threatened, I cajoled and I educated; I got in contact with Zimbabwe Women Lawyers Association directed my mother there. She needed someone who was not involved in this business to explain things to her, my bothers engaged a lawyer to help them with dissolving my father's property.  The lawyer would then advise them that there was nothing legal he would be able to do without my consent or my sister's consent, imagine the jubilation I felt, a step in the right direction,  I say this because the battle was not anywhere near over, my biggest challenge was the women in my family.  The man never confronted me directly with the exception of my own brother, however this I expected.  What I did not prepare for or expect was the assaults that would come from the women in my family.  At the time my marriage was in the rocks, it needed serious rehabilitation and everyone knew about it.  This was used a good example of why I could not possibly know what I was talking about, there would be times when I would even question my claim. I would be encouraged by  the story in the bible of Zelophehad's daughters who petitioned Moses, Eleazar the priest, the chieftains, and the whole assembly, at the entrance of the Tent of Meeting for their right to inherit his property rights in the Land of Israel.  I needed to do this for me, my sisters and my mother even though she did not understand.

In my professional career, I had been excited and curious until one day when I was late finishing my reports which were needed the following morning one of my senior bosses tried to rape me.  I fought very hard, and I was able to escape.  I would change the job to work for a freight company within the first week this director would also make sexual advances at me and I would leave this job and settle for a not so well paying job but secure. Years later when I was fighting this legal battle with my family, I would remember feeling the same sense of violation and feeling like the world was collapsing on me because there was no safe place. 

I managed to prevail and my father's estate was kept for all to benefit, however there is still some bad blood between my brothers and I as they feel cheated of an inheritance.  My mother thanked me one day when we were just relaxing and reflecting, she now understands what I was fighting for.

As a wife I am expected to wake up at 4:00 am and start preparing for the day, I have to make sure that I prepare for my kids and then I prepare for my husband, who is self employed, he can make his own meals. However society has agreed that as a woman if I get a maid to help me with these things and my husband ends up cheating with the maid (a very common occurrence in Zimbabwe), it is my fault for I should never let the ball down.  I should juggle a career, motherhood and being a wife with grace. Another way to abuse women, however with my legal battle going I soldered on and tried as best as I could.  However my husband would end up having an affair with the maid anyway, despite all the sacrifice.  He would use my family's battle as a weapon against me and to show me how unlovable I was, that my own family can not stand me.  I bowed my head and fought harder, I gave my husband an ultimatum to leave the house or shape up.  As I look back I was afraid to be alone that is why I would give him such an ultimatum, but it worked because he could see that I was on a war path.

However through this particular struggle alone, I learnt that as women we are our biggest enemy.  There are women out there who despite their education still believe that man are superior, that as role models that depict a wrong picture of what a woman is.  Most gender in equality is perpetrated by women in the belief that they are preserving our culture.  I also had to understand that after decades of being taught that they were nothing and believing it, I was not only challenging the man, I was also challenging them and making them question the things they did not want to acknowledge or admit. They did not want to admit that they had been violated, abused and neglected, because admitting this would make them seek a solution and they were not sure they could handle the out come. Everyone was quick to point that I wanted to be a man myself that is the reason of my husband's infidelity.

In the end I was able to change the way my whole family and most of those in our sphere of influence look at the issues concerning inheritance, the girl child and the position of a woman in the home.  I can honestly say I am not the kind of person fathers, want their daughters to hang around, nor am I the kind of person that husbands want their wives to befriend.  I keep challenging the barriers, the stereo types, I am looking closer at home.  I am looking at home I am raising my children, being conscious of  in grained habits that need to be broken.

The battle that I am sad that I did not fight at the time of its instigation was that of attempted rape. I see girls in the work place, in the street and I think if only I could get time to talk to you and hear your story.  

My mother one day said "blessed is a woman who has many daughters,  for she will never know lack in her time of need " This made my cry with joy, it was a far cry from the woman who had cursed the day I was born.

I sincerely believe that a family is blessed to have the cry of a child and the laughter of a family. It is not and should never be about the sex of the child. 

I am a woman , God made it so. He could have made me a man but he knew that I am perfect as I am.  Please do not try to tell me otherwise.

Everyone has a story to tell.