Why you should not get married in a patriarchal society

LuxG
Posted September 7, 2019 from Mauritius

I was brought up on cheap romcoms and romance novels.  My barbie had a husband and as a child, I dreamed of getting married and having children.  When I hit puberty, all I wanted was to have a boyfriend and I indulged in my self-image like it was the only thing that mattered.  The culture around me was dictating how I should behave and what my primary purpose in life should be.  The billboards in my city would advertise the subtle powers of makeup, the stores would sell accessories deemed kinky that every vixen should possess and my friends and I fell prey to the nefarious powers of advertising.

It wasn't until I had my first boyfriend that I realized how utterly stupid I had been.  As the years went by, I came to realize that I was sold a lie.  I spent the bulk of my teenage and pre-adult years wondering what men thought about me, primping myself religiously lest a random guy should judge me and always trying to fit into the mold of society's idea of the perfect woman.  Conversely, the men in my community had nothing to worry about.  They were raised to think that the world owed them everything.  In our Hindu community, being born male was considered the greatest blessing and parents would often pray with all their might to have a chance at having a son.  A daughter was considered a burden, because everyone knew and tacitly agreed that theirs would be a life of suffering.

In patriarchal societies and cultures alike, the independent woman is a scarred one.  The independent woman is evil, scary and anti-social.  Whilst men get to experience life to the fullest, women are threatened with ostracization should they choose to live their life on their own terms.  And god forbid they get married!  Married women are mere shadows of the human beings they once were, their life rotates around their husband's and children's and they will never have a moment's respite from the endless routine of domestic life, which only they can shoulder.  Statistics have shown that women are more likely to be depressed and suicidal in marriages whilst men thrive!  It is so obvious that heterosexual marriages are just the reinforcement of patriarchal notions within the household.

In this day and age, I exhort my sisters in societies like mine to think twice before getting married.  Last year, on new year's eve, a national radio station aired a segment on all the women who had been murdered by their spouses/boyfriends over the year.  I was appalled but I was vindicated.  These men, who go around tormenting and bullying women, do so because all their life they'd been told than they were superior to us.  Society pretends to be aghast when these men commit such heinous crimes but it silently imposes a plethora of norms upon women so that they can please these animals!

In short, men in society like mine are animals and they never evolved because the culture never evolved.  They are still primitive beings and they view women as an appendage to themselves, rather than as independent entities.  They never evolved because they'd rather kill and bully than find solutions to their problems.  They never evolved because they expect to be treated like babies in their marriages and they replaced their mother with their wife.  I exhort my sisters to think about the consequences of being married to the embodiment of the patriarchy itself, society told us it was about love, but in reality, it's patriarchy within walls.

This story was submitted in response to Human Rights for All.

Comments 22

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Wusufor
Sep 07, 2019
Sep 07, 2019

Dear Luxg,
Your story is very sensitive and I am very sorry to hear you have to put up with such attitude. I can see it might not be easy for you, especially when you had different opinion about it after going into it.
This is our society for real and its sad. Please I noted few sensitive words that you used "animal" "animals". I suggest if you can replace it with other words like " barbaric or uncivilized or something like that. The word animal or animals is not Human.

This is a worldwide platform and we will not like to give the impression otherwise. I hope you understood my point. I hope you are doing fine? Have a great weekend.
Hugs

LuxG
Sep 23, 2019
Sep 23, 2019

Hello Lisbeth,
I wholeheartedly agree that this is a worldwide platform but I don't understand the need for censorship because I am not disparaging anyone or any community, I am merely talking about a reality that's causing a lot of pain to women in my country. We've had four murders since the beginning of September, and I don't think I should use politically correct words when the very fiber of womanhood is being disrespected on a daily basis.
Hopefully you can understand my sentiments.
Best regards,
Lux.

Jill Langhus
Sep 07, 2019
Sep 07, 2019

Hello Lux,

How are you doing, dear? I hear you. It sounds like a very difficult paradigm to redirect and rebuild, but overtime through forgiveness, education, tolerance, respect and love I think it's achievable, don't you? What do you think the best strategy would be for a complete transformation on attitudes, beliefs and socialization would be in your particular region, or even country? I'm curious to know why you see independent women as being considered "evil, scary and anti-social?" Thanks for sharing your story and spreading awareness on how women are perceived in your religion and region.

I hope you're doing well, and having a good weekend.

LuxG
Sep 23, 2019
Sep 23, 2019

Hello Jill,
I'm sorry if my writing isn't clear enough but it's been my experience that in patriarchal societies, independent women are often thought of as being ''evil and anti-social'' just because they don't fit into the narrative that the patriarchy had built for them (motherhood and so on).

Jill Langhus
Sep 25, 2019
Sep 25, 2019

Hello dear:-)

I thought that's what you were implying, but thanks for the clarification:-) Hope you're doing well, and having a good day, dear!?

XX

Karen Quiñones-Axalan
Sep 10, 2019
Sep 10, 2019

Hello, Lux,

It sounds like the men you encountered in your country are disrespectful to women. Who gave them that right to torment women that way? :(
It makes sense for a woman to stay single if she will just end being a victim of domestic violence.
We are really broken and wounded people. I hope we all find healing, including those men who mistreat women.

LuxG
Sep 23, 2019
Sep 23, 2019

Indeed Karen, I couldn't have said it better!!

Karen Quiñones-Axalan
Sep 23, 2019
Sep 23, 2019

I hope the violence against women will end.

Anita Shrestha
Sep 15, 2019
Sep 15, 2019

Keep it continue

LuxG
Sep 23, 2019
Sep 23, 2019

Thank you!!

Nicole reid
Sep 22, 2019
Sep 22, 2019

you right to choose not to get married or have child is a fundamental right for all women. thank you for raising your voice for all women on this issue

LuxG
Sep 23, 2019
Sep 23, 2019

Thank you !!

ANJ ANA
Sep 23, 2019
Sep 23, 2019

I can feel your anger dear Luxg. keep thinking and posting.
best regards, anjana

LuxG
Sep 23, 2019
Sep 23, 2019

Thanks !!

Anita Shrestha
Sep 23, 2019
Sep 23, 2019

Dear Luxg
Keep cool dear.
Keep continue to publish
Regards

LuxG
Dec 07, 2019
Dec 07, 2019

Thanks Anita!!

Spiritedsoul
Oct 10, 2019
Oct 10, 2019

Hi Lux,
I love what you wrote. It is very real and significant issue which impacts so many people‘s lives. I do hope they can be some transformational and attitudes Keep posting.
Hugs,
Jess.

LuxG
Dec 07, 2019
Dec 07, 2019

Thank you for this encouraging comment, Jess!

Felicitas Wung
Nov 30, 2019
Nov 30, 2019

Thanks for sharing.

LuxG
Dec 07, 2019
Dec 07, 2019

Thank you Felicitas!

Laiba Zainab
Dec 04, 2019
Dec 04, 2019

Thank you for sharing this.
I can relate to each and every word. Same is the case in Pakistani society. Men are kings and strong women are a threat

LuxG
Dec 07, 2019
Dec 07, 2019

Thanks Laiba, I'm happy that this resonated with you. I think change is imminent, because economic freedom has become a reality for many women, which will in turn lead to gender equality.