The guilt Whistleblower with his darn whistle in my head

Marie Abanga
Posted April 17, 2021 from Cameroon

It's been a month since I last logged in to World Pulse, one of my favourite safe spaces online. How come I couldn't do a quick hop in when I got the app on my phone he villianly blows? I truly despise his activity and I try to stifle the sound before I bang my head to the wall in utter annoyance.

I can explain, or should I even bother to?

Do you whistleblower in my head even know what am juggling? Does it occur to you that I wouldn't want to just just hop in, but stop by and write, and reply to comments and encourage some too? Maybe a brief reminder of what I have been up to in the last month pretending you don't know although you are lodged where lots of decisions are made 'tschuip - long sigh' 

Remember the MSc and the datelines for the two big project proposals? Remember the kids and Gaby being sick with the ear infection? Remember am a single parent juggling all that? Remember my mum being sick too? Remember my own mind muggles? Come on now should I go on?

And here is where I might just breaksdown and beg you to leave me alone; it's not easy juggling it all and finding time for self and not being scared of what the kids are getting into when you are not paying attention.

Imagine the terror of a mum gunned down by her own first womb fruit who had slipped into drugs! 

Imagine the horror of finding out your son was getting addicted to porn right under your own roof!

Imagine the embarrassent of not being invited to your sibling's marriage for reasons you can only suspect!

Imagine the pain you feel that you can't once again make it to a sorority function - a sister's marriage, a family burial, a child's baptism...all because you already got too much going on, are scared of the pandemic and low in cash!

So dear you whistleblower with that your darn whistle in my head, you either lower your sound or get lost for real. My World Pulse family understand, am not even the only one with such a story.

I will use my voice and speak of my vulnerability but I will remain authentic in the belief that I am more than all this. I am a Survivor and I can with faith always find my balance and way back to my zen Amen

 

 

 

Comments 6

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Nini Mappo
Apr 17
Apr 17

Dear Whistelblower,
You heard the girl. You heard MAG the power-girl. So, Now, Scoot! How dare you even attempt to topple her resilience? Come on, you know that she makes sound decisions, and you are just bored and jealous. And honestly this is poor judgment on your part, so accept defeat and scoot. Because MAG the power-girl knows, and all the sisters know, and even you know that World Pulse is not a place we log on. It is a spirit...an attitude we carry that bolsters our every day decisions, the choices we make, and how we choose to interreact with and influence our world, whether internal or external. So you see, whistle-blower? MAG the power-girl's heart has never logged out. You have no case against her, So you leave her alone, OK? I bid you no goodbye, because you ain't meant to be here in the first place, hey, guilt?

Marie Abanga
Apr 17
Apr 17

Dear Nini,

Thank you. It has been heavy on my heart and spinning in my head, I was getting terrified and decided today to call that dude out (my choice to make them male lol) so I can get my WP groove back.
He got the message loud and clear.

Hugs girl

Busayo Obisakin
Apr 17
Apr 17

Dear Sister,
I am joining Nini to kick out the whistle blower. Fatigue as a result of burdens we share with our clients is real but what I always do is holding the hand of the universe, God, the one larger than us as I empathize and it always help a lot. Sending you a big hug my Sister!
Love
Busayo

Marie Abanga
Apr 19
Apr 19

Thank you so much sister mi,

I will start doing this so previously.

Big

jomarieb.earth
Apr 20
Apr 20

Dear Marie,
Girl own your power, and don't let the whistleblower own it. Clear your space. Clear your time. Clear your moment. Clear your mind. Even if it's just for the time it takes to fill and empty your lungs twice. Breathe...and fill the moment with your Zen. And own it. Nothing owns you. I don't even want to address that "thing" because I won't allow it to matter. You did it enough already. And now it doesn't matter. Bask in your Zen and own it. There is where you heal, fortify, energize and get prayed up to return to whatever you select.
Hugs Mag...JoMarie

Marie Abanga
Apr 21
Apr 21

Dear JoMarie,

Thank you so much for your encouraging and poetic words. You know once I WROTE IT down it was like calling it out and reminding it that I owned me and was taking it one stage at a time and according to my pace. Your comment is just to that effect and I can really tell myself Girl it's OK. I really do OWN IT ALL with gratitude to be candid.
So many hugs too in return
Marie