How does depression feel's

Over here in Africa it's almost a taboo to say you are depressed.when you say you are depressed people actually believe you are insane and have completely loosed you mind. 

You see whenever you meet me out there am usually a bubbly person, I talk alot and smile and you can easily think am an ever happy person and my life is just great. 

Over now close to an year, I have literally been struggling with my past trauma, the people who are so close to me have caused me so much pain (family.i wouldn't even finish to write this if I explain the ordeals I have gone through..All this made me look for Love in the wrong place's  and that person ended up causing me so much pain. Luckily I left alive with my supper amazing Lil boy that am so proud of.

It's the nights I feel so much pain, the mornings I  struggle to get out of bed, it's me socking my pillows at night coz I have so much anxiety and panic attacks, it's me coming home at night and I just don't even want to switch on the light's. It's me whenever I look at someone death new's I say to my self she is finally free from pain and I wish that's me but then I remember about my son and I don't want him to suffer all alone in this world without me. 

I get up one more time to try for him. 

It's going to my new business and feeling like things will never work out.

I hope I wake up one day free from pain. 

Am grateful for the admins creating this platform. Sometimes it's better to open up to strangers than people who know you because they end up with something to talk about to everyone about you.