In 2015, I discovered I was pregnant and it was the happiest day of my life. Truth is I was scared because I wasn't married to the guy who by the way is my husband now - some girls will say I should be angry and go in for an abortion but that didn't cross my mind for a second. The moment I saw those two famous stripes, I knew I wanted to keep the baby nor matter what the father wanted. Luckily for me, he accepted the pregnancy but later traveled to the US for greener paatures - leaving me with this cute human growing in me like weed. My pregnancy was healthy till the end of my second trimester - my whole world turned upside down. After returning home from work one day, I noticed I was bleeding. I was so scared and confused but has no money to go to the hospital that evening. That night I couldn't sleep nor eat - all I could think of was my baby. The next day, I borrowed money from a friend and rushed to tge hospital but behold it was too late. The doctor instructed the nurses to give me forced labour while telling me with no emotions that trying to save the baby will only harm me. I pleaded but it was of no use - I had to chose between the baby and myself.
It was a painful process but I had to bare the pains till my dead 6 months old baby boy was taken out of me. The midwife wrapped him in a nilon paper and said "dear girl, here is your baby. Give h to your people to go bury". I told him, walked out of the delivery room like a lost soul.
Healing from that experience was toug. The first question the baby's father asked me was " has any lady in your family had a miscarriage? " - the question got me confused and I said "NO". He then told me "well it means it doesn't run in your family". I asked myself if miscarriages are hereditary.
Some family members and friends kept asking me queations like "what happened? What did you do?". Why should anyone think I did something? They all asked in low voices like the next person should not hear of it. Why should women discuss such pain in the shadows?
Few weeks back I met a young girl who had a similar experience and feels so ashamed to talk about it. I could see fear in her eyes. The society will place such guilt on a woman who only wanted to bring forth another life into this complicated world. This made me realize how traumatized women are after losing their babies.
Our health institutions should consider incoporating mental health services for such women.
As I journalist, I use my platforms to enable women talk about their pain, hoping it can inspire others to fight for their mental health after miscarriages. Couple of ladies out there have had such experiences repeatedly and keep the pain in rather than letting it out.
We only take about it when celebraties testify to haven gone through it themselves. Let's break the silence.