Healing My Fears

It's three o’clock in the morning, bad dreams woke me up and I couldn’t sleep anymore. Yet, I can’t help to smile and feeling so grateful for another new day. Another day of opportunities to live life fully, giving myself a gift of being kind to others amidst the unkindness of the world and the cruelties of pandemic.  After battling with Covid 19 together with my daughter four months ago and celebrating my birthday last July, life is more beautiful for me.

 I’m still struggling with post Covid symptoms like chest pain, fatigue, heart palpitations and anxiety.  But not as much I had after I got out from the hospital.  All the fears and pains of post Covid symptoms creeped in for months.  My dizziness, chest pains and body weakness unable me to walk for almost two months.  My doctor couldn’t explain why I’m having chest pains after all the physical examinations I underwent which were all normal.  She said it was anxiety and she gave me anti -anxiety medicine aside from all the steroid inhalers and antacids I’m taking in.   Such diagnosis aggravated my feeling of anxiety.  I assumed it was just normal to have the feeling of anxiety when you don’t know what is happening to our bodies which I need some enlightenment from my doctor instead of giving me anti-anxiety pills.

The thought of suffering from anxiety was one of the worst feeling I had in my entire life.  Oh my God! What if I can’t control myself and ended up losing my sanity?  I had to fight myself of all the negative thoughts not to succumb to fear and anxieties of not knowing why.  I did try to take my anti- anxiety pill for day in compliance of my doctors advise despite my hesitations. What I got was worst. I felt so weak, dizzy and all I could do was to lie down and sleep all day just to ease the discomfort. I did not continue taking my pill.    

I had to heal myself and deal with my fears, I said.  Two months of suffering from dizziness made me wondered why.  I suspected its my steroid inhalers that made me dizzy and weak. I decided to stop taking my steroid medications just for a day to observe how will my body response.   Wow! The dizziness was gone and I was able to gain some strength to walk slowly without chest pains.  But I was still scared not to follow my doctor’s prescription. I did have my inhalers again and just a few minutes, I felt dizzy for the whole night. I knew the culprit.

I told my doctor that I stopped taking all my medications except my supplements. I was able to celebrate my birthday in July with my family and close friends.  I continue doing my morning and evening meditations, evening steam inhalations with oregano leaves, ginger and sea salt, deep breathing exercises with the fresh air and sunshine, listening to music, walking every morning and afternoon, eating vegetables and fruits, have a positive attitude every day and helping others to cope with Covid online.  

I’m so grateful of all the people who had been there with me in my life-threatening journey. They made me laugh, helped me to be comfortable and confident.   Yes, every day is a beautiful day no matter how gloomy the world in this time of pandemic. The sun, the moon, the trees and grasses, the flowers and butterflies, the waters and ocean, and the whole of the universe are giving us hope of healing.  Covid will be over soon, just as our fears#