Healing My Fears

malayapinas
Posted October 2, 2021 from Philippines

                                                               

It's three o’clock in the morning, bad dreams woke me up and I couldn’t sleep anymore. Yet, I can’t help to smile and feeling so grateful for another new day. Another day of opportunities to live life fully, giving myself a gift of being kind to others amidst the unkindness of the world and the cruelties of pandemic.  After battling with Covid 19 together with my daughter four months ago and celebrating my birthday last July, life is more beautiful for me.

 I’m still struggling with post Covid symptoms like chest pain, fatigue, heart palpitations and anxiety.  But not as much I had after I got out from the hospital.  All the fears and pains of post Covid symptoms creeped in for months.  My dizziness, chest pains and body weakness unable me to walk for almost two months.  My doctor couldn’t explain why I’m having chest pains after all the physical examinations I underwent which were all normal.  She said it was anxiety and she gave me anti -anxiety medicine aside from all the steroid inhalers and antacids I’m taking in.   Such diagnosis aggravated my feeling of anxiety.  I assumed it was just normal to have the feeling of anxiety when you don’t know what is happening to our bodies which I need some enlightenment from my doctor instead of giving me anti-anxiety pills.

The thought of suffering from anxiety was one of the worst feeling I had in my entire life.  Oh my God! What if I can’t control myself and ended up losing my sanity?  I had to fight myself of all the negative thoughts not to succumb to fear and anxieties of not knowing why.  I did try to take my anti- anxiety pill for day in compliance of my doctors advise despite my hesitations. What I got was worst. I felt so weak, dizzy and all I could do was to lie down and sleep all day just to ease the discomfort. I did not continue taking my pill.    

I had to heal myself and deal with my fears, I said.  Two months of suffering from dizziness made me wondered why.  I suspected its my steroid inhalers that made me dizzy and weak. I decided to stop taking my steroid medications just for a day to observe how will my body response.   Wow! The dizziness was gone and I was able to gain some strength to walk slowly without chest pains.  But I was still scared not to follow my doctor’s prescription. I did have my inhalers again and just a few minutes, I felt dizzy for the whole night. I knew the culprit.

I told my doctor that I stopped taking all my medications except my supplements. I was able to celebrate my birthday in July with my family and close friends.  I continue doing my morning and evening meditations, evening steam inhalations with oregano leaves, ginger and sea salt, deep breathing exercises with the fresh air and sunshine, listening to music, walking every morning and afternoon, eating vegetables and fruits, have a positive attitude every day and helping others to cope with Covid online.  

I’m so grateful of all the people who had been there with me in my life-threatening journey. They made me laugh, helped me to be comfortable and confident.   Yes, every day is a beautiful day no matter how gloomy the world in this time of pandemic. The sun, the moon, the trees and grasses, the flowers and butterflies, the waters and ocean, and the whole of the universe are giving us hope of healing.  Covid will be over soon, just as our fears#       

 

This story was submitted in response to Dispatches from the COVID-19 Pandemic.

Comments 10

Log in or register to post comments
megsmueller
Oct 03
Oct 03

Greetings to you! I am glad that you are having happier days lately. I understand what you have been through. It's been more than a month and I am still experiencing post COVID challenges. like yours were. And also, like you, I have stopped taking some meds. The best medicine is laughter, family, chatting with friends, logging into World Pulse, writing, painting, fresh air, nature walks. Fear does not live here. We send Fear back to infertile grounds, where it will die and wither. Thank you for your voice of encouragement!

malayapinas
Oct 03
Oct 03

Thank you to for this response too Meg. Keep healing yourself and we can overcome this pandemic. Keep safe and be healthy always !

Cheers !

maeann
Oct 03
Oct 03

Helo Dear, thank you for sharing your experienced from being a covid patient. It feels good to hear that many are recovering from covid and sharing how they have cope and believe that they will heal. I'm glad that you and your daughter are recovered now. Belated Happy Birthday too.

I hope you can join, "Ito ang aking Istorya" for World Pulse Philippines 2nd Anniv, you can visit our Facebook page here for details: https://www.facebook.com/worldpulseph. We'd love to welcome you.

malayapinas
Oct 03
Oct 03

Hi ! Thank you for the greetings and the invitation ! Yes, I will visit the page . Congratulations for the 2nd Anniversary . Wish you all the best and keep Filipino women's voices be heard all over the globe !

Urvashi Shivdasani
Oct 04
Oct 04

So glad to hear you are well and recovering!

malayapinas
Oct 04
Oct 04

Thank you my sister ! Keep safe and healthy as well!

Jensine Larsen
Oct 04
Oct 04

My love - it feels like a healing balm to me and the community to hear your voice. I had no idea you had been grappling with this sickness and relieved that it feels you are slowly inhaling greater health and strength. We need you rested, balanced and celebrating your birthday and your family and all the things you love! I am grateful for you!!!

malayapinas
Oct 04
Oct 04

Thank you my love Jensine! It's been a long while for being so silent and sometimes being silent we can hear and listen to our own voices . Happy to be back with my writing here with you and all the family of World Pulse. The challenges are still there , my burning passion to write is still alive... World Pulse silently keep calling me and I'm so grateful as well. Hope this pandemic will be over soon and healing will reign all over . Stay safe my love Jensine ! Hope to see you again !

rebecca.tang
Oct 04
Oct 04

I am delighted to hear that you feel better now. COVID 19 really brings a lot of pain to people. Hope the vaccination can really help to prevent people from being infected.
The best medicine from healing is optimistics, happiness and laughter. Don't worry too much!
Be healthy & stay Safe! May Almighty God bless you and your family!

malayapinas
Oct 04
Oct 04

Thank you my sister Rebecca ! Yes, I'm already fully vaccinated and my whole family. I'm trying to be optimistic always and not to worry too much... But, it's always a struggle of the positives and negatives and the greatest opponent of our times is the virus of the mind that always lives with us ... We need to be strong and have faith in our selves and the people that love us for our healing. Laughter with love ones and frriends is the best medicine! God Bless and Stay safe as well!