Pakistan: Dowry is not a gift its a burden

Mannat
Posted September 25, 2017 from Pakistan
Say no to dowry

The society in which live is very modernised today , the people are educated and feudal customs are changing. But the people thinking is not changing as it should be. The women are still victims of domestic violence.

The women in South East Asia are still a prey of dowry. The parents are compelled to give dowry to their daughters and a lots of marriages did not work due to this. If it is a gift from parents to their daughters than it should be a custom but today in our society it has become a business. The parents of boy demand house and car and many other luxury items and parents of the girl which are always in the need of an educated and employed boy have to meet up to their demands .

As the demands are fulfilled the new demand is ready to knock the door again and parents to save the marriage of their daughter fill it again and in the end the parents are not in position to fulfill demand and the result is the divorce. Even women are killed and are beaten for not bringing good clothes and household items in dowry. Women are quip even and get divorced also.

The boys parents exploit the girls parents. The law is there but implementation is not there to give women their rights. I have seen many women get divorced due to this. The story of my neighbour which i cant forget, the wife was daily beaten by her husband because of not bringing quality dowry and when some body went to save the women , her husband used to abuse her and always said its our personal matter and woman was not allowed to contact her parents even. When ever she come to our home and other neighbour home , used to call her parents. Parents always said that you have to compromise. She compromised and the day came when her husband became the father of a daughter and his behaviour changed with her. She took a breath of relief and was happy with her husband now. She forgot all the pain through which she went.

But who is responsible for the pain through which she went? The society? Parents? Husband? Woman? A few days ago a city of Pakistan witnessed an unprovoked death of a 25 years old woman by forced acid consumption. As per police reports her in laws forced her to swallow acid solely due to the reason she failed to bring a sizeable dowry in her marriage. I was stunned by this news and this kind of act is invincible . It is a socially endorsed form of violence.

The society has to change its norms to empower women. The role of law implementation institutions is key. Only laws are not enough but the practical is mandatory. Don’t try to put women behind the bars ,make her a free bird so that she can fly to see and explore the world .

This story was submitted in response to Share On Any Topic.

Comments 5

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Nakinti
Sep 25, 2017
Sep 25, 2017

Dear Mannat,

You are correct, the society has to change its norms in order to empower women. Women face a lot of problems in marriages because of bride price and dowries. In my country where men are expected to pay huge bride price for their wives, women are treated as slaves by these same men who think they used their money to buy their women and so they must treat them like trash. Gender based violence is real, my sister. We need to lead behavior change projects to avert all these. Thank you for adding your voice to this.

Nakinti

Mannat
Sep 26, 2017
Sep 26, 2017

Thanks my dear 

U r right , every one have to pay the part to eradicate this social evil.

Laura Baptista
Sep 25, 2017
Sep 25, 2017

Dear Mannat,

Thank you for your post. The tradition of dowries have always intrigued me. How come in the 21st century a family still have to pay for someone to marry their daughter? And after that, pay for them to stay married! That's outrageous. 

I believe the responsability is everyone's, except the woman maybe: the parents of the groom when they exploit the bride's family; the groom when he's violent and abusive, and when he requests a dowry to marry or stay married, instead of marrying for love and building a partnership with his wife; the woman's family when they allow the abuses to happen instead of saving her; but also society's responsibility, because people know the abuses happen and do nothing, they keep this unjust tradition strong.

I believe while women are treated as property and not as human beings this will keep happening. Though my country have many problems like this, I think the whole world needs to take action regarding women's issues in Pakistan. 

Do you recommend any reliable institution that is working actively to solve this issues in your region? I'd love to help, maybe spreading the word and donating a little bit for this cause.

Love,

Laura.

Mannat
Sep 26, 2017
Sep 26, 2017

Thanks alot for the kind words and love you shown for my country.

There will b many but the reliable which i know is smile again foundation which helps acid burns victims and after their recovery train them and able them to be independent.

Depilex Smileagain is a supportive organization which helps in the rehabilitation of such victims by providing them with surgeries and skin treatments. Once the acid victims have recovered, Depilex Smileagain also trains them professionally in their fields of choice and also helps them getting a job or starting a business of their own.

You can find their site on internet. 

Love for you for being so kind 

maeann
Nov 02, 2017
Nov 02, 2017

Dear Mannat,

I have heard this dowry when I visited once in India.  After hearing it, my heart likes to protest. So many questions came to my mind.  I hope that in the next generation with young minds, they will be able to think of how to improve this thing to bring equality and not to be a burden to the family.