My initiative is a unique one in my own eyes because I share a lot about my own journey and struggles with my mental health and mental illness. I am happy to this so that more awareness is raised, more identify with my journey and feel less alone, and can proceed to taking the actions they need or reaching out for appropriate help with fear if stigma and rejection.
Now, let me just reiterate that am a high functioning person and can smile my way through alot. That's why looking at my picture you might not guess I was freaking out at that time.
It all started around noon on Saturday 23rd January when the things I had to do that morning weren't done and I just started getting nervous and tired at the same time. Fear started creeping in and I really felt like sleeping. I went back home and slept for like an hour (sign of something for I hardly sleep like that during the day). I resisted screaming at my son and instead went to my office by 2pm to try and catch up on the pile of work I had ( after a week shuttling to the psychiatric ward to care for my sister).
By 8 pm, I had done 75 percent of the work for the day but I felt like a loser and my head was already aching. Back home and off to bed by 9.30 am; up at 00:30 then sleep and up at 2:30 am, and then doze and up for good at 4:30 am. All signs and by then the head was pounding, heart beating and sweat had started. My to do list for Sunday was even more scary with a tender to be completed and submitted latest the 27th. Datelines can get me to loose sleep days ahead; I always try to be as early as i can.
I got to the office at 8 am reminding myself to keep breathing and to remember that all that matters is that I do my best. I had to go pick up a bed from my mum's across town to replace a broken one in the boys' room, and instead of being happy I was crying at the freight of driving from my aunt's to my mum (I borrowed my aunt's pick up and my cousin had agreed to meet me at mum's and drive me back home and take the car back to my aunt's). Anyways, I drove the 10 minutes distance in 20 minutes or so with so much sweating and prayers I don't hit anyone or vice versa - luckily it was in the hood on dusty road so no car was speeding (was also a Sunday at noon hurray).
When I got back to the office, I did my best and even had a session with a couple. The great news is that I ended up doing all I had to do to like 90 percent good. I actually breathe out the last anxious thought at 4 pm when the couple came in, we had a great session and I reminded myself it was ok if I didn't have 7/7.
Anxiety attacks creep in more slowly than full blown panic attacks when you feel like you are dying and sometimes see or feel them spiders (I have had like 3 I can remember like 6 and 5 years ago).
What I can say is that with the right support, such attacks come to pass. I refuse to shut up or accept any form of stigma about my mental health muggles hahahahaha
I hope my experience inspires, motivates and encourages someone out there