There are days and moments in life like this, where some things in and around you just go meh, and regardless of all the shine going on around you, you find it hard to get to the inside you. Does that make sense to someone? Can anyone relate?
Anyways, for like two weeks and some, I have been broke in a few corners of me. Broke in my pocket hahaha, broke in my spirit and broke in my soul. Now, it's been fluctuating even on the same day.
Sometimes you are seen to be busy but lots of that busy (beezy for me because I feel like a bee during such moments) isn't income generating - and the bills don't care about that mark you. I had to spend quite some to get to the south of my country for the court case of a small child who was gravely sexually assaulted in April - public solidarity was largely moral and even that has faded by now of course...But, am not complaining because I have a roof over my head and a meal or two a day.
My spirit took a hit because of some external persecution of my choices. Uh huh, back here it seems age don't matter. You are 40 and you make choices others don't like, they come visit you with cousin misery... A day or two down in moods wallow, and then like an Eagle I soared - making sure they took note hahahaha
And then my soul took its own hit when a potential soulmate told me they weren't ready after all - they had needed 5 months to get to that meh. It was an amicable break up of sorts because I instigated the discussions well after 7 days of stalemate and a previous 7 days of mono syllabus exchanges by whatsapp. What was the point keep hope alive without being so sure of the direction of the ship? When I asked what was the prospect and they said they had lost all motivation to go on, I didn't press on. I had actually been preparing myself for a worst case scenario - but still it added to my meh
The good news however is that all is well which ends well. Why do I think Bob Marley was inspired to compose such a soulful piece? Who was I waiting for to play it or sing it to me?
So this morning I sang it to myself well and proper. I know that I am more than a conqueror. My spiritual growth makes me so happy and even proud of myself, soon I will start school as a commonwealth scholar (not to be taken for granted), and my boys and I are in good health in a safe part of the country (I can't forget some are in perilous situations currently).
I put on my shine today from inside, and I let it radiate on the outside. Singing that song to myself this morning, in adition to other gospel rhythms I knew, really made my mood and day.
OH YES: EVERYTHING''S GONNA BE ALRIGHT...