Hi my lovely brother.
I am here always praying for you. Do not worry about us, here everything is going. I am not saying “going well,” just going. Because we all really miss you. And without you the sky is dark, life is meaningless, and even a smile is bitter. In these days, we are just trying to be fine. In fact, we cannot.
Each moment, each second, and every day you come to my mind. Your smile is always in my thoughts. Every morning, I wake up, I tell myself that you are with us, and you will be with us forever. I do believe that you are with us, that is why I am here now. I do not know about this exam in my life. The exam of passing a tunnel without any light. The exam of passing darkness. I never thought about it. No one can understand exactly how I feel. And how hard life is without you. You are always in my thoughts. I cannot even imagine how our mom is doing. But I am sure her heart is deeply broken. It is really hard for her to be far away from you. She misses you and misses the moments when you would kiss her feet.
Look at Helen. She doesn't even know where her kind father is. You had the biggest dreams for her life and her education. She is too small for this pain. Sometimes I think she is lucky to have a father like you. I cannot say “had a father like you” because you will always be with her and with us. We cannot see each other, but we can strongly feel you everywhere with us. Of course, Helen is lucky. But she will just know you by your photos. It is the most painful thing for all of us.
Although I cannot talk to you face-to-face, I can talk to your photos. I can read all our messages that we had together. I read them several times and then close my phone. Sometimes I cannot open the gallery of my phone, because I cannot bear to see the smile on your face which has halted forever. You loved children, and you always told me about how innocent they are. You said that it is not their choice to come in this world, but their parents are the only people who decide for them to be a part of this world. This is how you introduced Helen to the world when you told everyone how determined you were to make a bright future for her. But the Taliban did not let your dreams come true.
I am sure you are looking at this cruel world and you will see all the injustice. You said, “Despite the difficulties, I owe my life to this land and will work for its betterment so long as I live.” They could not stop your dreams, but they stopped your heart forever. They did not let you watch your sweet daughter grow.
The last night that we were together I made you a cup of tea. Then we talked and you told me about your goals and dreams. You always read books for Abdul Haq and me, your two youngest siblings, and encouraged us to read a lot. I love you my kind, patient and pure-hearted brother. It is hard to write about my memories of you. When I remember your patience, your kindness, your pure heart, your dreams, your plans, your love for us and everything, I cannot continue thinking about our loss. Why did they do this to you? Why? This “why” is a puzzle that I can never solve.
Dear brother, I will be the educated, strong and successful woman you always wanted me to be. Your love, encouragement, and sacrifices have made it possible. I will not disappoint you. I will make you proud. It’s the best way to remember you.
Your small sister,