Chatting with my colleagues and friends these past few weeks on the topic why women don't speak up in many dehumanizing situations made me wonder what their mentality is based on.
Here are the views expressed by educated and uneducated women on why the endurance. " if you report a man for violating you or having an affair he will be humiliated and that is not good since he is the father of your children" " what can you do or where can you go to? He is the father of my child" "Telling on the father of your children is an abomination he can kick you out of his house" "You need him help raise your child"
These and many more were the reasons for endurance which made me wonder how a man who can't even treat another human being right should be protected in such a manner.
Our discussions went further to why women who are mates under one man always seek to ruin each other. The answers this time were no different from those above. Here are some of the views: " he is the father of my children so his resourceshould for me and my children" " though he is married I must fight for a space in his life, is he not the father of my child?" "I want a complete family with the father of my child so no intruder is welcomed" The list is long but one thing is obvious in all the responses; the desire to be with the father of one's children.
This desire I have concluded is the reason why women endure, maintain silence on crucial issues and even pretend in the name of keeping the father of their children.
THINGS TO PONDER ON
1) what influence will a woman beater, drunk, brute and cheat have on our child(ren) that we get desperate to identify with the man? 2) when we plot against other women and their children just to keep a man, what contributions are we making towards the empowerment and liberation of fellow women? 3) will I be making an overstatement to say the father of my children syndrome is a major issue in the fight against VAW? 4) should we tolerate the transfer of wrong values because we want fathers for our children?
While we find answers to these issues remember That psychologists have said the environment greatly influences the child's learning since it has so much input on the learning process.