HE IS THE FATHER OF MY CHILD(REN) SYNDROME

Sally maforchi Mboumien
Posted April 19, 2016 from Cameroon

Chatting with my colleagues and friends these past few weeks on the topic why women don't speak up in many dehumanizing situations made me wonder what their mentality is based on.

Here are the views expressed by educated and uneducated women on why the endurance. " if you report a man for violating you or having an affair he will be humiliated and that is not good since he is the father of your children" " what can you do or where can you go to? He is the father of my child" "Telling on the father of your children is an abomination he can kick you out of his house" "You need him help raise your child"

These and many more were the reasons for endurance which made me wonder how a man who can't even treat another human being right should be protected in such a manner.

Our discussions went further to why women who are mates under one man always seek to ruin each other. The answers this time were no different from those above. Here are some of the views: " he is the father of my children so his resourceshould for me and my children" " though he is married I must fight for a space in his life, is he not the father of my child?" "I want a complete family with the father of my child so no intruder is welcomed" The list is long but one thing is obvious in all the responses; the desire to be with the father of one's children.

This desire I have concluded is the reason why women endure, maintain silence on crucial issues and even pretend in the name of keeping the father of their children.

THINGS TO PONDER ON

1) what influence will a woman beater, drunk, brute and cheat have on our child(ren) that we get desperate to identify with the man? 2) when we plot against other women and their children just to keep a man, what contributions are we making towards the empowerment and liberation of fellow women? 3) will I be making an overstatement to say the father of my children syndrome is a major issue in the fight against VAW? 4) should we tolerate the transfer of wrong values because we want fathers for our children?

While we find answers to these issues remember That psychologists have said the environment greatly influences the child's learning since it has so much input on the learning process.

Comments 2

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Marie-Claire Kuja
Apr 19, 2016
Apr 19, 2016

Hello Masalien's.

Thank you for bringing this topic and shining a light on it. My heart bleeds at the ignorance of my sisters out there as to some of their reasons for enduring the wrong doings of men. Secondly the post speaks to my old self.Yes I was once in a domestic violence relationship and made such stupid excuses for the man. I cared more about my child and what people will say than my self until when I realized I could die there.After so much struggle I surmounted enough courage and ran away for dear life..a decision which kept my son and I alive till today. Writing about this is great sister but creating a solution will be best.. Something that will give the women economic empowerment so they can be on their own. Most of them stay because they have no source of income.Reason I propose you start with economic empowerment is because you know our people.If you go and say you want to get abused women out of those husband's houses, you will meet a lot of resistance because for some men and women it is normal. They are still so ignorant. World pulse is a great place to find such resources about economic empowerment. Join the Economic empowerment group if you have not yet done so.Learn all you can and together with our moral support you shall win this fight.You can do it. Courage dear and well done.

Kuja

Sally maforchi Mboumien
Apr 19, 2016
Apr 19, 2016

Thanks Kujamac for stopping by. I am grateful you shared your experience with us. What you shared is a better situation compared to what women are still enduring.

As you know this is a societal problem which is equally culturally backed as a result it is more of a psychological issue. Women too who are financially viable are also victims. Personally I am working and can support myself with four kids but it took me 14 years of endurance before I could speak up.

Concerning proposed solutions. I am first getting women talk about their home experiences when they are together that way they realize it's a common problem. So far many have started sharing. We are now moving to forming support groups. When the women will be confident of themselves, we have sustainable programs for them. I have contacted different partners who are willing to train those who need it in various trades like hairdressing, seamstress pastry etc. What we have started with two already is market gardening.

Thanks for your usual concern for the girls and women of our community.