I SUFFERED OUT OF IGNORANCE, SO MUST ENSURE OTHERS DON’T!

Being a virgin at the age of 14 was so unfashionable amongst my peers during my secondary school days. Having a baby at that age too, which is a direct consequence of losing your virginity was an abomination to the family and society. It was therefore a tough task to sleep with men and make sure you don’t get pregnant. I was one of those who had a terrible experience abiding by this myth. Due to Peer pressure and the desire to belong and be in conformity with the community, I starting having with men at the age of 14 which to some of my friends was late.

Most of us had no information on our sexual health or reproductive health rights since it was a taboo subject within our communities. Like any other sexually active person at the time, who is afraid of getting pregnant, we had some commonly accepted things to use like contraceptives which include; hot drinks, highly concentrated salt or limestone solution, vinegar, herbs and much more. I gambled with these for about four to five years and felt I was saved from unwanted pregnancy. What a lie I was telling myself? What I dreaded most happened! I missed my menses for six weeks.

My friends and I then embarked on “bringing my missing menses back”. Oh! How I regret the nasty and risky things we did just to accomplish this mission. First I was given the “black” tablet to take but it did not do the job which was followed by some injections which up to date I do not know the names. We then settled for a crude unsafe abortion. This drugstore was located opposite a clinic which probably was the reason we certified it a safe place to “bring our menses back”. The young man operating the business was so popular among our age group because he solved our problems and made us look innocent in the eyes of our parents and wise in front of our friends.

My size was increasing by the day and I was equally afraid my mother will discover too. Thank God just like any woman in a polygamous marriage she was so stressed out with providing for us that she had not noticed. When it was agreed that I will have a D&C (an abortion) as it was called I couldn’t wait to be done with my problem. I got to the drugstore at 8:00am and the guy told me to wait. There were so many young girls buying one after-sex pill or the other. It was like in the market. When all buyers had left, the man took a stick put across the door to indicate he is not available. He then prepared his “theatre” by placing a piece of plywood on the table he was using to serve drugs and then leaning another piece on the drug shelf to serve as a screen. Taking out a big bucket known as “pantex”, he asked me to lie on the prepared table while he was displaying forceps he was removing from the bucket.

Before he started the process, he convinced me that, he has to have sex with me before the act so that it will ease my pain and make the process faster. I accepted because my only goal was get that unwanted “thing” out of my system. After about an hour or more the fetus was out and he put it in the bucket which had contained the forceps for disposal later on. I paid him 20 dollars (10000francs) which I could raise only by sleeping with other guys since the guy responsible could not afford the amount.

I thought to myself, what an easy way of bringing my menses back since I left the drugstore with wrapped toilet tissue on my pant as I did during my periods. What an ironic thought? The journey had just begun. The blood continued pouring for two days. I became really pale but luckily it stopped flowing and things returned to normal as I erroneously thought. A week later I started having some funny discharges which degenerated into acute infection. The odour from this discharge was so pungent that I could not sit among people. I skipped classes, became an object of ridicule among my peers and worst of all I failed the GCE Advanced level that year. The interesting thing is my parents up to this moment never realized I had an unsafe abortion. I don’t blame them because that’s the common phenomena in my community where the rate of child neglect is high due to poverty and other social pressures like polygamy.

It is a shame 17 years after, the situation is still the same in my community. We still have many cases of unwanted pregnancy and unsafe abortions. Young people have no access to sexual health education or services to cater for their reproductive health needs. Talking to an adolescent on sexual and reproductive health matters is still a taboo and when done it is in parables. Some of these parables are “if you play with a man you are dead” “I should not catch you with a man”, “no man should touch you”, “don’t go near a man” “don’t allow your bananas to be touched” etc. Apparently the boys get nothing at all since girls have these phrases when they have their first period. It is a pathetic situation because mothers who do not have any sound information on these issues are left with the responsibility to educate their children. Curriculum designers on their part make a lot of assumptions on the issue and fail to give it a serious consideration when designing the curriculum. Any information shared is generated among the adolescents themselves, which in most cases is confused with a lot of myths.

This situation has led to a catastrophe within my community due a lot of misinformation. Parents are crying while adolescent girls are either dropping out of school or dying because of unsafe abortions. The young boys are not left out since together with the girls they suffer from STIs and HIV. Within Bali subdivision it is not uncommon to see a bride with at least a child left at their parents’ house before marriage. According to statistics from the delegation of health, this subdivision is the highest within the North West Region of Cameroon with HIV cases. For instance, just in the 2015/2016 academic year, at least three girls dropped out of each secondary school because of unwanted pregnancies while a case of death because of unsafe abortion was recorded. If we can have this on record then we can begin to imagine the number of girls who take their commonly acclaimed contraceptives of hot drinks, highly concentrated salt solution, harmful herbs and more. What is disturbing about this situation is the silence that parents, guardians and other stakeholders maintain.

Living with the guilt of murder and the fear of barrenness for the years that followed was not easy on me. I secretly hoped I could be able to turn back the hands of time which I could not do. It is for that reason I told myself “no other girl will know me and go throw this experience”. When I got married and had children I became determine to fight against this ill. As a teacher since 2004 I exploited every opportunity to talk on this issue to my students. It is not easy to do so because my country has communities which are plagued with a lot of religious doctrines, cultural taboos, ignorance, pretence and neglect on the part of policymakers.

Using my teaching hours to talk to these adolescents was as good as not talking at all since I was using just a few minutes of my lesson time. After working with many organizations talking to youths, I realized most of the discussions were on preventing HIV/AIDS through abstinence which is greatly supported by many religious doctrines around me. For over 10 years that I was actively involved in the abstinence crusade the number of unwanted pregnancies kept increasing by the day as well as the abusive use of contraceptives. Acknowledging that the gospel of abstinence has failed I started an organization which is out to protect this vulnerable group by respecting their reproductive health rights.

Despite this effort, the challenges are many. First and foremost the myth that discussing sexuality with a child makes him/her sexually active has blinded most parents to the truth which makes it really difficult for them to help their children. Secondly the unclear stand of the policymakers on how adolescent reproductive health rights should be ensured makes it tedious to help these young people as there is resistance from school authorities, community heads or family heads. Finally little or no control on how contraceptives are being sold or prescribed out of the hospital, has led to an abusive use of contraceptives which has caused tremendous damage among young girls and women, thereby making correct use of contraceptive a dreaded issue.

It is thus my desire that this silent destroyer (abortion) within my community and country as a whole should be relooked into. All stakeholders concerned should reconsider their stand since it is obvious abstinence crusade is a wild goose chase. In this guise, a clear policy on how to ensure adolescents’ rights to sexual and reproductive education should be enacted. At the grassroot level discussion among children and parents should be improved and encouraged. To increase the project sustainability, social clinics should be created to help make reproductive health education more accessible. As a first step to attain these objectives, I am working with girls within the “Every girl for any girl initiative”, discussing these issues in school clubs, moving within the communities for sensitizations and contributing in rebuilding the lives of young mothers so that others will not opt for abortion in case they get an unwanted pregnancy.

I continue to raise my voice to society saying “Rather that holding on to believes and cultural norms that have failed, let us engage on realistic solutions that work”