MY VOICE IS BACK

In my community it is an abomination for a woman to talk among people especially in the gathering of men. Many women or girls who tried to talk were either considered as badly brought up, cannot pass for a wife material or doomed to be single. Marriage being the yardstick with which respect was accorded a woman humbled many great voices which were never heard because women needed societal approval which only marriage could give. Sometimes I wonder how our community would have been if women were not caged in that manner.
My childhood days as a girl were not easy because I was growing out of norms. I did a lot of things my community ascribed only to boys but the most annoying one was the fact that I freely expressed my opinion on issues which even embarrassed my mother. On countless occasions my mother will remind me that I am a girl and won’t get married if I don’t stop talking when men spoke. Once I wrote a letter to my father drawing his attention on happenings in our compound which he was not aware of, my mother beat the hell out of me. Considering the fact that my father blamed it on her for failing to raise me properly my mother was so embittered in the way she beat me. She made me understand her marriage is on the line and also expressed her disappointment because I had brought shame and disgrace on her. I guess that was when the powerful voice in me meant to stir change in the society got suppressed.
This childhood experience and many others shaped the kind of lives we lived when we grew up. I strongly believe it is this culture of “a woman’s voice should not be heard” that made many women in my community suffer male dominance in silence. This is evident in my own life because it has caused me fourteen years in marriage filled with psychological and physical abuse. Thank God I didn’t die like many women within my community who have left uncatered for children to suffer since they couldn’t express their views.
What then is eventful in this year? Oh my God a lot!!!! I have found my voice which culture and upbringing buried more than twenty years ago. Frankly speaking when the voice to bring about change is in you no amount of cultural taboo can hold you down. Before this 2016 I had started questioning a lot of things. I started off by doing self examination. I tried to evaluate how much I am enjoying; who I am, what I do and my relationship with others. During these deep reflections I realized how detrimental these cultural barriers had enslaved and made me a coward. I started off by resolving my personal issues especially within my marriage up to when I had a degree of freedom and respect within it. Yes this was victory but it was not enough and I needed to free myself from bitterness and unforgiveness which paved the way for me to revalorize myself. The question now was how will I be able to revalorize myself?
Following an online chat on facebook one evening while doing catch up with an old school mate she told me about an online community of women called World Pulse where she works. After introducing it to me she gave me the web address and encouraged me to check it out. God bless that day because it is now I realized that was “the spark” the voice in me needed. I checked the site and found it interesting most importantly because of the diversity of its membership. Creating an account on that site with a username different from my real name was something to me since I was now sure of a bunch of buddies who will listen and share with me any time.
2016 as it is facing out is my most eventful year in my journey. During this year I got to share my pain with very caring sisters who listened, encouraged and gave me support. I equally listened to others tell their story which inspired and strengthened me. This year I have registered the highest number of friends from all over the world: Canada, Nigeria, India, Cameroon and many more. Thanks to their love and support my self-confidence was rebuilt which helped me to share a secret about my adolescent life which I had kept in me for seventeen years. Not only did this sharing take a heavy load off my chest I was able to see the opportunity the challenge had brought to me. It is thanks to this experience that I was able to start talking to girls, women and some men within my community on sexual and reproductive health education.
I will never forget this year because I found my long buried voice. Following my experience gathered on World Pulse digital changemaking training I used the resources and assets at my disposal to become; a featured storyteller with Time.com picking up one of my stories, be a big sis with young girls within my community who interact with me on issues concerning their sexuality as well as me becoming the founder and coordinator of COMAGEND, a community based organization which is greatly working with members of my community. My father and husband, who had been the highest source of dominance in my life all along, this year, have supported and encouraged me to keep doing what I do. This year is very eventful since I have revalorized myself and have got my voice back.