Fading Vows

Matilda Okech
Posted August 9, 2016 from Kenya

It’s interesting the way marriage is solemnized in various cultures in many countries across the world. This is not only isolated to the dynamics of cultures and traditions but also intertwined with the many religious beliefs. Today I choose to dip myself into the religious marriages where the commitments to vows are silently getting erased. Some have been turned into illegible writings while others are already in ashes. I ask myself the significance of the wedding bands whichever form they come in. I am more familiar with rings while others have their own ways of doing it. The waves and the storms have bombarded unions in all manner and forms though important to note also is that there are some isolated cases that are recording success. While clear statistics are not evident and will not be easy to come by due to stigmatization, anecdotal encounters are worth to pull my antenna into a state of worry about tomorrow. My pastor tells me not to worry of tomorrow as it shall take care of itself but the human nature in me is not settled but nagging me to do so. I see beyond myself, imagine of tomorrows generation, and wonder what will make up future unions if their parents are drowning in stormy unions. ‘For how long do we stick on when it is not working?’ is still the biggest question that is engraved in my mind. I dose off and drown in my sleep but still not able to discern when is the when. Is ‘till death do us part’ supposed to be the answer while I see maimed men and women as a result of failing marriages. Happy never after is not any other thriller to watch but I yearn for us to go back to the drawing board. Could the contemporary unions have been driven by massive connotations and definitions of decades of past marriages? It’s no longer working are familiar terms to my ears and leaves me to wonder whether it was contractual. Is the foundation being laid upon sexual drives and desires that can no longer caution the challenges of the union? Vivid observations of marriage in my community are ending up in brutality of a partner and some have resulted to dead based on 'for better or for worse’. Do we have courageous religious leaders and who would be bold enough to tell the couple to separate if it is not working because life is threatened? In my community religion is a very deep rooted belief that form the foundation that nurtures morality. It’s the source of answers to every question and challenge and this is why men and women of the cloth are esteemed high in my community. My heart sinks when I see the number of women who are being maimed, burnt, beaten and disabled as a result of failing unions. With a differential in masculinity, women have also opted to poison or burn or chop off their spouses’ genital for the sake of vengeance. The rippled effect of this is increase in the number of children living in the streets and instilled fear within the young ones. It is my desire for countries to review right to life to ensure that this denotes wholesomeness to an individual that is not squashed by marital brutality at any point in time in a union. Perseverance measures that are lethal should not be embraced by any partner in order to protect and promote life. It hurts not for my pastor to tell me to leave but save my life

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Aug 09, 2016
Aug 09, 2016

Dear Maltida, this  is a well written piece.People consciousness needs to be awaken on this issue.So many persons has lost their life,s just because the want to remain in that vow "I DO" .The earlier the awareness is been created,the better.


Jane Kalu