We love and often we wish those we love were otherwise; different; not addicted; not traumatized; communicate otherwise; acknowledge they are wrong ( from our perspective); believe they are worthy ; choose to free themselves; be more spiritual; agree with us; heal ; find solutions to their anxiety; scream less; be less; do less; do more; be more etc... These wishes happen at the subtlest unconscious levels.
Often we believe and think we know better what is best and most needed for those we love.
But we don't know better for other people.
We may believe that happiness is the next step but it is insignificant compared to what another person needs at this time, for what the other needs at this time is in the larger context of life, beyond our personal experience of life.
We don't know what's best for another person because we only know our experience.
"If we think we can change a person's fate, there's a part of them we are not accepting. On some level, we are saying "I know better than you."
It's attractively tempting and luring to wish the other will change for us to fully accept them as they are. It is self-deceiving to say “I love you but I want you to do this and that for yourself”, because at our core, we are often asking of the other to fix what we see, hear and feel as wrong in them and/or their life.
We don't have solutions for the other because we don't know what it is truly to live the other's unique fate.
A fate that includes traumas, gender, race, culture, who their parents were, family, sibling and much more. What makes up a person's unique fate is infinitely different from ours.
As we start engaging in accepting the other as they show up, the higher and better are their chances to find their solutions.
Whenever we say "I see you, I hear you ", it literally means that "I am not attempting to understand you from my limited restricted internal system of this world, rather I am telling you that I accept you as you are and as you show up."
When people are accepted as they are, grounded in their dignity and strength, they are able to propel themselves towards what they need.
It has been my experience so far that what other people need is always deeper and more complex than what we want for them.
As I pause to nurture myself with these words that poured through me,
“This a journey, an ongoing process, that of learning love. We can only offer to this world that which we offer to ourselves. Accepting the other as he/she shows up moves in alignment with our self-acceptance.
Unlike what we may learn from books and teachers, “accepting self and the other” is not a goal to be reached in future but rather an invitation to experience self and life as it is, without seeking to correct and fix.
There are deeper complexes at play; the lesson is that of stepping out of the drama and be willing to open up to beyond the mind’s needs for logic.
This is beyond our self-development goals.
Acceptance is in the order of life as life shows, there is no rightness or wrongness.
May we be moved to whatever, however, whyever, whenever, wherever acceptance shows up to,through, with and within us.”
Love from my heart to yours
Image @Marcello Matarazzo @Unsplash