|The “SHOULDs”|

Megha Venketasamy
Posted February 17, 2021 from Mauritius

|These words are an invitation. They take one aspect of this huge conversation. Have this awareness as you read. |

 

In every coaching conversation I facilitate , I hear women heaving “I should do this. I should do that. I should not this.. I should not that…..”

Are you aware of your “SHOULDs”?

How many times in a day do you use the word “SHOULD”?

I should do better than this.

I should stick to yoga

I should meditate

I should dress this way

I should join that group

I should practice gratitude

I should wake up early

I should eat this

 

Do you relate to the above?

 

|BRINGING TO LIGHT “WHAT IS”|

Anything that comes with a “SHOULD” is most likely an expectation given to us from others. Most “SHOULDs” come from outside of us.

The thing to become aware of is:

“SHOULDs” are the messages that the external world, consider to be rightful or best or most valuable or most needed, they are norms. We have been taught and told to adjust to these “SHOULDs”, these norms because will have positive effects for us and unto us. These norms ensure that we belong. These norms are rules, often unspoken or spoken in a disguised way or spoken openly.

 

Reality hits hard when we try to work and walk our life around the “SHOULDs” and somehow we keep receiving feedback that “this is not working. We are unable to keep up with the “SHOULD”.”

“SHOULDs” often come through as messages for our highest good with intentions to improve our lives, make us better human beings, support us in achieving our goals, guide us to lead happier lives and so forth.

 

However, if looked at closely, most “SHOULDs” are not geared to make us better, they come because of the needs of others. They come from cultural sources, family constructs, trends, fashion, spiritual washing and much more. All of this tend to create and project an image of an ideal body, an ideal life, an ideal being, an ideal society , an ideal world and so much more.

Most “SHOULDs” are our attempts to engage into movements that are not ours, to engage into actions, to commit our energy into something that is not ours, that do not BELONG TO US.

Through our “SHOULDs” we live a life led by others, much to our unawareness.

I should not have negative thoughts

I should be happy

I should not eat fast foods

I should exercise

I should have the courage to leave

I should not answer back

 

For each of these above phrases, ask yourself this one question

“Who said so?”

 

This may be confusing. So it is. Who said that you should or you should not?

If your answer is yourself, then on what are you grounding this “should” and “should not”.

Are you aware of the driving intentions behind your “should” and “should not”?

What is the rule? What will happen if you do not engage  in these “SHOULDs”?

 

|WHERE DO WE GO FROM HERE|

We can surrender our power to others, accept the “SHOULDs” , without questioning, thus bypassing our discernment, insights, abilities, intuition and set goals which do not match our needs and set sail to meet “feedback of not-happening, inconsistency, uneasiness” on the way.

OR

We can own our power, see the “SHOULDs” on offer for what they truly are, then we can evaluate them based on their honest value and our personal values.

 

“SHOULDs” aren’t intrinsically bad but in most instances, they are not a match for us, our call, our path and our journey. We can choose how to engage with them and if we engage with them we can adapt, or we can choose to do none and instead craft our own solutions based on our needs, our desires, our dreams, and what is right for us in this moment.

 

As we begin this courageous path of walking towards choosing, led by a higher love, a higher conscience, may we be reminded that we belong, we have belonged and we will always belong beyond the written norms and rules of our humanness.

 

Love from my heart to yours

#MeghaVenketasamy #Coach #CircleFacilitator

Comments 9

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Hello, Megha,

Thank you for sharing another insightful post, as always. I like the response of "Who said so?" when we catch ourselves with "shoulds". That's a liberating concept.

Megha Venketasamy
Feb 18
Feb 18

I am glad these words resonate...

Indeed asking "who said so?"-literally takes us out of the drama

lulu35800
Feb 18
Feb 18

Hi good day Megha
I'm new to world pulse....your message is so powerful. You are so right we as woman should not settle for anything less than joy, love and internal peace of mind we are stronger then we think.

Megha Venketasamy
Feb 18
Feb 18

I hear you sister

love from my heart to yours

Susu Mohamed
Feb 18
Feb 18

Dear Megha,
thank you for sharing to this massage we are almost using word should as we are working community.
Regards,
suu

Megha Venketasamy
Feb 18
Feb 18

Susu, indeed we are always almost using "should" on field and though , there are some very important "should" such as procedures to follow in case of robbery, assault, payment, fire, accident and so much more.

We are also indirectly trapping people we are working with - especially those who we reach out with the intention to support them to own their voice. We trap them in should

love

Beth Lacey
Feb 22
Feb 22

This is so spot on and so timely. Thanks

Megha Venketasamy
Feb 22
Feb 22

I am glad these words came timely for you.. love my sister

Nini Mappo
Feb 23
Feb 23

Hello Megha,
I have been reading and encouraging for the last hour and a half (it's 3pm my time) thinking the whole time: "I should eat". Who said so? My hungry tummy, ha ha :)
I am thinking of all the shoulds I have as a mum, or leaders have because people depend on them, the shoulds that aren't intrinsically bad, but cannot be ignored altogether unless they are delegated when we are maxed out.

But there really is a lot of pressure people absorb from other people that is detrimental to their cycle of life. It is a thin line because we cannot not have expectations of ourselves and the community cannot not have expectations of us because no expectations means no accountability and chaos ensue.

So yes to "who said so?'', perhaps there lies the key to the insight we need to weigh which shoulds we should (haha) respond to. So back to my should...I should go and eat before my baby wakes.
Thank you for sharing. I enjoyed reading your insights.

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