Enough of Gender-Based Violence (GBV)

Millynairi
Posted November 27, 2020 from Kenya

This has to stop! Enough of GBV.  She looks beautiful when married. Her body is smooth, has never been bruised. The only names you hear her being called during this early marriage life are “bae, honey, sweet, love”, just to mention a few.

Her husband can hardly leave the house. He has to stay with bae. Cooking is done jointly; they eat together, walk together, watch movies together, and laugh together.

Days pass, weeks, months, maybe a year, and he starts coming home late, always agitated. The sweet names are gone. No shopping together any more and communication becomes difficult. He wants to find the food ready, he doesn’t care where it will come from. He says a woman’s role is to prepare food and ensure her husband eats from the house.

Oh, she is carrying his baby. The body changes, and he starts seeing a different person; no more love. She has to continue with her roles even as heavy as she is. He comes back home, reads a newspaper expecting to be served food. As tired and as heavy as she is, the bedroom work she can’t ignore lest it becomes a big issue.  

He starts fighting her, not caring that she is carrying his baby. He starts quarrelling with her more often and life is just unbearable for her but somehow, she encourages herself that he will change with time.  She is afraid of letting herself down, her parents who gave her hand in marriage, those who knew she was married, and so she continues suffering silently with unbearable fights, quarrels, and mistreatments.

This is the scenario in many marriages and communication is just not there. COVID-19 pandemic has revealed a lot of this, especially during the lockdown when husbands had to stay home with their wives for longer periods than they were used to. Many cases of Gender-Based Violence were reported and this is just a sad scenario that has to stop. However, it can only stop if all of us play our parts:

We have to educate ourselves and others about GBV: Many people suffer because of their lack of knowledge. The best prevention is education. Let us all teach our friends, family, and relatives about GBV; what it is and how to prevent it.

Be agents of change: In our capacity, wherever we are, let us be the ones driving the change by taking part in doing what we can to stop GBV. It is not time to look, see, and keep quiet. We have to be the change agents. We are the change we want to see!

Create awareness: Social media is a great tool to create awareness. It helps us to raise our voices on the happenings around us. Let us all fill the social media and call for an end to GBV and there will be a solution globally.

Offer help to GBV survivors: Help can be in the form of connecting the survivors to relevant organizations or platforms where they can be assisted. The survivors also need  prayers and encouragement in order to continue staying strong and positive.

Gender-Based Violence, an enemy of women, and a great obstacle that women face. It deprives them of living dignified lives free from fear. Enough of GBV. This has to stop!

 

This story was submitted in response to Sharing Solutions: Ending GBV.

Comments 8

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Jill Langhus
Nov 28, 2020
Nov 28, 2020

Hi Milly,

Thanks for sharing your post! I quite agree, and very on point. This does seem to be a common story/theme, unfortunately. It seems that women/girls can aim higher for a better match than to just settle for the first man to come along, if that's the case, because it's seen as a noble position to be married. That viewpoint seems very problematic to me. And, of course, girls and women thinking that's their life purpose to fulfill, i.e., to be married and have children. I'm not saying this shouldn't be the case, but at least consider all options, and, at the end of the day, be selective with you choose to be with. And, that we all deserve to be happy, even if the decision, or selection, ends up being an abuser.

Millynairi
Nov 30, 2020
Nov 30, 2020

Jill, I agree with you, we all deserve to be happy and there's nothing as bad as ending up in an abusive marriage.

Jill Langhus
Dec 02, 2020
Dec 02, 2020

Hello Milly,

Yes, dear. XX

Nini Mappo
Dec 01, 2020
Dec 01, 2020

Hello Milly,
You paint such a sad picture of the progression from love to indifference to abuse, and it is unfortunately true, even the emotional control kind where there are no physical injuries but it is detrimental to the woman. I was talking to a friend recently in an emotionally abusive relationship. She had to go out of the house to talk to me because she'd even been forbidden from talking to anyone because the husband doesn't want others to to think 'everything is his fault.' It makes one feel so angry and helpless to see another woman's fear and helplessness, and we can only try and help as much as we can, be there for our sisters, and hope for healing.
Thank you for acknowledging this ordeal affecting so many innocent women (and their children)
Salimika :)

Millynairi
Dec 01, 2020
Dec 01, 2020

Hi Nini,
Nimesalimika. Hope you are doing well. So sad that one is denied the freedom of communication. This is evil! Women are going through so much and we can only try and help as much as we can. Thanks for your comments sis.

Karen Quiñones-Axalan
Dec 03, 2020
Dec 03, 2020

Hello, Kenyan sweethearts,

I'm curious what are Salimika and Nimesalimika? That would nice to add to my vocabulary. :D

Karen Quiñones-Axalan
Dec 03, 2020
Dec 03, 2020

Hello, Milly dear,

Kudos to you for your courage to speak out! You are a great storyteller. You walked us through how a romantic man can be a perpetrator in the future. That's hard to detect especially since the love hormones are strong.

Younger women who I mentor calls me "love guru" because I give a lot of relationship advice. But there is one thing I discover, when a woman is in love, it is hard to talk her out that the man she is with is bad news. There are red flags at the start, but she would defend him. There's no winning to someone who is in love. But as all relationships, feelings don't last, and that's when she finally sees the problem. I am happy to say she was able to leave that relationship, and is now with her fiance who's been tested by time and circumstances that he respects and loves her as she is. I am aware that not all women can leave abusive relationships and marriages, and they stay silent until the damage has been done.

This is why it's important to raise awareness and it's wise to prepare for marriage (should not be rushed!)

Thank you for writing this, dear sister. Your posts get better and better! Keep it up.

Millynairi
Dec 05, 2020
Dec 05, 2020

Thanks sis Karen,
You are such an encourager. Glad to know you always give advice to young women. That's a good thing to do and yes, you are right to say that one should prepare for marriage for it to succeed.