Dipa is worrier

Minakshib
Posted March 9, 2021 from India
I am riporter of my life

I still remember that day, the happiest day of my life was the 12th result.  After passing first class from Janata High School Shindi Bu, my mind was running wild.  I loved learning.  Shindi Bu is a village, his father was a teacher but the atmosphere at home was not very conducive.  My mother always supported me in all these situations.  The same rites help from time to time today.  After the results were decided, it was decided to learn a lot, to stand on one's own feet, but the next crisis in life was facing.  While I was happily deciding the direction of my next life, I heard Baba say that I had decided to marry Deepa.  Before this, I couldn't believe my ears, the ground under my feet began to move slowly.  The next day I found out that he had arranged my marriage with an uneducated young man in a village near Shindi Bu.  He had no right to speak, because he had said that I had promised that no one should speak.  The mind did not agree.  The nights that followed were drenched in tears, and the festivities began as well.  Education stopped.  In a way, everyone was shocked with me.  But no one could do anything, no one dared to speak.  Once married.  The wings have been shown solely to give a sense of proportion.  I closed the cupboard of memories after the wedding.  Because the wounds on my mind were wet.  The man I married had no home, had to live in Mamesasare's house, they were very sensible people.  If I am alive today, it is because of them that I was carrying this fear every day after marriage.  The person I was married to was very hot-tempered, hot-tempered, and suspicious.  The exercise of the world was beginning.  There was an occasion when even rangoli could not be taken out.  I was sitting inside making rangoli, but the people in front of me could see it straight.  There was no way out of the house.  Even so, I continued my education.  Just went to give the paper.  Graduation was completed in secret.  Due to his skeptical nature, he had to fight every day.  Everyone thought that if there is so much education, then she should do something.  Similarly, under the Golden Jubilee Village Self-Employment Scheme, I was given my name in the self-help group when there was huge opposition from home.  An addicted person does not see good things.  The self-help group allowed me to leave the house, but not a single day after I got home that I was not beaten.  All the women in the self-help group were dropping me off at home because I didn't want to be bothered.  Once, while walking in front of a house called Jivan Wadhale in the village, he heard my chi-chi squeaking sound.  He immediately shouted at my cousins, kicked them all together and broke down the door, freeing me from the clutches of the monster.  I was counting the last factors, my life seemed to end that day.  If life were not a mess.  In the same way 2-3 times I came back from the brink of death.  In such an environment, it is a matter of happiness that I was selected by the Achalpur Panchayat Samiti to go to Hyderabad for a study tour, which turned out to be a turning point in my life.  But there was no permission from home.  If you go, I will commit suicide.  There were such threats.  But I got the chance to go to Hyderabad through the support group of everyone from Mamesasare.  There was so much to learn in those five days.  After returning from Hyderabad.  Tried hard to change the situation, worked hard, but to no avail.  My arms, legs, nose, whole body were numb from the beatings, clicks, as if it had become a habit.  One day, the whole story came to an end.  That day is July 12, 2006.  Due to extreme addiction, my liver failed and the monster in my life ended and I will liken him to a monster.      I was so exhausted, another gap had formed in my life.  As I was living as a widow, I began to experience how society, especially women, had to deal with it.  So my brother told me to leave the village, gave me a room in the backyard, put the children in the backyard school.  In this way, my brother made life easier for me and my two children.  After that, under the District Rural Development Agency, recruitment of motivators has started in Amravati.  Taywade Saheb, the then Extension Officer Panchayat Samiti Achalpur said.  And after going for recruitment, I was selected by Mr. Guddewar, Project Officer.  Immediately from October, I started working as a teacher and trainer at Panchayat Samiti Achalpur.  There were problems due to lack of home, children's education, outside experience.  It took a hundred laps for one job, but I couldn't stop.  I also decided to complete my partial education.  He started his education by studying at home.     While working for the self help group in the taluka, many types of people were meeting.  I developed a passion for working with women.  I forgot myself and started working, meeting good people.  Similarly, the bank manager and I went to Kolha village for gradation of self-help groups in Kolha village under Achalpur Panchayat Samiti.  Amol was introduced there as the self-help group 3-4 was under the supervision of Amol Tayde.  The whole meaning is hidden in the name Amol.  And that temporary identity, in fact, Amol came into my life from there.  Amol is really precious to me.  It was the beginning of a radical change in my life.  In the society, a widow cannot have much acquaintance with anyone.  Her name is immediately added.  It involves a large number of women.  There were some occasions in my life when I came across the view that society was looking at me with the same attitude as I had killed my husband.  There is an occasion of turmeric, I went to the event with my aunt.  The woman was looking at me with contempt as she was a widow and came to Haldikunkawala.  Thinking about their minds, I left and decided that I would never go to Haldikunkuwa again.     Another shock in life while living the life of a widow, Amolani demanded a straight marriage from me.  And the ground beneath my feet slipped a second time.  It was International Women's Day, March 8, 2009. Her self-help group had a dinner for Ashtamahasiddhi.  I was also called there.  While there was a discussion about women's issues and atrocities, the topic of women's remarriage came up.  Amol was saying that women are responsible for the atrocities against women, women are to blame.  But I was explaining in my own way that if a good girl does not get married soon, then who will marry a widow.  Immediately Amol said that you are a widow or I am ready to marry you, are you ready?  I immediately replied that what I need, I have 2 children, it is my responsibility to raise them.  Now only 2 children are my support, my life.  Having said that, I ignored Amol's speech as a hoax.  Because I had lost faith in the word marriage.  But while I was eating, Amol came up to me, kicking everyone.  At that time I told her not to wear Tila, because a widow does not want to wear Tila.  But Amol did not listen to me.  My aunt Kakaji was very supportive of me.  On one of my birthdays, when my kakaji came to me to get tila, I would have refused them.  They loved me as much as my parents did.  I didn't know anything about Amol's family, and I didn't feel the need to know.  I had thought that they were brothers for many days.  I had stopped promoting information.  Without work I would not be in a relationship with them.  That's how my admission for D.Ed was confirmed at Maharashtra Teachers School, Chandur Bazar.  College and Prerick's work began at the same time.  My temperament is open, speaking is my hobby, but in the meanwhile I forgot to smile.  But the credit for my personality today goes to Amol.  I was ignoring Amol, this is a hoax, so I explained to him many times that marriage with you is not possible, society will not approve of it and I do not accept myself.  I have a son, a daughter.  The children go to school now, they have grown up.  Marriage is not a topic in my head, I can't even think of marriage.  Today you are speaking in Josh.  There are many difficulties in living life, you are not aware of it.  My life is over, I am living only for children.  There is love, faith in the world, it just blew my faith.  You are doing things to jump against the current.  In this way, he tried to explain by giving many examples.  The pressure of the society was increasing on me. His relatives were putting pressure on me.  Suddenly I was receiving threats on the phone.  Society blames women, that's what happened to me.  Even my own relatives, whom I loved dearly, showed distrust in me.  The biggest shock of this hit me. I was enduring.  My notoriety was growing.  Still, I didn’t want to ruin Amol’s life.  There was no way to know what Amol was made of and what it meant.  Who should I complain to, what should I do because I didn't have any problem with them, I didn't have any harassment like blocking the road, making phone calls.  I did not know what to do.  But I was adamant not to get married.  At the same time, Amolani met my cousin Narayanrao Ghogare through the mediation of Janardan Patil Wadale.  There was a detailed discussion.  2 children Prayas and Prachi were called.  I was invited to the children's wedding.  All the reputable congregations explained a lot to me after I refused.  And my brave cousins, who were younger than me, urged me to get married.  Then I put some conditions in front of Amol.  Amol immediately agreed and decided to marry me.  But some of my relatives are trying to provoke my children by trying to persuade them not to marry me.  But they ignored my relatives and instead gave me mental support for marriage.  The wedding date was fixed by the people from Mamesasare and the wedding took place at Sapan Maruti Mandir Paratwada in the presence and blessings of my Mamesasare relatives, some of my relatives and 5 friends of Amol.      Our coexistence began.  Facing financial difficulties, children's education, the wrath of the society, the new festival started.  Amol and I were working hard.  Someone was making some jokes.  It bothered me a lot.  But Amol used to explain to me in various ways what is your fault, why do you take it to heart.  Amol taught me what love is and what faith is.  This young man, who is obsessed with social work, deserves less praise.  A widow and 2 children should be accepted by an unmarried youth.  This was not acceptable to the society.  Society was asking whether all the virgin girls in the world were dead.  He took such a decision against the flow alone and carried it out, he did what he decided.  Amol brought joy into my life.  I got the freedom to make any decision.  If you ask them about the decision, Deepa, you make your decision, don't ask me.  The decision you make is the right one.  I got so much freedom.      I understand my destiny by telling an incident after marriage.  Two years have passed since the marriage.  One thing had been lingering in Amol's mind for 2 years.  One day Amolani brought up the subject of changing the names of children.  And I flatly refused.  But their efforts continue and I insist on a negative role.  Finally one day they sent the children to me to explain, and forced me to say yes.  And then changed the children's names.  All documents created under a new name.  In order to introduce this unique story to the world and inspire the world, I told them all the facts after all the women insisted on my life journey in the workshop held on 28th February 2018 in Mumbai.  And the light of happiness appeared on the faces of 2 women there.  She said that your story has inspired us with hope for life.     If I am successful today, all the credit goes to Amol.  They constantly boosted my confidence.  He freed a widow and gave me Suhasini's life.  Today I am very happy, lucky.  Those who are my relatives that I loved dearly are not with me today.  They want to tell me that I am very happy today.  You were with me when I waited for death one day in my sorrow.  पण आज सुखी संसारा सोबत नाही, याची मात्र थोडी उणीव आहे.     आमच्या लग्नाचा वाढदिवस आम्ही ८ मार्चला साजरा करतो, कारण ख-या अर्थाने जागतिक महिला दिनाच्या दिवशीच अमोलने मला हि अनमोल भेट दिली. हिच आहे माझ्या आयुष्याची कथा.......

This story was submitted in response to #HerStoryMakesHistory.

Comments 18

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Nini Mappo
Mar 09
Mar 09

Hello Minakshib,
Wow, what a story. I read every word and reread it again, and to see the start differences between your first husband and your second, your first marriage and your second is just profound. I'm sorry that you suffered so much in your first marriage, sacrificing your dreams, education, and dignity. But I am also very happy to hear that now you are loved, supported, valued, empowered, free. Amol Sounds like the kind of man that womenkind needs, and I am so glad that he came to your life and helped you reach for your potential and adopted your children. He is brave and determined, which is what we need to defeat cultural beliefs like you cannot marry a widow as a youth.
How wonderful that your story is encouraging other women, and your children now have a role model of a good man to look up to. Thank you for sharing your story. It warmed my heart. I am happy that you are happy, that your love story has challenged ingrained cultural norms. Keep winning :)

Minakshib
Mar 09
Mar 09

Thanks mam. I am happy

Pranav Dhote
Mar 09
Mar 09

I never know that so much sorrow and struggle someone can experience in her life, you are indeed a wonderful woman. LIFE is like an exam paper with different difficulties and questions on every page which tests you at every stage of life and the exam time of this paper is always decided by you that how long you are determined to face those obstacles, how you look those questions of life through your perspective, and how gracefully you can tackle those hurdles. Continuing to solve the questions till your heart content, because at the end you know that you will be rewarded.
You faced the challenges of sorrowful life and received the reward in the form of Amol, your two childrens and the happy life your are living now.

Be happy always. God bless you.

Minakshib
Mar 09
Mar 09

Thanks Deepa is my friend .

Kunal Raut
Mar 11
Mar 11

We all know the struggle in Mrs. Dipa's life. She has been nothing less than a mother to me.
Inspite of her short coming and challenge in her life, she has only given to the society. No matter if it's only a smile, but she believes in giving with both hands open.
People like her are true inspiration for young generation.
Salute to the #naari shakti#

Minakshib
Mar 13
Mar 13

Thanks sir

Queen Sheba D Cisse
Mar 12
Mar 12

Greetings Minakshib,
I am happy to come by your story of hope and survival. Many women worldwide are forced and traumatized by forced arranged disagreeable relationships and marriages. In your story you mentioned that your support of family was not there as well which is often the case of this continued not very natural practice rooted in culture and tradition.
Thank you for your voice and speaking out because this act of courage will indeed inspire many women who your story.
It is also a wonderful blessing you have a spouse now that has stepped up to be a family man and support you and your children. What a blessing after all you have suffered. Keep smiling and being a reporter of encourager. Thank you for sharing this important story,
Mama Queen

Minakshib
Mar 13
Mar 13

Thanks mam

Queen Sheba D Cisse
Mar 13
Mar 13

your welcome dear Minakshib.

Minakshib
Mar 13
Mar 13

Thanks

ARREY- ECHI
Mar 12
Mar 12

Dear Minakshib,
What a moving, inspiring story! Thank you so much for sharing this, for daring to be different in the face of so many challenges. For bravely choosing to give love another chance and for being rewarded for your bravely by having a man who loves and values you.
So many women will learn from your journey and will hopefully be inspired.

Love and light and may you keep inspiring.

Minakshib
Mar 13
Mar 13

Thanks mam

Minakshib
Mar 13
Mar 13

Thanks mam

Tamarack Verrall
Mar 12
Mar 12

Dear Minakshi,

What a story of survival. What a story about all of these terrible forms of discrimination that you have witnessed and survived, how many ways women live through being held back from making decisions about our own lives. Your story shows too, the importance of challenging the way we are told it must be done, and boldly challenging all the rules, to step out of these imprisonments. I love your ending, that our ancestors who after death watch over us with wisdom that is so lacking in our world, celebrate freedom and love.
Big hugs to you,
Tam

Minakshib
Mar 12
Mar 12

धन्यवाद मॅडम आप तो हमारी उर्जा हो

Minakshib
Mar 12
Mar 12

सभी बधंनोको थोडके हम को जिना है

Tamarack Verrall
Mar 13
Mar 13

प्रिय मिनाक्षी, आप दीपा के साथ इतनी सुंदर ऊर्जा साझा करते हैं, जैसा कि आप अपने सुंदर स्व को हम सभी के साथ साझा करते हैं।

Minakshib
Mar 13
Mar 13

हां मॅडम मुझे आपके साथ बहुत बात करनी रहती है लेकीन अगे्जी की दिख्खत आती है इस लिये मै कम बात करती हूं
शुक्रिया मॅडम मेरी सहेली को अपने उर्जा दे दिया