Trans to the Public, Human to God

Miss.Jackson.NAM
Posted February 19, 2021 from Namibia

Story of an Trangender in Namibia This is Who I really am Miss. Jackson, Born on the Morning of 05 of August 1998 in a family of 5. I was suppose to be another Edition to my Dads soccer team Dream maybe a Striker or something lol. I guess in life all plans that We are set up for by Our parents, friends and family come to exist. I was only 5 years old when I already started to notice the way people used to pay attention to the way I moved, spoke or even behaved, I was just a child after all and was just been me without realizing that in the world we were there were Regulations and Rules .Soon came the School discrimination of which at this point was a better than what I got at home from Family that is actually there to Support you in this journey of finding yourself and most importantly while you learn to Love yourself unapologetically. I was once caught by my Mom wearing lipstick that I got from my Sister as a secret gift in my room shortly after that I was the talk of the Family and everyone knew I was the one bringing in bad luck in her house and Making God to turn a blind eye on us Till these day such Childhood moments still gives me Anxiety attacks whenever I find myself on the Streets. I am sure if self love lessons were strong from home I would've been Dominated the Streets with my walk and pride of been a Transgender woman. I was sent off to a boarding school to avoid the family shame I was causing with living my true self daily. The private school from the very first day made me aware that such "Demonic acts" I was involved in was not condone on premises. Where will I go? Why did God made me like this? I wish I would stop, Someone help? this are all Questions that came to my head every night as I drowned in my pool of Tears. I had to decide then and there to Act heterosexual to Survive in a world that doesn't have time or place for us Demons(Transgender woman and men). I moved back to the City as this handsome young guy fully part of Sports Team and wearing heavy Timbaland boots for "Swagg"( hated it) at this point i was a big shot in my Community but Every night I still cried my Eyes bloody Red, suffered from deep depression and Suicidal Thoughts. Lets me not forget to talk about when I was at the Boarding School my parents divorcing and my Brother drowning and Guess who my boy blamed it all on- me ,the Son that's making God angry for acting like a women. I loved my family dearly because they are all I had or so I made myself believe all this years, I didn't have Friends that were Gay because I didn't want my family to go through all the Darkness I brought on them. So after High School ,on the early morning of February 2019 I packed my little Suit case and Took a Taxi(Cab) to Man I met at a Club and that sold me the dream of "You are my everything". I stayed there for 3 months until Reality came back in the picture, I was not allowed to go out without him, he never held my hand in Public or whenever we met his friends in Public I was the Gay boy from the farm that is staying with him so he can FIX me.  I have been living in my own place for a year and few months now, That gets paid by a foreign Guy I met on a dating Site and believe me its not a Charity case because I always have to send him nudes or do a video call whenever he feels and wants to. I have started giving Counseling to young boys going through what I went through growing up ,Been beaten by men on the Streets ,abused by ex lovers making me feel like Trash and yes the nasty Public Comments that makes me feel like a Celebrity for been who I am.  My Question is where to we go because we are not going anywhere? Why Cant we be considered part of the Community where the rest of everyone is our parents, brothers, sisters and Childhood friends? Do you think we woke up one day and decided to be Transgender no my friend this is Gods beautifully Creation .Just like you find different animals in Jungle so do you find different Humans. So stop calling me names on the Street and don't Stare at me I am not a mirror and no your child wont turn Transgender from Candy I give them. I am Proud to be who I am and I will wear this High Heels and make-up, Darling!  I just want to say thank you to everyone that has supported me on the journey and loves me dearly. Thank you to all those parents that hold their child's hand and show them that they love them regardless of who they are. Mothers please if you have a child that's going through this or know one on the streets please sit down, talk to them and see where you can help. You never know all the Emotional Baggage they are carrying. A mothers support is the Most important one because they are every mans world and create the best support system and everything you speak to your child whether its good or bad has impact on them even as adults in choices they make on a daily.   

This story was submitted in response to The Real Me.

Comments 11

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Andrace
Feb 27
Feb 27

Hi Jackson,
So good to have you join us on World Pulse, welcome! I heartily congratulate you on your first post too. Thank you for sharing the real you. We'd love to read more from you. This is certainly the place to be...the sisterhood of World Pulse.

Love and hugs,
E. J.

Tamarack Verrall
Feb 20
Feb 20

Dear Jackson,
I am so glad that you found your way to World Pulse where we are building a world together that has no hate, no violence, no disrespect for the lives we each want to live, these lives that we were born to live. I greet you as a member of our beautiful rainbow community, "out" since the early 1970's. So strange, isn't it? We are punished for breaking the rules. You, gorgeous in your lipstick and heels, me fighting to be taken seriously not wanting to wear them. You lead the way with your courage to be exactly who you are, your beautiful self. I so hope that you will find love with men who truly understand the gift to the world that you are. "Just like you find different animals in Jungle so do you find different Humans...I have began to embrace myself... Thank you to all those parents that hold their child's hand and show them that they love them regardless of who they are". Beautiful words, Jackson, beautiful soul that you are. Shine on!

Jensine Larsen
Feb 20
Feb 20

Welcome, Jackson. Thank you for sharing your beautiful self and your story here. This community welcomes you and your unapologetic self warmly. Your voice carries so much wisdom for love, justice, and truth to parents everywhere. Time for children to stop drowning in pools of tears and be lifted up by community and family.

Adriana Greenblatt
Feb 21
Feb 21

Jackson congratulations on your first post! I join Tam and others and welcome you warmly to our community.

Keep on rocking those high heels! We hold our heads high in solidarity with you, honouring what you have been through to be authentically who you are. We walk alongside you to build a world where we will hold eachother’s hands. We love you for exactly who you are.

Keep sharing and shining,

Hugs from Montreal,
Adriana

Miss.Jackson.NAM
Feb 22
Feb 22

Halo Everyone,Thank you so much.Reading all this Comments makes my eyes full of Tears,the acceptance is beyond what anyone can ever ask for in this Cruel world.Thank you❤️

Nini Mappo
Feb 23
Feb 23

Dear Miss Jackson,
Welcome to World Pulse.
I read your sad story with the abuse and longings there in, the pain, the confusion, the hope, and the resilience and felt compassion for the child that was so lovable and yet so unloved. I am sorry, you bore the blame for everything happening in your family, sorry that you were accessible to them but they never honored that.

I am glad that you can share your story now in this safe, compassionate community. It may seem like a long journey, but at least you have began.

I hope and pray that you feel whole one day, embraced by the strong arm of the God whom you invoke as seeing you as human, the God who is close to the broken-hearted, and helps those who are crushed in spirit (Psalm34:18).

I hope you feel free one day, not needing to explain yourself to others. Free of the shadows of abuse and blame. Free to love fiercely . Free to rest in love, because you are worthy of love.

I hope you sing one day. Sing away the sorrows of the past, the challenges of the present, and the anxieties of the future, letting your sparkles rise above your challenges to impact those around you with the beauty of your personhood.

God bless you, miss Jackson, and give you peace.

Anum Shakeel
Feb 25
Feb 25

Jackson Welcome to the WP community. Thank you for sharing your heartwarming story here. This community welcomes you with love.

OGA PRECIOUS
Feb 25
Feb 25

Welcome to World Pulse Jackson. I assure you no abusive words here, you came to the right place. Keep raising your voice

Beth Lacey
Feb 25
Feb 25

You ask all the right questions. I am so happy that you are proud of who you are- you should be!

Hello, Miss Jackson,

Welcome to World Pulse! What a joy that a new voice from Namibia is rising up!

WOW! You're a great storyteller. You brought me into your world, allow me to feel your pain, and weep with you. I want to give you a hug right now. You are strong to endure all the pain you went through. Please keep writing your story. We are listening here.

As a mother, your final message speaks to me, " Mothers please if you have a child that's going through this or know one on the streets please sit down, talk to them and see where you can help. You never know all the Emotional Baggage they are carrying. A mothers support is the Most important one because they are every mans world and create the best support system and everything you speak to your child whether its good or bad has impact on them even as adults in choices they make on a daily."

Thank you for your courage to share your story. Welcome to our growing community, a community of encouragers. :)
Hope you can join us at our Encourager Pary this March 8, 2PM UTC! Let's celebrate International Women's Day together.

Karen Kortsch
Mar 27
Mar 27

Thank you for such an inspirational story of courage and survival. I hope you feel stronger knowing that so many women around the world have nothing but loving support to offer you. Life is short and we have to be our authentic selves.

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